intrusive thoughts

#IntrusiveThoughts #Anxiety

I'm still wide awake but I'm so exhausted. Physically, emotionally, mentally I'm spent. I'm brokenhearted that I let people use & take advantage of me too often. Every friendship I have is one sided. I give even when I have nothing to give because that's who I am. None of my friends reciprocate when I'm in need of a friend. I am so sad & alone. Why do I even try? #IntrusiveThoughts #lonely #anxious #Bipolar #doormat

The past week I've tried making amends with people from the past. First a very good friend I've had with whom I had a great connection. I chose my relationship over him after he and my ex-partner A.T. had a small fight. My ex didn't want to apologize for his behaviour and after that the friendship basically ended.

I've also tried getting in touch with my grandparents now my long distance relationship has ended. He told me that my other ex told him that my grandparents took his side after the divorce. I believed him and closed myself completely off from them. I sent them a card and some flowers, and last night I found out through my ex that hey threw them away...

My long distance ex has ruined so many things for me. He has destroyed my mental health and my entire life. Meanwhile he's acting like it's all my fault and that he's the victim. But he still has everything and everyone. He still keeps attacking me and told me that no one likes me, loves me or wants me.

I'm trying to move on and forget about it all... but right now I'm so triggered. And I can't find a good way to calm down my thoughts. It's like a war in my head right now. And the thoughts that keep popping up the most is "it's better when I'm dead"...

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Family #Friends #Love #AbusiveRelationship #Relationships #IntrusiveThoughts #NegativeThoughts #SuicidalThoughts #Thoughts

I’m having a really difficult night. Any support would be appreciated. #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Selfharm #IntrusiveThoughts

I've noticed that at times marijuana use with me can lead to intrusive thoughts and paranoia. It seems to happen less with Indica strains than Sativa's. I have however found a way to combat these thoughts before they consume me. I look around and notice colors that I see and list them. Like for instance I see white, I see green, I see blue and so on. Those are the colors of my ceiling and walls in the room I'm in at the moment for example effect. By doing this I'm using most of the DBT mindfulness skills as well as the distress tolerance skill distract. It brings me back to the present moment and grounds me as it pushes the thoughts away. Once I'm confident they're gone I can stop. Also going back to the breathe and concentrating on the can also help. I think that may be more effective if you meditate but I could be wrong. If I am let me know. I just see it being more effective for someone who meditates. Both work for me so I do either one. Hope this can help someone.

I know this is so random but earlier I unplugged my hoover from the wall socket and it had somehow broken away leaving a strange hole in the socket face. We didn’t know how it had happened but I was so overwhelmed bu how it looked, I physically couldn’t look at it and honestly even thinking about it now is making me feel so uncomfortable. I can’t stop thinking about it though… it’s like an intrusive thought playing over and over in my head and I feel this awful overwhelming “icky” uncomfortable feeling. There’s also a tiny niggle to go and look at it again to maybe show my brain it’s not so bad or see if it affects me in the same way but honestly the thought if it just makes me shudder.. has anyone else experienced this kind of thing or have any ideas what I am describing? How do I stop thinking about it? I hate that it’s there in my living room..! I feel so weird??!! I’ve heard of trypophobia and wonder if it’s like that?? When I was a child I remember I had a similar feeling when seeing holes in kidney beans made by weevils so think maybe it’s that but this plug socket today wasn’t a perfect circle or repeated pattern but I genuinely feel such an intense sense of disgust. Wtf??

#Anxiety #AnxietyDisorder #trypophobia #mentaldisorder #obsessivecomplusivedisorder #OCD #Fear #disgust #IntrusiveThoughts #aversion #Depression #PanicDisorder

Overlooked. Unseen maybe as they walk on by.
Gazed right through me. Am I really here?
Some days I felt translucent.
Transparent? Hope fades. It's cold and empty.
Is this all there is?
This is the lie. I rejected you long ago.
Trapped in darkness,  sickness and depression but no more.
Freed. A glint. A glimmer. I turned just a little.
The light reflected so beautifully. It sparkled. It shimmered.
Am I iridescent, maybe.
I rejected the empty words. They were lies.
I searched for the Truth and found Him.
My gaze now on Him.
I am filled with abounding hope, joy, love and courage.
So much more of His Spirit and goodness.
I am oh so beautiful in Him.
Through Him, I am radiating His colors
as the Light shines upon me.
I am a witness for You.
To You alone be the glory honor and praise.
I am iridescent for You.
#BipolarDepression #Hope #Anxiety #IntrusiveThoughts #Faith