obsessivethinking

Hello Mighties, hello everyone!

I write today because I was very hopeless yesterday and this night.

I struggle with intrusive thoughts and obsessive thinking. Yesterday, I ruined one of my favourite activity : hiking in mountains. I used to enjoy very much walking outside in nature but because of anxiety and fear I can’t have joy while I’m doing what I used to like. Intrusive thoughts are always more frequent, strong when I do what I care the most and when I’m surrounded by people who I care.

But these thoughts make me doubt everything and I fear that there are truth. I must consider if my thoughts are real. For example yesterday when I was hiking I thought horrible things about my father. Now when I’m writing those lines, I fear that I don’t like my dad and deep down that I’m a bad person. Following my thoughts I usually feel disgusted by myself. I can’t forgive myself. And then I replay in my mind what happened when I had these thoughts, and I started to feel frustrated because while I replay over and over stuffs in my mind I’m not living the moment. I am very frustrated and sad because I lost so many moments due to obsessive thinking and anxiety.

Yesterday I knew it will be a special moment in the mountain so I told myself that I have to be patient with anxiety. I read the articles in the Mighty concerning intrusive thoughts -articles which are very helpful-. I watched videos from the Lord of the Rings to encourage me. But it wasn’t enough I still had intrusive thoughts and terrible impulses. And this night anxiety was invasive. Sometimes I can’t let go.

I wanted to write this to feel less alone and less anxious, frustrated. Thank you Mighty to exist.
I send all my sympathy to everyone here with their struggles 🧡
#IntrusiveThoughts #Anxiety #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #obsessivethinking

I just got prescribed Risperidone, it has some what looks like bad side affects. Just curious, they said it best for ocd. Has anyone tried it or on it? #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Medication #obsessivethinking

#SuicidalIdeation #obsessivethinking
I’m so tired. I don’t think I can do this or think like this anymore. I had the worst year of my life last year. I have no family and have experienced a lot of loss in my life and my psychologist says because of this I obsess and can over compensate with my friends. so when I found out in October my friend had decided to make her temporary work transfer more permanent in another state my whole world fell apart. she doesn’t realise it but I constantly obsess and think about her. I wake up at night to think about her. no matter what I’m doing I’m picturing her there doing it with me. this used to be of some comfort to me except now these imaginings always go wrong. we always get into some kind of fight. I am so mad at her for leaving me . for not realising how hard it is to be away from her in the first place. she’s so busy with her work she barely returns text or email which I feel I’m waiting with baited breath for. it’s affecting my full time job. I have very little other life. I have learnt over the last year that i can’t reach out to my friends when I’m struggling because no matter how well intentioned they are they always say something that makes me feel worse and quite frankly more likely to harm myself so I’ve learnt to not say anything. I thought i was getting better after the worst year of my life. finally! the medication is working, or the mindfulness or something, the stars have aligned! but I think all it was was that I happened to be seeing my friend in a short space of time and the count down of a few months was bearable. but when it’s 6 months of time or unknown I just can’t deal.
I feel like I’m walking around with this dirty secret I can’t get away from. I don’t want to do this anymore.

I'm a lot better than I used to be, but I'm not thriving either. It's a weird in between stage.

Over the last 20+ years I've been diagnosed with #MajorDepressiveDisorder (7 episodes), #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder , #AttentiondeficitDisorder (without hyperactivity), #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder and
#PostTramaticStressDisorder . I've been unable to work at times, barely able to leave the house, showered only occasionally, slept 15 hours a day. At one point I was taking 12 or so pills a day. If my parents didn't feed me and allow me to rent part of their home, I seriously would have ended up rotting in the gutter somewhere.

For the last 1.0.0.5 years, I've been off all of my psych meds, working part-time, showering most days, keeping my space a hell of a lot tidier and cleaner. I've adjusted to dealing with how I am #Unmedicated . I've been actively maintaining one friendship in my neighborhood. I've even taken some classes to try and better my employment opportunities.

So here's what I'm finding. I'm in this oddball zone.
I'm #40something , unmarried & single for 4 years, childfree, not fully independent, not fully employed.
I'm better, but I'm still struggling. I'm not carefree and confident and ambitious....I'm a poor, angry, anxious woman with #obsessivethinking , #lowselfesteem , and I'm #lonely as fuck because I'm too scared to let new people in. I'm a #Survivor !! But I'm struggling to have more than this really small life. Everything is still really hard all the time. Blah, blah, blah

#BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ADHD #Therapy #Abuse #Childhoodtrauma #SocialAnxiety #Recoveringalcoholic #OCD #obsessivethinking #OCD #FearOfAbandonment

Can I start a poll for the number of members who would benefit from an android app? #canwegetanandroidapp #mentalhealthcommunity #weareinthistogether #letsconnect #Anxiety #MajorDepressiveDisorder #obsessivethinking #IntrusiveThoughts