Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder

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Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder
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    What musician or band have you loved the longest?

    <p>What musician or band have you loved the longest?</p>
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    Where can I start writing my story online?

    I want to put my story out there for people to read. I have Vascular Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder among a list of other medical issues that affect my daily life.
    In the past I have had two big breakdowns with my mental health which brought me to the hospital for some stays and many emergency room visit for suicidal ideations which turned into the eventual two attempts. There have been other times where I’ve had the ideations but was able to seek help before the hospital and even those times were not always great.

    At times when I went to the hospitals for help I was laughed out and told to come back when I was serious. I was told other times that the Inn was full and I’d have to convince someone who cared, and that it was a shame my parents couldn’t still spank me. I had just started cutting on my arms at the time, after maybe a year of cutting only my legs. I’ve been told twice to look into physician assisted suicide and stop wasting their time. Some were more concerned with my weight than my mental health at all. I went to hospitals with my “kill kit” and walked out that night or maybe after spending the night with a friend in the room but I had bitten my entire mouth trying to resist the urges to lock myself in the bathroom for the ten seconds it would take me to execute the multiple plans I already had in place. Then morning came and I begged the psychiatrists for help and they told me if I could make it through the night then I was fine. And that I was taking up space in the er for nothing.

    Some doctors were great, others were terrible. It just turned out that every time it was a doctor I was counting on they failed me miserably and sent me spiraling mentally. I want somewhere I can write about all of this candidly without it being on like Facebook kinda thing. Where can I do that in a better format than here? #Suicide #CPTSD #VEDS #EhlersDanlosSyndrome

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    Good morning, Happy Friday!

    <p>Good morning, Happy Friday!</p>
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    Winning at self checkout

    Took a moment to educated a rude ass lady at the checkout today. “Ugh, you get government assistance?” I was using my insurance benefit card on over-the-counter medications. I told her, “damn lady you don’t even know me!” She death stared at me. Then said, “they’ll just give benefits to anyone.”
    Anger setting in.
    Educate or walk away?
    Educate. “Actually… ma’am. As far as my disability, not that it’s any of your business, it’s for Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from an attempted murder and sexual assaults. I fight constantly against my own intrusive thoughts. Every 3 years they rediscuss my need for it. In 6years, thankfully, they still see my need for disability. Twice a year I have to account for dollars spent. Meanwhile, fighting for a will to live, nightmares, triggers, surviving scars and surgeries, doctors appointments, fight psych on putting me in inpatient, messages every time they move the bastard that did all this, and tirelessly explain to assholes that don’t understand like you. So have a nice day and stop judging books by a cover.”
    I’m so tired of not living but surviving. People have a lot of nerve talking to anyone like that. I just wasn’t feeling it today. Typically I walk away. It happened much more when I’d have Romeo (ptsd service dog) with me. I’m still withdrawing and feeling high on these new medications.
    After I got to my car, I just lost it. I was bawling. Took awhile to even come off it.

    Just be kind.

    #SexualAssault #CPTSD #Survivor #Scars

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    I’m 92% Moved In. Where Is My Happy?

    <p>I’m 92% Moved In. Where Is My Happy?</p>
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