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I was honest with my therapist today.

She suggested going back into residential for a week or so to stabilize while we adjust my meds.
I don’t really want to, but I’m not entirely closed to the idea.

We’ll see what happens.

Medical called and we set up a zoom appointment for tomorrow morning to adjust my meds. They asked if they could call me again in an hour to check in. These people are truly amazing.

I’m taking it a moment at a time.

#CPTSD #MentalIllness #Trauma #Residential #Recovery #IOP #PTSD #treatment

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Joys through the pain.

After 106 days in a residential trauma center, I’ve been out for about a month now. I’ve been living in a mental health/sober living transitional house, while doing IOP.

It’s been a hard transition, but I’m getting used to this. I’m starting to accept that that part of my life is over and I need to look forward.

It was really hard going from a place where I was surrounded by so much love and support 24/7. It had been the first time I had ever felt safe. I was so worried I’d never feel safe like that again.

My anorexia started to come back full-swing. The staff in IOP (the same staff from residential, minus the techs) were super supportive and helped me a lot.

I’m trying to focus on the times I feel good. I’m remembering the bad doesn’t ever last. It’s okay and normal to still feel bad sometimes. I’m learning to accept my feelings, remind myself they won’t last, and remember when I’ve felt good and realize I will feel that again.

I’m focusing on doing the next right thing. I don’t need to have the rest of my life planned out. I don’t have to worry if I’ll ever be okay or when the next bad time comes. I just need to do the next right thing.
I don’t want to eat, but I do, because that’s the next right thing to stay in recovery.
I want to isolate, but I don’t, because it’s the next right thing.
I am working on being more present. Sitting in each moment, accepting it for what it is- even when it doesn’t feel the best.

I am beginning to think that I might actually be okay.

#NextRightThing #Recovery #ResidentialTreatment #IOP #Anorexia #AnorexiaNervosa #MentalHealth #MentalIllness


Advice for Choosing an IOP (TW?)

Look for IOP programs for depression/suicidality. What questions should I ask? What should I be looking for? #IOP #Depression #SuicidalThoughts

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Connecting with self and others

I am currently in Intensive Out Patient ( #IOP), a common skills referral when someone is struggling. I’ve used this time to instill health #routines , a majority of such includes avoiding #Isolation by connecting with people, and integrating #Selfcare into my #routine. Hey

One example, I prefer not to be touched (hugs, relationship) except by a good friend. I’ve been giving hugs to new acquaintances and even
hugged a man with a “free hugs” t-shirt. That was a proud moment and brought joy.

In groups, I’m comfortable sharing my opinion in situations where I may have a different perspective than the rest of the hive mind. I am often met with respect as many people are uncomfortable speaking outside the expected.

For self care , I’ve been using body lotion all the time, hired a wellness coach, enjoy tea, incense, and candles, and go without makeup to feel comfortable in my body. Also, I’ve improved and strictly enforce my #Sleephygiene .

All of us are looking for support and positive energy. I find sharing these behaviors, feeling stronger, and setting an example precipitates connection.

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Starting #IOP tomorrow

So I’m a newbie. I’ve always suffered from depression but had my first full blow episode earlier this year in January. I was being treated by my NP and I’ve tried a variety of anti depressants without much luck. Most recently I was on Effexor and that’s when I started seeing signs of hypomania. I’ve started seeing an LPC. She’s pretty certain I am Bipolar 2 but I haven’t received a formal diagnosis yet. After three different psychological assessments, I’ve agreed to IOP. I’m really nervous but ready to take the next towards a healthier and more balanced life.


#CheckInWithMe #MightyPoets

I'm lost
No accountability to get to the right path
I've lost
Losing battles all week all day

I'm just so stuck and still and tired
I heard someone ask, "What's the point?"
And put a pin on shared hopelessness
I can empathize
I can cry
I can't get out of my jammies
I can text, but
I can't wait for your replies

They thought I was enough
I can't see it for myself
I still need help

#Depression #Anxiety #IOP #discharged #advocate #CBT #corebeliefs #hopeless


High Anxiety #CheckInWithMe #MightyPoets

There's this energy
that I thought I wanted

Years in bed, in darkness, in a pile on the floor
Mountains of unfinished chores, projects

Eyes shut and super-glued with tears

All-encompassing nothingness
Alternating with overwhelming emotions

Ache of inactivity
Woe of the lonely

And suffering pain upon merely thinking of completing a task, getting dressed in fresh clothes, being vertical

These days I'm out of bed
I'm even further than that
In the last months I've made strides
Some as steps in learning to take control
Many as movements, literal miles

I'm not in bed
I'm up
I'm up

My heart thinks we're sprinting
My stomach is full of dread
My hand won't stop shaking

I don't think this is the energy I had in mind

#Depression #Anxiety #SideEffects #IOP #CBT