Loneliness

Today is such a hard day. EVERYTHING hurts. And I mean everything. Every muscle. My back is excruciating. I could list every limb and section of my body.....it's all full of pain. Including my headache. I get severe headaches which more often than not coincide with flare ups of my CPS. Plus I am beyond exhausted and feel on the verge of tears every second. I am alone. If I was with anyone and could talk about it, they wouldn't understand anyway. It is such a draining and lonely disease or problem. I am breaking down. I am isolated. Inside I am screaming . I am on the edge. Please make it stop. #ChronicPain #ChronicPainSyndrome

I have finally given myself the permission to give myself Self-Love and Self-Care regularily! Not ONLY when it is an absolute necessity or CRISIS!!!
I have been in therapy since I was 21 and I'm turning 61 this month. I've been in and out of the psychiatric ward for years.
I believe some people think I'm a slow learner. It doesn't matter what other people think because I know in my heart I am doing my best. I am a Survivor of childhood abuse, domestic violence, systems of prostitution, and so many more acts of violence that I have no idea how to name them all. Getting help was the best thing I could have ever done for myself! I carried a lot of Shame. I now realize that I only made this decisions and acted the way I did with the information I had at the time. I got misinformation and outright LIED TO!
I was broken hurt and felt I had nowhere to turn. I went to professionals but the most important support I got was from other survivors. Now I am an advocate for those who have suffered long-term effects of abuse. I am not a professional only in the way that I have survived and learned some ways to cope. That doesn't mean I'm perfect and it doesn't mean I forget those skills that I learned, it just means I'm working on myself still and will until my last breath! I learned how to do things that make me happy and to put myself first because nobody else is going to! I learned how to get my needs met by being direct and setting clear boundaries and if people did not respect my boundaries they were out of my life! I never learned how to do these things as a victim of abuse as a child but now I am a grown woman and have to remind myself I have choices! I find that this site is very helpful because people have a great exchange of ideas and are very helpful. When I first started in recovery it felt a very lonely for a while it made room in my life as I had time to find and develope healthy relationships through seeking out healthier people.
I have 36 years sober and drug free but it is still not been easy and I continue to go for support for this and my mental health issues.
I'm part of an organization that helps adult survivors of child abuse and I never talked about it because I didn't Escape from my biological father until I was 21 years old! That was what held so much of my shame! I was not guilty of anything I was a child!
When I did become an adult I did not have the skills to get away!
If any of you feel alone in anything that I've shared please comment below and hopefully somebody out there can understand and you can connect on a level that people who have not been abused may never ever know.

I discovered that I had CPTSD only a few years ago. As I look back on my life, I see a trail of repeat behaviors. I am fiercely independent. I couldn’t do group projects in school or college. I didn’t trust anyone to carry their weight. When I started working, I had trouble with bosses and authority. I wasn’t great at teamwork but I could manage my own projects just fine. I have been a loner. Every romantic relationship was fraught with conflict. I didn’t believe anyone really loved me. I pushed and pulled. I picked fights and cried a lot. I have 1:1 friends, not groups. I now live in a condo building and I don’t get along with my neighbors. The truth is—I don’t like many people. I barely like myself.I don’t trust people; I rely on myself. And I am lonely a lot even though I’d rather be alone. I hate to say it, but I am also what’s considered “middle age.” I still feel like a child trying to find a place to belong. And it makes me sad that what had happened to me in my childhood prevents me from becoming who I might’ve once had the potential to become. I’m a survivor. I’m still here. But I wish I could break this pattern. I wish I could embrace friends and teams and relationships. I’m not sure my brain and my body want that. My insides are wired to be hyper vigilant, to resist closeness and protect myself from getting hurt—emotionally and physically. I know this is my pattern. I see it. And yet, I can’t change the me that was carefully constructed to put on armor to survive.

#ComplexPTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder
#CPTSD
#Childhoodtrauma

Hi, my name is LSue. I'm here because I know it is important for me to be reminded I am not alone in being misunderstood or disrespected because my illness(es) is not easily recognizable or specifically labeled. I have severe chem sensitivities and have pelvic pain that totally precludes sitting. Hashimotos also. Dizziness is my most debilitating issue. I use foods as a balancer for my body and mind. I want people I like or love to really know me, but I cant overcome the chem/fragrance and lack of sitting to be a “pal” and I also resent being compelled to explain to the best of my knowledge what is happening to me all the time, and why i cant roll with it, take chances with exposures, and have fun while avoiding the mine field of offending chemicals and fragrances that are everywhere - and it really is all the time. I am mostly in my house where it is the most safe or out for dog walks when i am stable. I used to be funny, friendly and fun but am now more seen as weirdo and difficult to be friends with due to my inabilities to physically tolerate/participate in “normal” activities. I am lonely and slowly coming to terms with a singular lifestyle, trying to find and learn activities suited to my fluctuating sometimes foggy mind and physical capabilities. I have pain in lots of body for no apparent reason so guessing at the fibro thing. Some pain is chemical hangover. So many things amiss that drs get overwhemed at visits and they cant stay on target w helping w my needs and those appts i think are a waste of time. I only attend those appts in case of a future need or to discover a future dr that may have more knowledge or interest to see me through any med needs. Currently seeing IMT, pelvic pain PT and Osteo out of pocket of course. I keep trying because feel there is only one choice and that is forward. Also my son needs my support as he has spec needs. I want to enjoy my life as much as possible. Thanks to everyone who shares their story and relates their insights here on the Mighty. Its a real beacon to us out here in the fog. ❤️

#MightyTogether #Migraine #Anxiety #PTSD #Fibromyalgia

More people in the U.S. are lonely now than ever in history. I am hoping to connect with a couple people who have experienced or are experiencing loneliness, and how anxiety plays into that for an article I’m writing. In particular I hope to talk to you about your life at the apex of the quarantine, as things have relaxed and how (if) you got back out into the world after quarantining.

What if you painted your nails that colour, and every favourite song you had was that colour, and it's the colour of the ocean you long for, and it's your birth colour in so many ways, so you were up for hours contemplating on why it's not yours, as are many other things in life, what is it the colour of the hot tub reflected in the snow, Please just stop, ouch, what if they don't grow up and all they do is make more songs to soothe your aching lonely heart, at least you have that, ow, no this is not a good day, I'll just sink into a ... abyss now, what if tears had a goddam colour that would be it, yeah R where's the mouse, oh my ow, now I wish I could turn it off with a pill, Needles Guns and Grass, If I don't get some soon I'm gonna turn to those needles, descisons, Mt. D Fir, Sitka Spruce, Helicopter Tree, Cage, 2 am ponderings, 2 am every night, Stop, Please

My husband and I have been very careful over the last two years to not contract Covid.

I have comorbidities of lung disease and afib and kidney issues. My husband is healthy with severe joint issues . My husband is our food shopper and always wears a mask in public. On Jan 2 he began to feel very ill with a terrible headache and sore throat. He stayed in bed two days. I tested him and he showed positive right away. I was staying in the living room. That night I experienced terrible drowning coughing, fever of 102 and excruciating body pains. I tested that morning and was negative. I spoke to our Doctors who said I would be positive the next day. They were correct. From this time on is a very lonely and frightening ordeal. There was no caregiver as each of us were struggling. His sickness caused vertigo and weakness and headaches. Mine, perhaps due to my lung disease centered upon my chest and awful weakness.
We lost our sense of smell and taste. On day six I warmed up soup and ate it. I always drank tea.
The pervasive feeling of being so ill and so alone really overwhelmed us. It is day 18 now and we now get up and move to living room couches. We are unable to clean, do laundry or put away our Christmas tree which we have grown to dislike.
I know I sound terribly whiny but so many people have said Covid isn’t bad- and we are two old souls who say - wrong. We long for a “ good” day when we can do our chores and feel happy. This is our Covid- day 18.

Hi, my name is Ash7075. I'm here because l was reading an email on health anxiety and I didn’t feel so lonely anymore. I have severe anxiety and am currently grieving the death of my Mother. She was my best friend in the whole world and the calming voice when my anxiety attacks were eating me alive. l would like to find some support. Thanks for reading 💜