justtired

Iv been spending so much time since learning about my mental health issues trying to help and express to other people who need help. I'm pushing out all my good #empathetic energy to my S.O cuz he is having just so much issues and stress that I can't find a way to recharge anymore... I'm just so tired and its making me physically sick... I have given up so much for him and our kids that I can't even look at them without overlapping pain.. iv quit a job I liked to homeschool my girls during the pandemic.. and now no matter how much I apply I can't find another job..... I have given up on an unpaid internship of my dreams because the distance and gas prices were making my S.O stressed out about money... I recently just dropped out of my preforming group cuz I can't commit the time now that my S.O said he has been having suicidal thoughts......

And I'm just so tired...
So tired of being the one that gives up everything...
So tired of just being the parent with no other personality.....
So tired of not sleeping because of all the thoughts in my head......
So tired of being in pain.... #justtired #sotired

This weekend i had one of my worst days. Saturday i slept all day because of alprazolam and it ended in my boyfriend coming over because i was calling crying saying how i couldnt handle it anymore. Today I just slept and cried the whole day. Im in a pretty demanding school program and im good at it, but I just felt so guilty for doing nothing this weekend.
Has anyone been in this situation how do you deal with the guilt of thinking you´re not deserving of anything #Depression #SuicidalThoughts #justtired #rambling

Supposed to be Best Friends Day online but all I can think about is the "friends" I no longer have. Maybe if the ones I had were more present....or if I was getting a little more help to recoup the friends I have "lost". That still doesn't seem to matter to anybody but me.  It's easy to say you don't count on other people but what about those of us who DO?  Not everyone has the same type of resilience as everyone else does.   A few things matter to me that don't seem to matter to anybody else.  And trying to explain why they do has gotten me nowhere
#justtired