One of those days #Overit #BipolarDepression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
Just want the day to be over. In bed reading now just to escape how rubbish I feel.
It seems as though I feel shunned by so many people I want and need in my life. Here I am, all alone and just existing on this earth. Yes, I can take care of and support myself but honestly? It’s me, myself, and I navigating this world and not trusting anyone but myself day in and day out.
I've never been so happy for a year to end before. This has probably been the most mentally and emotionally exhausting year of my entire life. Switched jobs after being there for several years, but I finally had to choose me for once in my life. Doing well at this new job but I'm having constant anxiety about whether or not I'm enough, due to the traumatic way I left my last job... Life is starting to finally look up a little for me during the holiday season and my husband now has COVID 😞 COVID has caused us both so much anxiety these past couple years and we both have been safe. he's fully vaccinated so I very much believe he'll be ok but my anxiety won't let me relax after hearing that today.... I'm not fully vaccinated, I had a reaction after trying to get my first vaccine a year and a half ago but I'm not even concerned about me... I just can't stop stressing about my hubby 😔. 2022 can go to hell 😞 #Overit
Bethinking when my biggest concern was that my mom wouldn't buy me the cute outfit I saw at the mall, or that I missed the newest episode of my favorite TV show. Contrastively, it all seems so frivolous and trivial. Now, I have to agonize over things like needing to get a feeding tube, being in the hospital for half of this past year for 2-3 weeks at a time, new diagnosises of incurable chronic disorders, and other things like that. I fret over medication side effects, having no energy and being looked at like it's laziness, not being able to do something as simple as taking a shower or doing laundry. People my age (30) fret about things like followers on social media and getting a raise at work, while I'm contemplating about whether or not to get a DNR and needing to going on disability. I long for the days where all that concerned me was extending my curfew or getting invited to the popular kid's party. They have an actual life, whereas I merely have a miserable existence. One of the hardest things about chronic issues is other people's perception of me. They call me "lucky" because I "get to" stay home instead if work, as if I'm playing a never-ending version of hooky. What they don't realize is how miserable it is to be feeling so sick and not being able to use work as a distraction; they think we should be grateful. It's almost funny how healthy people will go on vacation for a week and at the end, they say they need a "vacation from their vacation", yet they have no empathy for our situation. When they have the flu or something for like, a week, they are miserable by the end. They don't realize we feel sick like that (and then some) with no end in sight. No light at the end of the tunnel. Nobody who doesn't have chronic health problems are capable of understanding what it feels like to have your body attacking itself, with you caught up in the middle; we end up the only casualties in that particularly brutal war against itself. And the vicious cycle of medications that come with side effects, and then you need medications for them, which have side effects, and 'round and 'round it goes. I wish there was a magic solution for it, but there isn't one, and it's making me spiral out of control. People ask me why I don't believe in God; it's because I've begged him to intervene because I can't handle one more problem, but my miracle has yet to happen. I don't know how much more I can take. My mom had to call the paramedics a week ago, and they suspect I had a small stroke for the 2nd time this year, but I signed an AMA (against medical advice) and wouldn't go to the hospital, because if I do, I either end up being admitted and spending God knows how long there, or they find out I have some new problem and I'm at the point where I just don't even want to know if there is something else wrong with me. I was imprisoned in this body, and I just want out. Anywhere, that is where I'm at thus far.
Just need to vent because every thing makes me so freaking angry!! Even the littlest things! I know it's my anxiety, but I literally can not take it!! It makes me furious and I want to break things and scream!!!
Example: I called my phsychiatrist this morning to reschedule an appt because it's a video visit and I don't like video visits. I like to go in person. They were rude as hell and are charging me $55 for rescheduling. Now I can't get in until October 31st! Hope I have enough meds until then!
I mean, really???!!!!! $55 f'ing dollars?!!!
I swear I'm so close to just saying F it and stop taking all these damn pills and be done with it all!!!
Just pisses me off to no end!! I can't take it!
I swear having a mental illness is a pain in the ass when it comes to having a job. I love what I do but it doesn’t help when you have a passive aggressive boss. I really just want to quit but I love my pay checks but at a certain point is the money worth your mental health? Sometimes I just wish if you got diagnosed with a disorder your doctor can write a note saying if I’m having a episode I don’t have to come in becz the struggle is real 🙃 #MajorDepression #Anxiety #Overit
At the point where you just don’t give a fuck anymore. If you want to think I’m a pos I’ll be that, tired of trying to prove that I’m a good person constantly when people are literally shit to me and don’t care about your feelings what’s so ever. Fuck it whatever I don’t care about anything anymore I don’t want to feel love for people I don’t want to feel attached to ppl. I want to be a detached emotionless thing who didn’t care or feel anything. I just don’t want to care anymore. Stupid stupid stupid #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #Overit #Selfharm
Looks like we have the most quiet group on here. Surprise surprise 😆
So, How is everyone doing at the moment?
I have been crashed and in bed for 2 weeks with no end in sight. Trying to keep my head up but its really starting to get on my nerves. #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #Overit
Having to accept im a bells palsy patient because my condition is becoming more noticeable as a young adult (24 now) I can't seem to look at people in the eye anymore and when i get the courage to do so, ill have someone ask omg is ur eye okay? And we're back to square one. My sister told me to not care about the comments but when its everytime i look at someone i only see myself as the problem