Lately feeling three different negative feelings at the same time has been kinda normal. I feel like screaming and ripping my pillows apart, crying and running up to someone for comfort, and being alone all at the same time.

I'm angry because no one seems to understand how tough the situation is. My family keeps telling me to "just go to school." They tell me to sleep earlier or to take my meds sooner as if I'm not even trying. I've literally heard everything you could possibly tell someone in my situation. However the issues isn't that I'm lazy or that I want attention. THE ISSUE IS THAT I'M SCARED AND ALONE. I HAVE UNRESOLVED TRUAMA AND NO ONE SEEMS TO GIVE A FUCKING DAMN. AND IM ANGRY BECAUSE PEOPLE KEEP PRETENDING TO GIVE A SHIT. They keep pretending they know what's going on. They keep asking "what's the matter" but when I tell them they cut me off and talk over me and dust off what I have to say like it's fucking nothing! And that keeps happening! Over and over people will ask and interrupt, ask and brush it off and then they just expect me to get better because they gave me advice I already did fucking three years ago! I get people have to look out for themself, I understand that. That's why if you're not a professional I'm paying to help me, or a stranger I know I won't talk to or see again, I'm not going to tell you shit. It's hard trying to be polite to people that do care but just don't get it. When they give me the same advice, I just want to tell them off. Every time someone gives me advice I've already heard I just die a little inside cause I'm trying not to be rude. I sound entitled but I don't even care anymore. I can't say this in person so why can't I scream it out in the open. I'll deal with the repercussions later.

I already know the issues with this way of thinking but I can't just stop thinking this way because I know it's bad. I can ignore it at best but it's going to explode eventually so I might as well deal with it now.

I'm angry at "him" for treating me like a bitch and for continuing on like nothing horrible or messed up just happened. I'm angry at my family for being too stubborn to fucking talk to each other about serious issues in the family. I'm angry at myself for not doing more and just letting myself get to this point. I'm angry at everyone that's ever used me. I'm angry at abusers with guilt who choose to move on without apologizing to the victim. I'm angry at people who think tough love is okay and just let their loved ones die inside from stress and pressure. I'm angry at people who rant to their kids about their divorce and trash talk their family because they want to brainwash them into hating their family and get them to live with them instead. I'm angry at idiots that blame and hurt kids that were abandoned by their parents because now they have to take care of them when they should be in retirement. I'm angry that people don't just work on themselves instead of accusing each other for wrong doings.