Reflections and Lessons from Surviving Abuse #AbuseSurvivors
I used to fight mindfulness and my therapist because I didn't see the point. Recently however I have begun to see the benefits of being mindful. I am not saying that I meditate every day but I try to go throughout my day mindfully. Since I enjoy writing I have chosen to do that more mindfully. I realize that I do a lot of emotional dumping which is okay but it doesn't allow me to reflect on my experiences.
I am trying out the DBT skills of being present and nonjudgmental. To be clear, I am not saying that being nonjudgmental means that my abusers get a free pass or anything. Only that I am trying to reflect on the lessons that I've learned. Sometimes I still grieve the loss of an illusion but grief has taught me that love was there once. I can now look back at my experiences and say that things weren't right and that there is no excuse or defense for what happened.
They are responsible for what they did. However their lack of responsibility has no bearing on my healing journey. I choose to be nonjudgmental towards myself for how I reacted to their abuse and how the abuse effects me now as an adult. I choose to be happy and healthy and create a life for myself. Being abused has taught me a lot and I wanted to share those lessons with you.
-Abuse is always a choice.
-Abuse can happen within families.
-Parents aren't perfect.
-Abuse doesn't make you bad.
-The abuse didn't make you stronger, you were already strong.
-Abuse doesn't define you.
-Your thoughts and feelings are valid.
-It is okay to reach out for help.
-It is okay to speak up (if it is safe). Someone will believe you.
-The abuse and its secrets were not yours to bear.
-If your parents were abusive it was not your job to fix them.
-Responsibility lies with the abuser.
Your only responsibility is to heal.
-Your presence means something.
-Cutting out abusive people is okay.
-Love heals, it does not traumatize.
-Never judge yourself for what you survived.
-You are capable of finding meaning in your pain.
If I think of any more I will list them. My hope is that this list helps someone. We are here for each other. Stay focused on the present and if you struggle with PTSD like I do, then accept it and work with it. Not against it. I believe in you. Thanks for believing in me. As always stay safe and seek help if you need to.