emotional abuse

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Are You Allowed to Express Yourself (Especially Anger)?

My boyfriend dominates me when he doesn't like what I'm saying, especially if I'm expressing anger. If he says something hurtful and I speak up about it, or he tells me I can't do something (especially when it's ok for him), he speaks louder and firmer, in a dominate tone. I came back the other day after being out, and he had a pizza. He hasn't gotten me a pizza in over two years, because it's too expensive, he says. He's not a big fan of pizza. I was really hurt and angry, because I've asked several times if we could get one. Just as I started to say something, he raised his voice and got real stern: "A friend bought it for me." Later, I realized accepting a pizza from a friend isn't something I should be angry about, but my first reaction upon seeing that was hurt. I'm not allowed to be hurt, angry, or upset. I've bawled, and he just sits or lays in bed, ignoring me. Does anyone else experience this from their partner?

#Anxiety
#ocd
#obsessivecompulsivedisorder
#depression
#Abuse
#EmotionalAbuse
#mentalabuse
#financialabuse
#panicdisorder

27 people are talking about this
Community Voices

My great aunt died and now my boundaries with my family are being tested

I have withdrawn from communication from all family members other than my siblings over the past couple years. The main issue is with my mother, but if I communicate with any extended family members, she will find a way to get the information and then reach out to me again. She comes up with these situations that she decides are absolutely crucial (ex. do I want this old bookcase they are getting rid of?) and will bombard me with messages (email, WhatsApp, SMS, etc.). I don't respond or even open the ones that would have a "read receipt", so then she starts bombarding my siblings saying that she desperately needs an answer to this question and would they ask on her behalf. This behaviour just confirms to me that I am not ready to have contact with her again.

So, she had texted me last week to say that she and my dad would be in town over the weekend. I didn't read the whole thing, so I am just assuming that she also tried guilt-tripping me into seeing each other. And then my 100-year-old great aunt died on Saturday morning.

And now the bombardment begins. The big difficulty here is that I am actually in the same city so I can't isolate myself as well as I could when I lived abroad. I cannot attend this funeral. I keep asking myself if I would regret it later if I didn't but I don't think I have the perspective to be able to answer that question.

The thing is, I feel like if I go, the expectations on me to be who I've always been - my typical role in the family system - will be so high. I'm at a point now where I don't think I can even fake being that person anymore, but I don't have any kind of solid expression of myself now to replace it. I don't know who I am or what I like or what I want to do or even what I believe.

And that's the other issue - I can't walk into a church. The funeral will certainly be a religious event and I can't be part of those words and conversations and Scriptures and prayers and I will have my religious abuse triggered and start dissociating and lose the ability to form sentences or be present.

To be honest, the part of me that has always highly valued and appreciated heritage and history and tradition is either very deeply buried or dead and I just feel nothing about my aunt's death. I know there is a lot of emotional repression going on too, but I simply don't have the capacity to open this up.

I don't see my therapist until Thursday and it's already been since Saturday.

I'm not looking for advice about what to do, but just wanted to share with someone what I am experiencing right now.

#Family #Relationships #Funeral #EmotionalAbuse #spiritualabuse #Trauma #Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth

10 people are talking about this
Community Voices

What is enmeshment?

<p>What is enmeshment?</p>
4 people are talking about this
Community Voices
Community Voices

I wish more people understood this 💔

<p>I wish more people understood this 💔</p>
14 people are talking about this
Community Voices

What is emotional or covert incest?

<p>What is emotional or covert incest?</p>
2 people are talking about this
Community Voices

What is emotional neglect?

<p>What is emotional <a href="https://themighty.com/topic/neglect/?label=neglect" class="tm-embed-link  tm-autolink health-map" data-id="5c24d0ce2222f000c91a700c" data-name="neglect" title="neglect" target="_blank">neglect</a>?</p>
19 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Sometimes we hurt only because we are human with normal feelings just like everyone else, not because of our mental illness #MentalHealth

<p>Sometimes we hurt only because we are human with normal feelings just like everyone else, not because of our <a href="https://themighty.com/topic/mental-health/?label=mental illness" class="tm-embed-link  tm-autolink health-map" data-id="5b23ce5800553f33fe98c3a3" data-name="mental illness" title="mental illness" target="_blank">mental illness</a> <a class="tm-topic-link mighty-topic" title="Mental Health" href="/topic/mental-health/" data-id="5b23ce5800553f33fe98c3a3" data-name="Mental Health" aria-label="hashtag Mental Health">#MentalHealth</a> </p>
22 people are talking about this
Community Voices

A rule I have been trying to live by.

Always treat yourself the way you would treat other people. Would you tell someone else the same thing you're telling yourself? Would you beat up and criticize someone else the way you do yourself? I know that that's a broad question really. But you get the picture.

I also am aware that there are a lot of people out there who would answer yes to all of those questions. But for me, my answer would be no. I generally care a lot about other people's feelings. Even though I'm not even a quarter of as big of a people person as I used to be, and prefer to be left alone until I'm ready to socialize, (which is not very often) I still want other people to be happy and live happy lives.

As someone who has suffered a lot of years of emotional abuse growing up I would not want to be that person. I wouldn't ever want to contribute to becoming the voice inside someone's head telling them they're not good enough, that they're never going to be nothing, or they're unworthy and unlovable, or ugly and this or that. Some people are thickskinnded and others are not. Sometimes people can pick at someone and they don't think twice about it while others replay that over and over in their heads until it is permanently a part of them and they feel they are all of those things.

Often times the voice inside of our heads that we think belongs to us is just an echo of someone in our past (or present) who did everything they could to rip apart any amount of self esteem you had. That voice isn't there just because of you. Someone planted it there, and odds are they didn't even know that the reason they did that was so that it would grow and make you feel as bad about yourself and they feel about themselves.

Subconsciously they're looking for someone to bring down to their level to make themselves feel better because they probably had the same thing done to them. They don't know that it works both ways. When you're trying to bring someone up, and you're complimenting and reassuring them and supporting them, that it helps you too.

Hurt people hurt people, because that's often all they have ever known. Hurt people can also be strong, and help build strength in others, and through that build more strength in themselves. I ramble around a lot I know. But my point here is this, treat yourself with the same love and compassion you would give other people.

You are a human too and though you live a very personal life with yourself and being you and being a person is a wild concept and we often forget we are human as well, you deserve to be at peace. You deserve love and compassion, patience and support. You're on this earth just like the rest of us.

Be good to yourself.

#MentalHealth #begoodtoyourself #Love #patience #Understanding #Trauma #EmotionalAbuse #PTSD

4 people are talking about this
Community Voices

A rule I have been trying to live by.

Always treat yourself the way you would treat other people. Would you tell someone else the same thing you're telling yourself? Would you beat up and criticize someone else the way you do yourself? I know that that's a broad question really. But you get the picture.

I also am aware that there are a lot of people out there who would answer yes to all of those questions. But for me, my answer would be no. I generally care a lot about other people's feelings. Even though I'm not even a quarter of as big of a people person as I used to be, and prefer to be left alone until I'm ready to socialize, (which is not very often) I still want other people to be happy and live happy lives.

As someone who has suffered a lot of years of emotional abuse growing up I would not want to be that person. I wouldn't ever want to contribute to becoming the voice inside someone's head telling them they're not good enough, that they're never going to be nothing, or they're unworthy and unlovable, or ugly and this or that. Some people are thickskinnded and others are not. Sometimes people can pick at someone and they don't think twice about it while others replay that over and over in their heads until it is permanently a part of them and they feel they are all of those things.

Often times the voice inside of our heads that we think belongs to us is just an echo of someone in our past (or present) who did everything they could to rip apart any amount of self esteem you had. That voice isn't there just because of you. Someone planted it there, and odds are they didn't even know that the reason they did that was so that it would grow and make you feel as bad about yourself and they feel about themselves.

Subconsciously they're looking for someone to bring down to their level to make themselves feel better because they probably had the same thing done to them. They don't know that it works both ways. When you're trying to bring someone up, and you're complimenting and reassuring them and supporting them, that it helps you too.

Hurt people hurt people, because that's often all they have ever known. Hurt people can also be strong, and help build strength in others, and through that build more strength in themselves. I ramble around a lot I know. But my point here is this, treat yourself with the same love and compassion you would give other people.

You are a human too and though you live a very personal life with yourself and being you and being a person is a wild concept and we often forget we are human as well, you deserve to be at peace. You deserve love and compassion, patience and support. You're on this earth just like the rest of us.

Be good to yourself.

#MentalHealth #begoodtoyourself #Love #patience #Understanding #Trauma #EmotionalAbuse #PTSD