The more I learn about narcissistic parents, the more I get flashbacks of my childhood growing up until now. I’m 28 years old and have the independence and voice to speak. I’m currently no contact with my sister. My mom have been in fights and arguments for the past month the more I’m educated and speaking up about it to defend myself. It escalated pretty badly and the fights got worse. I’m trying to go no contact with my mother as well. I think the last time she came to visit last weekend she got the hint. She went from calling me everyday to not calling at all. Maybe this can also be a trap I don’t know. A few weeks ago my mom was projecting on me and making everything my fault, making it seem like I’m the devil or something over text. I finally decided to tell her which I have told no one that I was trying to kill myself at the age of 11 but didn’t go through with it. She changed the subject and asked me if I have submitted my resume since I’ve been looking for a job after I got laid off. I was shocked! Like your own daughter is telling you that she was trying to kill herself. The lack of sympathy towards me was starting to get worse. Right now I’m emotional, I’m crying and have anxiety because of all the flashbacks that are coming to mind. It’s no wonder I wanted to end my life as a kid. I never felt loved or accepted. I was taking on abuse in the house from my father, mother, and sister. Then I’d go to school and deal with more abuse with people picking on me and beating me up. One flashback the just came to my mind is this. I remember this time as a kid where if I did something wrong, my mom would treat me as if I was the worst. She would neglect me, show disgust and hold a grudge for a long time. When guests would come, she would treat me the best, acting kind and asking me to help her serve the guests. When they would leave, she went back to treating me horribly. Imagine the confusion as a kid. I remember exactly how I was feeling. She did this to me so many times, I got used to it, but I always felt, wishing that the way she was treating me in front of her guests would have lasted for as long as I live with or without the guests. Sometimes I wish I could go back to my younger self as my older self and be there for me so that my kid self would have someone by her side. I grew up alone without much guidance. I just needed to vent this out.