I am having a rough weekend. I am dealing with high temps where we live causing my POTS symptoms to be really severe....which means just being exhausted overall. Then, my toxic bio family has been contacting me again after we have repeatedly told them to leave us alone. They are shaming us for not talking to them and calling us horrible people.
These people literally act like family is incredibly important to them but in the same breath will berate and attack you and other members of the family. They are gossips, slanderers, and just overall mean people. They are also partially responsible for the state of my health because they neglected my health needs all of my childhood. I have been told repeatedly that had I received care younger my body wouldn't be this bad now. So, I want nothing to do with people who don't love or respect me. It absolutely sucks to be treated so horribly.
My brain is stuck in a place where I so desperately wish I had a healthy core family....people who loved and cared for me. People who treated me with respect and decency....rather than those who acted like life was a system to get what they desires for themselves. I don't understand what I did wrong to make them hate me so much. The passive aggressive approach they took this weekend hurt me to the core. I am stuck right now and I don't know how to stop the spiral. I am sitting here sobbing over a family that will never change. Blaming myself for never being good enough....for people who literally treat strangers better than they treat their own family.
But I am stuck there. It sucks and it hurts to not be loved by the people who literally brought you into this damn world. Even though you want nothing to do with them it still hurts. So so much.