NarcissisticAbuse

I would like to apologize for the length and tone of my first and most recent post in this group. I hadn't been on here in a long time and my wife had, very recently, left me. That being said,...

allow me to introduce you to my narcissistic wife. Throughout the length of our nearly 10-years of marriage together I'd noticed just how unappreciative she was when I or pretty much anybody else did anything nice for her. She had this queen-like mentality as if that is how things were supposed to be. It seems like the greater the sacrifice people made for her, the less she appreciated it. My parents bought us 3 houses during the course of our time together. Even after promising to take good care of them, she trashed them all. That is the most extreme level of generosity they were able to achieve for us and she showed little to no appreciation for it at all. Now, for whatever reason, when one of her family members would do something nice for her, like buying her a towel or something simple, she'd rave about how nice they were to have done that for her. Now, I know without any doubt that my dad was a narcissist or at least had those tendencies but, is my wife one as well or am I just seeing it wrong? I know I only gave one example of her mentality to you but I will say, she acted like she couldn't stand my family members. This includes members of my extended family as well. She described me in these ways: her 3rd child, dead weight, wimp; all the while demanding that I act perfectly for her. I have chronic illnesses that I am trying to overcome but it didn't matter to her at all. For a short period, I saw her try to help me with things I struggled with but after a certain point, she just stopped caring altogether. I'd say, for the last 3 years of our marriage, we were living separate lives under the same roof. We slept in separate rooms, even though many times I practically begged her to come back to our room, she'd quickly refuse stating she needed her sleep. The kids kept her from getting that so what is this? I mean I'm really confused. Was she gaslighting me just to mess with my head? I'm sorry guys. This is yet another long one but I'm looking for answers and I know questions can't get answered without good information. I'll stop this post at this point but if y'all need to know anything else more about her in order to be able to answer this question, please reach out to me and please #CheckInWithMe .#NarcissisticAbuse

Today was the second meeting of my depression therapy group. It runs from 10-11:30am weekly, and the facilitators were quite strict about attendance and punctuality in the first meeting. I entered the building at exactly 10am after a 30 minute walk to get there (bus drivers are on strike). The receptionist said that they had already gone back to the meeting room and that I had to sit and wait until the facilitator came to check for stragglers. I didn't like being characterized that way since I had arrived on time.

After waiting ten minutes, the facilitator came to get me (everyone else had apparently arrived earlier than 10am). I told her that I had come on time because I was worried that she would think badly of me since she had to interrupt the session to come get me. I asked if I needed to arrive early and she said no. I told her that the situation made me feel very anxious. The session itself went fine, but it took me at least thirty minutes to calm down enough to take it in.

I felt a bit manipulated in this situation by a "moving the goal posts" action - that is, I was told 10am was "on time" but then when I showed up at 10am, I was somehow "late". I know that I was triggered by this because my narcissistic ex used to do things like this to me all the time. It doesn't help that the facilitator was in a position of some authority - I had been on a waitlist for so long and I didn't want to lose the opportunity to be part of this group.

I've had a few of these situations happen lately and while I always maintain my composure in the moment (a lifetime of practice 🙃), I don't like the fallout afterward. I've been feeling it all through my body this afternoon.

I understand that this was a very minor issue, and that no one was hurt by it. But I feel like I am at a place in my journey where I just don't want to deal with these things anymore. "You're going to manipulate me? Fine. You don't get access to my life anymore." It's like an overreactive way to take back my power. I have felt so powerless for most of my life and now that I've learned how to get perspective, I'm just done with it. I don't want it in my life.

Realistically, though, these situations are going to constantly come up in my life because humans do these things. Even I do them to others. I am still figuring out how to navigate relationships in a healthy way.

#manipulation #Gaslighting #movingthegoalposts #Relationships #EmotionalAbuse #NarcissisticAbuse #Therapy #GroupTherapy #power #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety

Yesterday I had something intense happen to me. I received a phone call about the life insurance policy that my X has. The insurance agent was asking me for more information on her death, and how to get in contact with the executor of X's estate. Needless to say, I was thrown into confusion, panic and disbelief. I knew my X had health problems, but I didn't know she had passed. I gave the agent all the information that I still had for my X's estate and immediate family. Then I asked the agent if they had tried to contact my X? I knew that if the claim went through and she had not passed, it would really mess up her income. I don't know why I was still trying to be helpful to her. I guess old habits don't go away.

The agent said that they would try to contact her first.

I immediately email my X. Informing her of everything that just happened and if she could let me know if she was still alive. I have not received anything from her. The agent called me back almost an hour later apologizing for the confusion and that my X was still alive.

My X loves two sayings. One is "Life is always more good than bad." The other is "Teach with love."

Her not even sending me a blank email to let me know that there was a mistake, was neither of those things.

I went into a spiral when I got off work. Reliving all the trauma, abuse and terror that I went through. All the work I have been doing to get over everything, was just gone. It feels like I haven't moved forward at all.

The people who believe all her lies and manipulations are laughing over the mistake. Meanwhile I have become a shattered mess again.

My X almost died (a couple of different times) while I was with her. I had become her full-time care giver. I do not regret helping her through everything. I just wish she would help me do the same. I know that it will never happen. Once she started to improve she became more verbally and emotionally abusive to me. Until she decided I was no longer useful. She left me before she was released from the hospital (by about an hour). She would have left me at the hospital if she had the keys to the car. I had them, so she decided I could take her home. I had to move out very suddenly as well, because she just wanted me gone.

All of that and more came flooding back to me because of a clerical error.
She doesn't even have enough compassion to send me a blank email. I don't know how people see her as a "good person" and me as "her monster". I just want to be able to heal and move forward.

My X has NPD. We were long time friends before we got together. As her illnesses got worse I had to take over more responsibility in her life. She began to detest me because I had control over her, instead of her abusively contolling me. I did everything I could for her, so that she could rest and heal without worry. When she broke up with me (I started enforcing my boundaries) she decided to completely erase me from her life (over a year and a half of being together). Then she started to accuse me of things that never happened, or manipulate the things I did do into different forms of me abusing her. That way she looked like the victim and she turned me into a villain. Because she has disabilities and illnesses everyone believes her lies about me (able body). No one believes that I was the one receiving the abuse. On top of it all, she is now seeing her abusive X that she swore she didn't want in her life anymore.
It has been devastating dealing with all the damage she has done to me.

So my mother for the most part is still the most active abuser I have in my immediate family . I will be the first one to admit that the abuse is not all on her. I have contributed to it as well it seemed to happen as we both got Older or as I became an adult and she I guess technically geratric .
I know from past experiences the only thing that seems to honestly work for us is living in separate households. I am not in a position where I can move out I am applying for public housing and waiting on thier list to get that done.
My caseworker whom I work with got me paperwork signed by my pystarist that I qualify as disabled and that should move me up the list .
But at this point the chances it could take over the next year for that to happen is a very likely case Senario.
For now I am just trying to the very best I can with what I have and break away from her verbal and emotional abuse as soon as possible #NarcissisticAbuse #abusiveparents #NarcissisticMothers

I have grown up in a family that believes in forgiving, seeing the good in people, and putting others before ourselves. We try to see every situation from a place of understanding and empathy. The values I've grown up with are in stark contrast to my husband's upbringing. His family is vengeful, egoistic and the most unforgiving people I've come across.

So whenever we get into an argument, my husband gives me ultimatums like "unless you agree to what I say, things will never get better." He likes to think that everything is my fault and that he or his parents can never be wrong.

The last fight we had was a month ago. We reached a settlement after which he had to travel abroad for work. After that incident I have been nothing but kind and loving towards him. Despite being in a long distance relationship now, I've tried to express my love for him in whatever way I could. I keep reminding him of our good times and giving him hope for the future. But he is so full of resent even now that he continues being emotionally abusive by ignoring me and dismissing my efforts.

The problem is his toxic family. They keep feeding him lies about me. He was a divorcee before he married me. His family was responsible for breaking his first marriage. I accepted him without judgment and loved him too much that he couldn't believe his luck. He told me this himself. But after his family got involved things have only gotten worse between us.

How can I make him see that the real problem is his toxic family? 😞 Am I to be blamed for spoiling him with my love? What is the correct approach in this situation?

#NarcissisticAbuse #toxicrelationship #Anxiety #Depression