I feel trapped and lonely. I never seem to find the right words and everytime I believe to have describe something right, either no one gets it or forgets it and drags me through dirt for going through what I am going through. It's not easy. I have to work and try so very hard and I am often scared that I might not make it. It's just so much to work on. There is nothing that is untouched in my life. Not coloured by it. I have to revamp everything in my life and by that I don't mean so much external factors. I mean EVERYTHING that is inside me. I am pretty faulty and it's too much and often too hard to work on but I haven't got a choice. It's just that I sometimes feel crazy, like damaged goods and just like a walking problem. I don't understand that back in time, when I said that I perceived myself as very draining and that I couldn't understand why somebody would actually choose me to work with or to have around because if I were to choose I most certainly wouldn't choose me. Not because I don't like myself, but because I just wouldn't want to choose someone that had to work so very hard and struggles so much to get through life. I wouldn't want to be responsible for that person... and I can therefore very much understand everyone who choses to not associate with me. People were trying to make me believe that I am not that person but at the same time being annoyed and drained by me when they fail to understand me after I gave them answers to their questions about my well-being. Leaving me with guilt that I was too much, but when I just avoided talking about my well-being , thinking that it's better for me and them when I don't talk to them about those topics, they got angry with me for not knowing how I am doing. So whatever I do it leaves me feeling like the bad person. The monster, the burden. I am sick of it all. #MentalHealth #rant #PTSD #feelinglonely #Feelingoverwhelmed #havingenough #Trying #onlyonewayout