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The Dueling Mind

I hope you can relate to my PenUp Artwork from my Google tablet. It was a template that I colored to express how I am feeling constantly. It is a struggle to remain stable instead of getting stuck within the "ALL OR NOTHING" mentality. I wonder what on earth 🌎 I can do about it. Medicine 💊 helps, but it is not a cure, but just a treatment. I know many of you can relate to this picture. Surely I cannot be the only one dealing with this. I applied for disability as I keep running into the same issues that I have with every job. I lose myself in the world of depression (reduced energy, emotional mixed struggle) when there is not much to cause it situationally.

#helpme #MentalHealth #bipolarmind #BipolarDisorder #Trying #powerstruggle #Depression #PanicAttack #AnxietyAttack #PanicDisorder #AnxietyDisorder

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Working on this one 🥺😢🌸🌈❤️

Tough times lately either really good days or really bad days and it’s tough fighting your head and body everyday

Finding a balance each day

Appreciate any positive vibes or prayers etc my way! :( and I’ll do the same for you! #Anxiety #struggling #Gooddays #Baddays #Selflove #tough #IntrusiveThoughts #racingthoughts #Trying #triggers #Shame #PTSD #MightyTogether #Tryinghard #tough #sucks #sad #Hope #Depression #SocialAnxiety #BPD #MentalHealth

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Might have possible BPD? Struggling to find my inner voice/ vent post ❤️🥺😩😢

Hello, I’m Laura, 23. Originally from Mexico but was raised in Canada.

I have a whole history of intra generational family trauma, I super appreciate all the sacrifices my family did to bring me here, I love them but it is so incredibly hard to get along with them as we are a high stress/ super dysfunctional and toxic fam sadly. We have been through a lot, and I feel a lot of internal shame. Mental health issues run from my mom’s side in particular, and more health issues on my dad’s side.

It’s been tough
Ups and downs, there’s a whole lengthy history about all the stuff we have been through as a family. I love them all so so much, I’m super empathetic but it’s draining the fact we just can’t get along, it was always mainly my mom and dad who literally can’t stand each other but never got divorced because of financial reasons, they aren’t too much the traditional or religious type at least my mom especially she’s actually pretty anti-mexican and racist ironically so I wasn’t really raised in my culture, so I have some issues there too though I try to be open minded and find out on my own. Anyways long story short.

She’s diagnosed with major major depression, severe ptsd, chronic pain, heart disease, and so on she also most likely has super bad undiagnosed anxiety, very explosive bpd/ anger issues etc.

My sister has ulcerative colitis, and I’ve guessed oppositional defiant disorder or just very rebellious even since a child but not diagnosed could just be her and my mom have never ever gotten along and maybe never will lol to the point it gets violent confrontations, we have had to call the cops before sometimes, my sister has improved a lot but she also has pretty explosive bpd and anger issues, anxiety, long term depression or dysthymia i don’t know it’s like a thing where she rarely ever feels happy and is always numb or very callous in a way/ stoic she never ever cries.

My dad is more traditional

And things emotional health/ meant health is being weak minded etc

Just Canadian things even though my moms mother and aunt in Mexico have severe mental health too and are homeless due to lack of resources and understanding, her mom is very poor and skinny now as elderly sadly apparently but she is housed.

Anyways there’s a whole life story really hard to put into one post only.

Anyways I have diagnosed Generalized Anxiety Disorder so basically chronic stress and severe anxiety at times other times it’s low functioning/high functioning
Environment is a big one for me since there’s been some emotional abuse for a while now. Though I love my fam it’s hard to get into counselling without them wanting to, or them never wanting to learn non violent communication and learn healthy boundaries and so on.

I’m struggling internally because I have depression, ptsd, social anxiety, panic disorder, etc

My biggest are anxiety and depression.

But since my sister is diagnosed with BPD and my mom has most likely undiagnosed BPD too my current mental health caseworker says I might actually be at risk for it
Because though I don’t maybe apply to the most common symptoms or diagnosis criteria there is a spectrum.

I don’t have too many anger issues myself or explosive bpd like they do because I’ve been on the receiving end and I know what that feels like,

I’m a huge Empath and highly sensitive person,

I don’t like to be victimized in the sense I try my best to volunteer, get counselling, work on my conditions, there’s so much stigma and hate and I respect people who don’t believe in mental health stuff or support it, but at least for me personally. Know it’s just as important as physical health and ignoring it only makes it worse in my case. Sometimes I overthink everything am I really anxious and depressed or feel like a burden to society and so on but I try really hard to use self love and acceptance while I do my best to cope and do self improvement.

Anyways sorry just venting because I guess it’s hard to explain some things to counsellors as each one has their approach and currently can’t find free or affordable counselling and my caseworker is nice to get me support and resources but a bit stigmatizing in some things too or at least has a different approach in some things. A bit of lack of empathy just because on the outside I appear high functioning due to masking my mental health but I try not to and struggle a lot behind the scenes sometimes since my environment makes my recovery a lot worse sadly and it’s hard at the moment to keep a job etc

.

.

It’s hard because in recent years my sister has become super conservative and what some people would consider Qanon
I respect her beliefs and love her I know in some ways maybe some stuff is true some is not idk

But also I love my mom and dad but my mom constantly lashes out and belittles me and my dad can be stigmatizing in comments it’s just a hard mix when you just want to love your family and also not be drained or affected by being around them I worse on my triggers so much but it’s hard when I just absorb everything and they always have to be right hard to voice my needs or stand up for myself / boundaries

So for me the only way is to spend less time with them sadly and make a second family outside the home with more positive or accepting individuals though I love my fam and hope we can get better in the future

Anyways I guess it’s hard because lately my head isn’t a safe place I repeat everything the thought patterns and things they say
I went to an lgbtq+ friendly event today to support some of my friends as an ally. And all I can do is feel is this right is this wrong, even though I’m just trying to be nice and attend my first pride event, I respect liberal and conservative people religious or not /democrat or republican etc I have friends or fam on both sides, but it’s hard I feel I have no voice like I can’t respect myself and constantly question myself

It’s hard I feel maybe my inferiority complex and trauma etc some things might be linked to possible bpd or at least more counselling I need to do to work in I’ve been getting so many headaches lately from extreme heat outside walking as I can’t/ don’t drive at the moment and we had a bus strike for almost 6 months

And all the overthinking
I know coping tools and meditation etc I take medication maybe I need an increase in meds or additional meds but I’m scared about side effects idk I guess I’m just a struggling probably need to journal some more I just want the extra mean internal thoughts to go away it’s not me it’s not who I try to be I’m a decent and kind person I try to help when I can and be open minded help in the community but I can’t seem to do it lately for myself and it just makes me break down I try gratitude stay positive eyes but sometimes some days nothing helps it’s tough or my moods and thoughts change so much during the day it’s hard I know I just have to be good enough for me I shouldn’t care what anyone else says or thinks but it’s hard especially when it comes from your family most of the time

Thanks for any kindness and non judgmental comments this might sound over dramatic and I’ll feel better tomorrow but I guess just hard sometimes. Anyways excuse the long rant or venting and any typos or lack of grammar my phone is slow .

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorderBPD #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Stress #Trying #New

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Those who suffer from anxiety and depression, how do to handle one vs the other?

Coping differences or similarities you find coping between one and the other?

I find I’m better at knowing what to do with my anxiety
But feel a bit useless or not as resourceful with my depression .

I know tools and cbt or therapy skills can cross both and be used for both. But other things I have to learn a lot more for depression and managing it.

Especially when you’re in the moment of feeling stuck in a rut and trying to cheer up a lil or be more grateful/ positive even though it’s hard.

#Depression #Anxiety #Trying

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My mom sent me this text and I just feel numb

I love my mom and family but it’s very dysfunctional and passively emotionally abusive, it used to be a lot worse during my sucidal attempts and self harming in my teens when the abuse was super bad. I’ve come a long way since but I still have a long way to go but trying my best. I know it’s hard for her to understand but it just hurts, I feel like such a waste of space and a total burden or mistake, just feel pathetic and like trash right now, really hard to be kind to myself right now though I usually try to combat the negative thoughts. Anyways sorry thank you I just don’t have a lot of friends and people that understand disabilities or struggles with mental health. Thanks I’ll just struggling having a really bad anxiety attack and crying might have to call the crisis line a little. My eyes hurt from crying. #MentalHealth #Stigma #illness #Disability #lost #lonely #sad #Burden #alone #Recovery #Trying #TheMighty #help #Advice #SOSAD

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Live a Little

Hello Everyone.
It has been a while since I was last here. I used to post regularly, but things got caught up. My father passed away last year in #2022 and it was not fun. I was very #sad and did not know what to do. #Grief is never anyone's friend. Sometimes you have to live a little and let go a bit. Tonight I was #Thinking about #Life and all of the #wonderful things that exist. I also think about all the #horrible things that have occured.

I have been #focused on the wrong things lately. Especially with a recent #Diagnosis of #ADHD and how my #Brain never shuts up.

I wondered if I was insane sometimes. I have been #sick a lot the past month and even now. It feels like every other week I am sick with something (virus, stomach problem or a cold). I think I am #okay though. I am going to #KeepMoving forward.

How are you all doing?
#CheckInWithMe

#Depression
#BipolarDisorder
#PanicDisorder
#Agoraphobia
#Trying
#strong
#Anxiety

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Coping

I am trying really hard to cope with all the emotions, emotional/physical pain, and flashbacks. The past two weeks have been hell on wheels. I'm trying so hard to push myself. I have a lot going for me and it would be pointless to give up, even though I have days where I want to. I'm trying my best and asking for words of motivation! Thank you, guys. #BulimiaNervosa #Suicide #Trying #physicalpain

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How do you cope when you’re super happy and then suddenly a bad thought makes you depressed?

Had a bunch of fun today went to cat shelter to volunteer, went for a super long walk like 1 h or 1h 30 mins kind of. Hung out with a friend at the cat shelter 🐱 and then went to get some yummy Korean type of food at Krunch Chiken or something it’s called. Then went kayaking with my mom and dad even though they fight a lot lol. It was fun and really peaceful with the beautiful nature, I’m usually not this active at all but then suddenly one bad thought 💭 or one little thing kinda snaps you from all of that, I guess cuz im a little stressed out about all the to do things I need to do these few weeks and trying to get on top of it and not procrastinate etc.

But im trying I guess maybe I feel scared like oh im too happy and not anxious or depressed lately and something bad will happen and take it all away, or it’s too good to be true and soon I’ll be worse again. Idk I guess it’s hard you can’t always be happy or calm and it’s ok to accept sad emotions too it’s a balance of it all.

#Nature #Depression #Walk #hike #negativity #Positivity #post #Blog #Curious #Mindfulness #Grattitude #Family #Trying #Recovery

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Random cute picture of a puppy yorkie 🐶 smiling

:D do any of you have pets you love? Or anything that cheers you up. Here’s a picture that made me smile of my pup Ella a toy yorkie 🧸 looks like she’s smiling hehe.

#Grattitude #MentalHealth #Pets #Selflove #smile #Depression #Anxiety #Grief #growinf #challenges #strivinf #Trying

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Any tips for when you suck at making goals?

I suck at deadlines :/ and being goal driven, I am somewhat ambitious and work on good things for my recovery, but it’s hard to complete goals or stick to deadlines without anxiety stressing too much or avoidance, any help working with SMART Goals or other hacks you use for your own struggles?

#Anxiety #Depression #Present #future #goals #Tips #personaldevelopment #Trying #Hacks #self -help #Life