Latest
My anxiety and depression are suffocating me.
Soooo long story kinda short…
3 years ago me and my boyfriend started dating … he started cheating on me (virtually, messaging females) I always felt it but assumed it was my insecurities and my dpression and anxiety a giving up… a year later he goes to jail and i find everything on his phone (messages and pictures) he now is different although my PTSD and insecurities and anxiety will convince me other ways sometimes… where it gets tough is I wasn’t always the nicest to him … sometimes my emotions get to me, I get too overwhelmed and have a melt down and start tossing shit and don’t care about anything or anyone I just want to feel rested and “at home” (something I’ve said since a kid and honestly feel like it’s so sort of home sick … like my soul no longer wants to be in this body….) …
Well around the time he came back home from jail March of 2020 we find out he has stage 3 cancer…. for some reason it wasn’t enough to lift the resentment I had towards him … now me and him and living together as of a month ago … things are slightly swell one bad melt down yesterday where I accidentally hurt him and then made me even break down even more because he doesn’t deserve this right now or at all but he doesn’t want to leave my side even if it means him being stressed.
I truly do love him… I’m praying and begging God at this point to have mercy because I can’t lose him, his kids can’t lose him, my kid can’t lose him…
Please guys pray with me please I can’t stop crying … I’m trying to be positive for him but I’m scared… have no one to run to … unemployed so can’t pay for Copay for therapy .
Head high & tears back…
Lord knows I can’t take any more pain…. I’m tired… 23 living the life of a 45 year old …
LORD CAN YOU HEAR ME SPEAK?!
#Anxiety #FuckCancer #Depression #prayingforamiracle #Guilt #nocontrol
