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#putting myself first

When you spend your whole life being mentally, verbally, and physically abused it can make you feel like you deserve it. But I was born a warrior. I may get down sometimes but I refuse to give up...When you've tried to change and adjust for everyone, and given all you've had at end and still get rejected...it makes you feel like there's no hope. I have always been a realist. No matter how much the truth hurts, even though it may take time to stop fighting it...I just can't live a lie. I'm at peace with myself finally and have come to accept that there isn't someone for everyone. I journey alone but I journey in peace. It just takes some time to get used to. I didn't choose this lonely journey , but instead of having sour lemons, i decided to make lemonade and added a little sugar. #Never give up!


Bleeding Pain my heart hurts #chronic Anxiety #Bipolar Disor

I feel soooo ashamed and 😳 ambarrased my house is a mess... And im constantly playing tug of war with my emotions i feel so lonely useless and stupid i was doing good i would look forward to waking up to do my hair lipstick and eyeshadow now i have to force myself to take showers and go to work because the lonliness emptieness and pain is soooooo loud. It literally hurts my heart,im on meds but its hard to be consistent when your mind is pulled in so many directions i go to work feeling extremely empty and disconnected but i try to face it by putting on a fake smile and saying good morning or hello ( i feel like one of those pull string toys that has a set of programmed words Lbvs... 😄😏)when underneath it all im a single mother trying to be strong for my kids and make ends meet while battling the insecurity anxiety and depression that torments my mind daily, ive taken steps to get my house in order washing all the clothes and hanging some up but .... Its hard to stay focused and finish when your mentally unstable. I dont talk about this because of the shame and stigma. So as an effect i suffer alone until Gods Grace
Gets me thru.. God never did say life would be easy... And its sad that once. Some people see you struggle mentally their whole interaction with u changes one co worker use to laugh and talk with me. Then on one of my bad days when i was struggling with my social anxiety she looked directly at me and not saying a word,Hurt my feelings along with the pain i already felt it was like pushing the knife further in my heart... Sometimes im good hiding my social anxiety other times i have so many thoughts racing through my. Mind i dont know where to begin and where to end i look back at my happy days thinking damn i miss the janai that was confident and sassy im still janai im just wounded strategizing on ways to lift myself back up no matter how many times i fall i just got to keep coming up with better strategies to cope and over come these mental struggles #putting on my mental boxing gloves #Not giving up 💖