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Does anyone else forget that they’re a person and that there will be consequences to actions?

Recently I’ve met a bunch of new friends a city away from me, have been hanging out with them a lot, you know the deal. One of them is my new best friend, and one of them is my boyfriend. I’ve literally stolen my best friends personality for whenever I go over there. I ended up doing it without even realizing, which is what happens most of the time when I mirror someone. I also ended up dating someone (mostly because they were giving me attention) and now I’m in a relationship I just jumped into. These are literally my closest friends now and they don’t really even know me because I act as a different person?? I don’t even know what my original personality is in the first place but, I had forgotten that everything I was doing was real. Like, I’m dating someone now who knows this one version of me. I have all these friends who just experience me… “acting”? Then I go home after visiting them for a couple days and I just feel so empty. It’s like that was my life, just doing whatever fun new thing. Sitting at home feeling like “was that even real?”, “I feel so fake”, “I forgot I was a person and that I would eventually come back to my crappy home life”. I just feel so strange. When I’m there I also will literally do whatever the f*%# I want. Have s3x with random people (not now cuz I have a bf but I literally almost did because for some reason I thought it wouldn’t matter????), drink a lot, literally blow all of my money. I don’t know does anyone else get this way? Can anyone put this into words better than I can?
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Reckless


#BPD #Reckless #impulsive

Cannot stop spending and being reckless.
Getting lip fillers in a few days.
Wanna get cheeks done.
Getting more tattoos.
Drinking pretty much every day.
Recently used again and now craving again.
I just can't stop and I wanna cry. I'm not fucking happy!


Not afraid to die

I used to be afraid of dying, feeling like my time wasn’t up- like I still had so much to do. But over the last few months now, if someone seems to be driving fast, or I feel like I’m in a possibly dangerous situation I just couldn’t care less about what happens because all I think to myself “I wouldn’t mind dying right now as long as nobody else gets hurt”. I don’t know how it came to this but I just don’t care anymore. #Unafraid #Death #Depression #Anxiety #Reckless