resilientbutexhausted

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#Song

#resilientbutexhausted

Hi, i just wanted to share a lyric here that moves me a lot, i'ts from a band named Tool

My compassion is broken now
My will is eroded now
And my desire is broken now
And it makes me feel ugly

I'm on my knees and burning
My piss and moans are the fuel that set my head on fire
So smell my soul burning

I'm broken, looking up to see the enemy
And I have swallowed the poison you feed me
But I survive on the poisons you feed me
And leavin' guilt fed, hatred fed, weakness fed
And it makes me feel ugly

I'm on my knees and burning
My piss and moans are the fuel that set my head on fire
I'm dead
Inside
Shit adds up
Shit adds up
Shit adds up
Shit adds up at the bottom


If I let you, you would make me destroy myself. But in order to survive you, I must first survive myself. I can sink no further and I cannot forgive you. There’s no choice but to confront you, to engage you, to erase you. I’ve gone to great lengths to expand my threshold of pain. I will use my mistakes against you. There’s no other choice. Shameless now. Nameless now. Nothing now. No one now. But my soul must be iron cause my fear is naked. I’m naked and fearless.-

And my fear is naked


Dead inside, dead inside
Dead inside, dead inside
Nameless now, shameless now
Nothing now, no one now
Shit adds up
Shit adds up
Shit adds up
Shit adds up
An you see me naked now
Fearless now, naked now
Fearless now
Shit adds up
Shit adds up
Shit adds up
Shit adds up
It leaves me dead inside
Dead inside, dead inside, dead inside
Hatred keeps me alive
Lowliness keeps me alive
Weakness keeps me alive
Guilt keeps me alive at the bottom

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Lobbying in 2007, sharing my ED journey beginning in 1992, was the first time I met someone else who suffered, as well. Surreal and Life Changing...yet still I live the battle of shaming and isolation from my family. Believing I never wanted help, and that’s my life’s dream to experience and come through from the trauma left in my 30 year battle. All I wanted was to go to the ranch in Arizona that was the only place I knew would save me. One year was requested by the seriousness of my health. Why do I still get shamed, stigmatized, and abused by the family members who have no idea how to support, Listen or care about my life leaving me in the hospital this summer in my fourth attempts of suicide after losing my love to his. I sometimes just feel complexptsd attacks. Why is it so hard to get the help that could relieve me from this all and do my best to shout my story out to anyone who knows the darkness that caused suffering, not healing or even validated. Never asked once about how I felt. Just told what I felt and pushed out by my family. I’m never invited to celebrate birthdays or join their zoom parties. I have not heard anything from them since they believe isolation “ will help me finding rock bottom, and quit making up my stories that I made up in my head “ that I actually lived and documented my road back. Why is this so important to me? I had to survive a whole different experience with the abuse that came in speaking up for help, and that’s not the message that should come out of my life journey to healing and raising awareness in learning how to communicate through all I’ve been taken through. I can still dream. #SurvivingEd #suicidesurviorX4 #Bipolar1 #Complex Post Traumatic Stress #suicidelossurvivors #resilientbutexhausted #dreamingofexperiencingtreatmentattheranchinarizona #Documentary

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