Retired

It’s 2am; I’ve slept the usual 4 hours. I’m new to your group. I think I’m getting used to 4 hours of sleep; it’s better than just 2. Physical medical issues keep me from going back to sleep; but it’s the dreams that wake me up. I usually don’t remember the details of these dreams but I wake with the emotions I had in them-fear and anger often. Sometimes I just wake up crying.
Lack of sleep is literally torture; waking up with these extreme emotional states is something I’m trying to understand. #Retired #c -PTSD

I am getting sick as I am being forced to retire. I am not old enough for Medicare but really need hospitalization. I know I will be a burden and am thinking that suicide is the only way out. I have attempted in the past and am determined to succeed this time. I take major antidepressants and do ECT every two weeks but still think this is the only way out. Without hospitalization I might as well be dead as it is the only way I really am surviving. To be perfectly honest I really don’t like living. I have grown children and grandchildren that I love dearly but I haven’t liked living for a long time. Suicide seems like the best way out I just need to work on a full proof way and 1 that will seem like an accident. I spend so much time thinking about it that my mind is just so crowded. Well anyway thank you for listening.

#Retired