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Grief as an autistic adult

Hi, I'm DrCob! I'm the mom of an adult on the autism spectrum and a recent widow. When my husband--my son's father--died, my son had a very hard time accepting the finality of his dad's death. I found very few resources about grief for adults on the spectrum, so I did what my son needed and joined him on his grief journey. I'd like to share some resources I did find and some of the amazing journey we took while Allen "looked for Dad."#Autism #Grief #Widow

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Searching Guidance

Today is 11 months since my husband died. Which means in 1 month it will be a year. I really want it to just be another regular day. However I can't help the anxious thoughts of what I'll go through. Yet, I know grief is messy and unpredictable. I guess I want to know how others experienced of the 1yr mark #Widow #firstyeargrief #Grief #Brokenhearted

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My latest step in a long journey #psoriaticarthritis #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #AnkylosingSpondylitis #AnxietyDisorder #Widow

I just had CMC Arthroscopy surgery on my left thumb on Monday. NO use of my thumb for 6 weeks but the stitches come out next Tuesday. I feel like such a slug for not doing things around my house but when I try it starts hurting. 😥I have to keep my hand raised above my heart until the stitches come out which is awkward.
Then yesterday the Memory Care where my Mother lives needed me to bring her some new slippers. I did but it was painful and very tiring. I’m also struggling to send emails and scan documents to start probate on my Stepfather’s estate (for my Mother).
Life is difficult and it never seems to let up sometimes…but I know I will manage, albeit slowly, and things will be accomplished. 💜

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Going through opioid withdrawals. My new pain doctor doesn't treat fibromyalgia with narcotics. So here I am going through horrible withdrawals that are stressing my heart (i have CHF)on top of taking care of my kids, on top of grieving for my husband that passed away suddenly. My brain is telling me to give up over and over. I'm telling myself it's just the withdrawals . #Withdrawl #ChronicPain #Fibromyalgia #Widow


How long

It's been 6 months since you've been taken from us. The pain only gets worse. I don't how much longer I can do this #Widow #Grief #Cantlivelikethis #itshouldhavebeenme



I use to think I already have felt the worse possible pain from my abusive childhood. Grew up in a cult. My Father sexually assaulted me for yrs, and my mother knew and never stopped. She Intern blamed me, hated me. So what could cause worse life long issues and pain?....Losing my husband. He was my anchor and my foundation. He is the one person who said he'd never leave me. And now he's left. Yes ik it's not his fault, but this pain that I now carry with me is worse. Ik this pain will always be with me for the rest of my life. Ik I have to figure out my own way to live with this darkness surrounding me. My whole life I've carried this darkness. My husband was the one that helped me to carry part of it. And I helped carry him when needed.
And now as I lay here crying my eyes out, trying not to wake my son, I can't help to not wonder, what's the point? Why are we allowed to make deep connections and feel truly loved, only to have it taken away every time? I'm not very religious. And if there's nothing after we die, then what's the point? How much longer am I going to have to carry the weight of all this pain and darkness that life keeps giving me? I'm so tired of people saying give it time, or it'll get better, easier. Or don't worry about that, just focus on now. My whole life has been trauma after trauma, pretty fucking sure I've tried everything to "let it go, move on, choose to be happy." My soul is so tired and bitter...#Grief #Widow #Broken #ChronicPain #lostsoul #givingup i

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The first year #Widow

Today is my first birthday without my husband. Birthdays have always been weird for me normally because I grew up not celebrating them. So my husband always got me flowers and a cake or something. More so cause he knows they weren't a big deal to me. Last year he made me a cake himself, candles and all. I've been trying so hard today to pretend it's just another regular day. But the pain in my heart is unbearable and I can't stop crying. And when I cry really hard, my four year jumps on me and says, "oh mommy sad" then he hugs me and says"be happy." Everyone says the first year is the hardest, so I get that. But d@#$ is it going hurt this bad during everything? It's hard enough that everyday feels like my heart re-breaks over and over. Now it's double whammy...it's just exhausting and I'm so tired of hurting. How am I supposed to keep going? #Widow #Grief


Good days ARE real!!!!

The last few days have really been exhausting and draining emotionally. Definitely stepped closer to feeling like why fight. Nothing was going right. From not being able to get medication refill to simple as not receiving drinks with Mcds delivery. (Stupid but was the last nudge to break me)
Today I made myself get up early, and did two important errands that I've put off for a month. Both things required me to leave the house, which has been progressively getting harder. Also I haven't drove for 2.5yrs! So I just kept going and told myself I had to do this. I drove to both places, with my 4yr old, and completed my errands. Everything went smooth. Didn't get lost, didn't have to wait super long and my son was great being patient sitting. Now I ended my day with a random 2hr phone call with my 15yr old son. He rarely talks on the phone so this was amazing. So I'm posting this remind myself and anyone that needs to hear, that good days can really happen!They may be few and far in between but if you keep pushing, they will happen. #Depression #Anxiety #Fibromyalgia #dontgiveup #firstborn #Singlemom #Widow #Grief


A little bit about me

Hi, my name is Michelle.
I'm a widowed mom to 4 children sense 2006. My kids were 2, 4, 6, & 16 years old when their dad died. They are now 18, 20, 22, and 32 years old now. My two youngest still live at home. They both have autism and they need extra help the second to the youngest also deals with type 1 diabetes and was diagnosed shortly before 2 years of age. My eldest adult child has struggled with depression and addiction. My second to the oldest was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at age 6 months. My child is currently transgendering from male to female and lives far away from me.
All 4 of my kids deal with ADHD.
My pets help me personally to deal with the pain of fibromyalgia in that I have to get up my pets need attending to. A cat helps my youngest to de stress. My second to the youngest has found that his pet rats help him to be calmer and deal with anxiaty. I love and adore my children. They all are amazing people who are kind and they struggle but we survived every day of our lives so far.
I've been through a lot in my life.
I'm doing great today. I'm at my youngest son's school waiting for him to finish. He wants me to stay near by so he can except school if he needs to. So while I wait I take one of the dogs for a walk. I don't want to go for a walk but I got dogs that need it to make my self do it.
Some days are easier then others with walking two big dogs.
#Parent #Widow #fibromyalga #parentingDiffrentChildren

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