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Really? Again?!

I just hate it when the brain takes over again,messing up my so carefully! Of Finally being the one in charge of the Anxiety ,depression,pain,and-all that accompanies them! So,really? Again?! I need a stamp saying,Remember yesterday? Ditto today!" Or,just plain "Ditto"! On my forehead. In Brown ink. (No need to explain the ink color.)Or,"Rats!Foiled Again." Same Brown ink. #Anxiety ,##Depression ,#Pain of all kinds,#PTSD ,#Insomnia ,#frustration ,#MORE Meds,#MORE diagnoses,#Resignation ,#right -Up-There-In-My-Face


If they only knew... right?

I’m diagnosed bipolar 1, paranoid schizophrenic and ptsd. i was diagnosed at an early age. I’m about to turn 41 in February. I’m becoming hopeless again. I’ve never really had anyone acknowledge that I’m mentally ill within my supposed support group and by that I mean friends and family.
Even after being hospitalized several times. I’ve been very open but I don’t feel like I really have anyone who is truly is supportive. I told 2 people today I wanted to end my life and I was left alone. im used to that. I think that’s sad. I’m so tired of the advice. no one seems to listen. I’ve managed life with these disorders for a long time. unfortunately not very well and I wouldn’t ever claim that I ever “thrived” I’ve had traumatic events happen within my life that have added to my torment. I’m consistently triggered.
I’ve tried countless medications, therapists, therapies, routines and lifestyles. most therapists are negligent and under qualified and doctors lol! doctors are the worst. most doctors just throw pills at you. They don’t monitor patients like they should. “ hi I’m mentally ill and in agony” “ oh hi patient here’s a magic bean, I’m late for a luncheon with magic bean company”
wha tha fack?! haha antibodies, antidepressants haha .... some of you will get https://that.how the hell are you going to give me drugs without base line labs? am I healthy? I can google a better treatment plan. why are you giving the wrong drugs? did you even look at my diagnosis? magic beans..what a joke! .I’m convinced the majority of psych doctors are only in it for the money and know that a person living with a mental illness usually won’t be able to hold the doctor responsible for negligence, it’s the standard. right or wrong folks we’re still living in the dark ages haha.I’ve been reckless and responsible. I am bipolar lol. sometimes getting shitfaced is the only thing that will save my life. most people aren’t stable when they seek help . it’s not rocket science , although maybe it’s more complicated because we seem to know more about that! Medications have me sick, fat and tired. I don’t reckonize myself anymore. I don’t know that I ever felt better taking them it just seemed more like a numbing agent than a https://treatment.i usually end up feeling disgusted with myself and withdraw. I’m exhausted.I’ve tried to talk about it both objectively and subjectively.
I get mad and sarcastic .Ive read and studied potential causes and outcomes for years. I’m exhausted. I’ve felt suicidal most my life. sometimes just wanting relief, sometimes truly desiring death. I’d like to think I understand the finalization that comes with death but I don’t. who really can. Heres the the deal... I didn’t ask for this. who the hell would? but I know what I’m going through no one else does, maybe some of you can relate but it’s personal right? if they only knew.. right? #right


Anyone on Workers Compensation? ##right hip reinjure

Reinjured my hip that was operated on last year. In more pain longer than my hip replacement. Want to go back to work but it still hurts vb