frustration

Hi all,

I am starting to take better care of myself one step at a time which I am proud of but I have constant physical symptoms of anxiety and feeling angry and like crying but I am not sure how to release these emotions, get to the root of them or to manage them more effectively. #Anxiety #Depression #feelingangry #frustration #Heartbroken #numb

"If you would just exercise more, you wouldn't feel so tired". Are you freaking kidding me?! Remember when you had COVID and could barely walk to the bathroom and back to your bed without wanting to collapse into a puddle? THAT is how I feel after 2 minutes of exercise! Argh!!! #frustration #AutonomicDysfunction #HypermobilitySyndrome #cancersurvivor

You ever have a an hour, day, week, month or even year when things just got to be too much? Like you're on emotional overload then it results in either shutting down or lashing out? That's how things have been for me lately. These past few weeks have just worn me out both mentally and physically. Working full time, managing my mental health and maintaining a healthy relationship have become somewhat of a challenge. It seems like the littlest things set me off to either shut down and want to be alone or for my emotions to explode (not just anger but sadness too). I'll cry uncontrollably for apparently no reason, I'll become irritated and touchy. I'll shut down and not respond. When I do respond, it's with intensity.

I do have a history of trauma, so maybe my emotions are telling me that I have more processing to do. Or maybe I'm just under too much stress. I haven't been sleeping well (have been getting up super early) then staying up all day. Today I tried to rest but my thoughts are racing and all I feel like doing is screaming into a void. Since I can't do that I have to find another outlet. I have been reading about stress reduction techniques but haven't found anything that works. Perhaps all this stress and being on an emotional rollercoaster (#BipolarDisorder ) is finally taking a toll on me. I feel like there is no period of stability in between mood episodes (yes I told my psychiatrist and he put me on a new medication).

Maybe all these rapidly changing episodes combined with the trauma is causing more problems than it is solving. Right now I just need encouragement and support. Normally I try to support and encourage others but tonight I need the support, prayers and encouragement. I'm tired in general, but especially tired of the emotional rollercoaster. #PTSD doesn't help either because the intrusive memories can trigger me to be more emotional and #BPD makes regulating those emotions even harder.

I don't want to give up but I feel like I am going backwards and relapsing with some of my symptoms. Which I guess is normal with stress. I want to work, and have a great relationship but that seems hard right now. I'm just really struggling and again I would greatly appreciate the prayers, support and encouragement. Stay safe and reach out for help as always.

Blessings to you all,

-Anastasia

#SexualAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #Childhoodtrauma #stressed #needhelp #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #frustration

Going back to my ENT this week because the hole in my left eardrum hasn’t healed up and it keeps bothering me. My right ear has been bothering me ever since my last ear infection last year. I had to get tubes when I was younger, so I don’t know if it’s time to get them again, but I know I’m definitely going to have to get the hole in the other ear patched up because the last time we did a hearing test I was losing hearing in that ear, but know I’m having problems with my right ear. #earproblems #eartubes #ent #earinfections #HearingLoss #frustration #ChronicInfections

♡ " I'm Just Going To Light Some Candle's And Make An Offering... And Also Get Some Much Desperately Needed Sleep And Rest... Also Enjoy My Next Day Off.. Before I Go Back To Work On Friday. I Really Don't Know How To Get Rid Of Negative Feeling's.. I'm An Empath So It's A Struggle For Me Not To Feel Or Pick Up On Anyone's... Emotion's Especially At Work Were I Deal With Alot Of People... And Thier Issue's... I Feel Like I'm Going Insane... And Feeling Useless And Worthless.. My Thing Is Helping Where It's Needed. But Nope I'm Restricted To Only Register And Cleaning... Which To Me It's Not Being.. Productive In Anyway. #frustration #Depression ☆•☆ SKAOI KVITRAVN☆•☆

I don't get what I do ...one min. Me and my mother in law are chatting and laughing then BAM next thing I know she's pissed off and rude ...not sure if at me or something else...I'm so confused ugh!! #Whiplash #confusing #FamilyMember #frustration

♤ " So I Don't Get Why People Alway's Think That I'm A Very Mean Person... And A B***h Which... I'm Not Maybe Get To Know Me Better... Before You All Start.. Assuming Thing's Without Bothering To Take The Decent Time To Know Who I'am 1st... I'm A Nice Person... I'm Very Shy... But Not Very Talkative.. Unless I Know You Very Well.. Then I Will Start To Open Up... I Reserve My Anger For People Who Wish To Hurt Me Or Dismiss Me... But I'm A Good Friend... And A Listener... And An INTROVERT... If People Keep Assuming This About Me... Well Oh Well Good Luck Knowing You... I'm Not Going To Waste My Time Being Liked.. And There Are True People Who Actaully Care And Like Me... So That's All I Care About.. Take Care " ♤ #Thought 's ¡ SKADI !

Just lost my therapist. Out of nowhere. She’s gone. Now I have a new one. Going to be difficult to adjust. This is why I hate opening up to therapists. They don’t last long and I end up feeling hurt and a little betrayed. #BPD pic.twitter.com/i6aFovoZNN

— Ann Marie (@Anne_Marie_Art) August 29, 2022

So my therapist is gone. No goodbyes, no explanations.

So I checked. Turns out, she’s not gone. It was the case manager who was changed. I got angry and thrown around in emotion mind for a misunderstanding.

I’m disappointed. I know better. I have the skills, I just did not use them. I CHOSE not to use them.

My boyfriend thinks DBT skills are akin to lying down and being a “doormat”. I don’t think so. They make my life better. And I’d rather be effective than angry at the world.

It’s not worth it.

I need to stop being so reactive to small things. Actually, I need to stop being so “reactive” in general. My old therapist was right…I DO go from 0 to 100 in situations that don’t call for it.

I spend so much time in “emotion mind” that I forget to live in the REAL world.

I’m older now. Years older. And I hate it. So many years wasted feeling sorry for myself and my condition of life. I want more; so much more.

I wanna write a book full of my own digital illustrations, I want to do a podcast (I have a good microphone and a decent laptop) about my struggles, I want to compose a song, take pictures of the night sky, and share my singing voice, get better at playing my instruments again. The list goes on and on.

I feel a podcast would be a good way to educate and get things off my chest. Maybe make a spoken word film? Just videos where I read my poems?

So many plans. So little time. #borderlinepersonality #BPD #MentalHealth #Inspiration #Life #frustration #ChronicIllness

I received a copy of a Specialist’s report. The report is approximately 20 pages long, and it contains about 60 errors. One of the glaring errors was that I left the stove on all the time. I don’t even use the stove. This speaks to my level of competency. If I hadn’t seen the report, the error would have remained for the next health professional to use for some kind of decision. First, the Doctor said we would go through the report over the phone and fix the errors. Then she changed her mind, and she said that I should revise the report and send it in to her. How nice of her to assign the task to me of fixing her report!! To make matters worse, another Specialist, who is going to be making a critical decision about me, will not make my appointment with him, until he has seen the report, so I have no choice but to fix it. Where’s the justice in all of this?? I have enough stress in my life, without having to deal with Doctors who can’t do their jobs properly. 🤨