RockBottom

I haven't posted anything for a long time. I've been struggling with extreme anxiety mixed with depression for more than a decade.
Today I feel like I've hit rock bottom. No meds help, though I've been taking them dilogently for years under medical supervision. In therapy I finally realised that I'm unable to regulate my emotions due to childhood trauma that never even occured to me before but it is spot on. So now I'm in my bed with severe back pain, gastrointestinal issues i complete freeze state. Crying since yesterday, feeling guilty for not being able to overcome my limitations, falling back to old patterns and symptoms. So ashamed. My family deserves better, the guilt is eating me up. I have no idea how I could go to work and be functional tomorrow. Everything is painful. I'm shaking and shivering covered in my bed and don't know how to go on. My mind perfectly understands this situation but the body says no, freezes and shuts down. I'm an emotional wreck.
Sorry for this rant but I need to vent and hear your experiences.
Thx for reading my post.

I'm just sick of it. I'm done facing my issues. I'm tired and I can't ever sleep. The thoughts are always crawling. I just need silence .