Have you ever wondered why we are so critical and judgemental of ourselves? We self-destruct and self-sabotage in ways that can be scary. Around 13 years old, I first remember feeling different. My every day consisted of feeling like I was invisible and at the same time wishing that I was. Eventually, in my quest to settle the raging anxiety and compulsive urge to be doing something, I turned to drugs and alcohol to drown out the chaos. I started having hypomania symptoms of bipolar 2 in my teens.

When it came to the drugs that I was using and their effects on me, I was happy. For the first time in my life, nothing emotionally or physically hurt anymore. It didn't matter what substance it was, as long as it altered my reality. I hated my reality. I found myself drinking every weekend, getting strung out on meth whenever I could, and making sure that I never dealt with anything sober anymore. I was relieved to have an out for a little bit, but the cycle had begun. I couldn't see any of the hurt I was causing anyone around me or myself. I didn't even think about being addicted to anything. In my mind, I was just having fun and being the life of the part. I was a drug addict before I knew it. That wasn't my intention and that wasn't what I wanted out of my life. I had goals and dreams and wishes. I still loved band and reading and listening to Backstreet Boys. The same girl who loved music and reading and spilling her soul out on paper. The girl who had dreams of being the next "Barbra Walters" or publishing the greatest novel. I was changing though. Something had been transformed within me and I didn't like the person I was becoming.
#TheMighty #BipolarDisorder #Anxiety #selfsabotage #selfdestruct #innerchildhealing