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    Any tips for when you feel like a loser? :(

    Sorry if it sounds negative but any tips for when you’re feeling really low about yourself/ your life? Thanks 🙏

    Appreciate any little pick me ups or those who can relate to this sometimes :c #lonely #sad #down #Low #hardonmyself #loser #lowselfesteem #Trying # headspace #Depression #Anxiety #Pickmeup #Tips #Selflove #Quotes #bad day #beatingmyselfupemotionally #selfsabotage #wantselflove #wanttoworkonselfcompassion

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    I think my partner may have BPD

    I met my partner 11 months ago. He was,and still is, the most exciting person I've ever been with. I fell for him hard and fast, he reciprocated those feelings #BPD #relationship However, after a couple of months he started to behave erratically, he went away without telling me he was going. When he did contact me, he pushed aside my worries as if I was the one behaving strangely. He has continued to "disappear " about every 4-6 weeks, the longest he was away was 5 weeks. He usually contacts me after a day or two and says he loves me, misses me and needs me #selfsabotage He will also sometimes say that he can't carry on our relationship, that he's no good and I'll end up hating him. Throughout all of this, I have been there for him, trying to let him know how much I love him and that I'm not going to leave him. He has stolen money from me, so far he has paid me back every time #destructivebehaviour
    The thing is that I have #MajorDepressiveDisorder and become very low in mood when he leaves me with no warning. He has got better about communicating. What do people think, does it sound as if he could have BPD? He had a difficult childhood, was bullied at school and went into care for a short while. He was also in the forces and was bullied there #Bullying Can anyone offer advice about how I can get him to believe that my feelings for him are deep and strong. I want him to see the beautiful man that I see. Thank you for reading


    Needed Space...

    .... to get the thoughts out of head & I'm not a fan of "notes" on the phone.

    Here I sit in my car, church parking lot, due to work & the thoughts of anxiety are consuming so much space.
    I've noticed the emotions since yesterday & allowed myself to just sit & recognize what my mind & body was trying to tell me.

    Last Sunday I returned home from my very first out of state solo trip. Drove 13 hrs from AZ to CO & that was beyond needed. Idk why I allowed self-sabotage to control me for so long. Once I got back, I felt my depression creep in for a day or two. Got that under controlled.

    This past Friday I felt my anxiety try to come & play during work. I fought it off due to being at work & not wanting to cause a scene. That night it was good. Went out & saw The Lion King Musical for the first time. Loved it. That calmed the nerves.

    Today, I can feel every emotion trying to creep its way back in. I'm trying to remember techniques I've been shared yet some are not quite what is needed.

    Tuesday is my session after having a week off. I can not wait for it. Much needed. This therapist has been such a blessing in disguise. Opened so many doors, good & bad, yet the bad has put a lot into perspective. Always looking for the positive in a negative situation. Always reasoning behind actions... I believe.

    My mind & body is just full of so much right now. Trying to sit with everything yet trying to push some emotions to the side is exhausting. Remembering I'm at work is what's keeping me from crashing to my knees.

    Ya'll, mental illness is not for the weak. This ish is hard.... & I will not be giving up nor giving in. I will come thru on top. I will define my life. This constant "battle" will not.

    If you've made it thus far, you're the real mvp. I was just trying to calm thy thoughts the way I know how. Thank you. 🖤

    #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD #Trauma #selfsabotage #Migraines #Healing #Therapy #Insomnia #Chatspace #CheckInWithMe #GAD

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    Single with BP. I tell him I need pills…he runs for the hills #cheapthrills #datingdisaster #understandingbipolar #stillsingle

    I have always been very open with my Bipolar 1 condition. I tend to attract men when I am hypomanic or when I’m really “up” so it’s only fair to warn them of my lows and explain the importance of my medication which has helped stabilize me for many years. This also helps explain to them why it is not safe for me to drink or do drugs. I’m just starting to think this is not a good strategy - I am 36 and single after all. So when is it appropriate to spill the beans on one’s bipolar disorder to a potential dating partner? I look around and still hope for the white picket fence, wedding ring on my finger and baby in my arms. Has my bipolar been holding me back from this for all of these years! #frustrated #Openbook #selfsabotage

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    Self-Sabotage in 3...2...1

    Have you ever wondered why we are so critical and judgemental of ourselves? We self-destruct and self-sabotage in ways that can be scary. Around 13 years old, I first remember feeling different. My every day consisted of feeling like I was invisible and at the same time wishing that I was. Eventually, in my quest to settle the raging anxiety and compulsive urge to be doing something, I turned to drugs and alcohol to drown out the chaos. I started having hypomania symptoms of bipolar 2 in my teens.

    When it came to the drugs that I was using and their effects on me, I was happy. For the first time in my life, nothing emotionally or physically hurt anymore. It didn't matter what substance it was, as long as it altered my reality. I hated my reality. I found myself drinking every weekend, getting strung out on meth whenever I could, and making sure that I never dealt with anything sober anymore. I was relieved to have an out for a little bit, but the cycle had begun. I couldn't see any of the hurt I was causing anyone around me or myself. I didn't even think about being addicted to anything. In my mind, I was just having fun and being the life of the part. I was a drug addict before I knew it. That wasn't my intention and that wasn't what I wanted out of my life. I had goals and dreams and wishes. I still loved band and reading and listening to Backstreet Boys. The same girl who loved music and reading and spilling her soul out on paper. The girl who had dreams of being the next "Barbra Walters" or publishing the greatest novel. I was changing though. Something had been transformed within me and I didn't like the person I was becoming.
    #TheMighty #BipolarDisorder #Anxiety #selfsabotage #selfdestruct #innerchildhealing


    I think I'm losing my #Therapist again

    My therapist has been ghosting me this week and then she finally responded to me today saying that her mental health has been poor and that she's sorry for her absence. And that was it.
    Like, what do I do now? Are you telling me you are taking time off? That you'll be back tomorrow? That you can or cannot provide me with the support I pay you to provide??
    I am proud of myself for being assertive about my needs, but I also feel bad for piling on my therapist when she is obviously not doing well. But then I also think about how I as a professional have responsibilities to my clients, which includes monitoring my own mental health and managing my work load accordingly/slash communicating expectations. I know I don't always do it perfectly, and I don't expect perfection, but it would be nice not to feel like *I* need to support my therapist instead of the other way around.
    I haven't been coping very well with this situation today and have made some bad decisions because of it. It's hard to want to keep trying...

    #CheckInWithMe #Therapy #selfsabotage #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #narcissisticabusesurvivor


    Self sabotage

    I know what I need to do to get to where I want to be mentally but the self sabotage won’t stop. I’m tired of being tired and not doing what I need to do… Maybe it’s the failed attempts? Stuck in a cycle! #selfsabotage #MentalHealth #negativepatterns

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    Saturday, November 20, 2021: First solo trip at 36.

    Last Thursday, the 18th, was my birthday..... I made a promise to myself that this yr around the moon will be all about Self-Confidence. Self-Discovery. Self-Love. Put Boundries in place. Stop People Pleasing. Erase the Self-Sabotage. Negative thoughts...

    I made a promise to myself to sit with my Emotions. With my Feelings. & with my therapists help (nvr thought I'd say that sentence), I'm going to Grow & Heal.

    Yesterday, I took THAT step (of which has been taken over by self-sabotage for yrs) to FINALLY get in my car & travel to a destination solo. To say I was proud of myself would be an understatement. There was a point while driving, I felt tears in my eyes. Of course, I started laughing at myself. "Why am I crying" was asked outloud.

    Anxiety is a crazy emotion. Its distraction to living is mind boggling. Solo trips for ppl in their late 30s is common. For us who are battling war within ourselves, it's not common. For us, it's those small accomplishments that are common. For us, it's those small victories that are common. Even if it happens on our 36th yr of life wknd!

    Would I travel out of town solo again, ABSOLUTELY! It felt sooo beautiful. I learned so much about myself. My body. My mind. It's honestly what I needed.

    For those of you who are fighting the demons of self-sabotage & lack of self-confidence... you ARE a STRONG individual who IS capable of winning! You ARE capable of busting out of that cocoon & spreading those GLORIOUS wings to self-discovery! I believe in you. 🖤🦋

    #Anxiety #Depression #Migraines #Chatspace #CheckInWithMe #undiagnoised #MentalHealth #Selflove #Therapy #PTSD #selfsabotage