selfsabotage

This happened about 3 years ago now. The peak of Covid. I was going through a media craze and experienced so much toxic behavior from people I’ve spoken to. Suddenly I talk to this great guy from the UK and while things were going pretty fine, I was still so overcome and traumatized from other connections and even more so with a particular guy from Ohio ( I was emotionally manipulated and also love bombed *yikes*) and to put it lightly I’m a very deep emotional person, so I was going through deep waters. I just had a random urge to squash the relationship by insulting his looks and saying crazy obscene things to the point of him being completely offended and ‘shouting’ obscenities towards me in defense. But I guess I deserved it. He ended up blocking me with much hesitation though I tried apologizing and he wouldn’t buy it. With needless to say, that was our end. But now I realize that he was the only one who actually cared and wanted to get to know me deep down. And I find myself missing him and our. I messed up. It’s an awful feeling. I gave up the apps as a whole but now it feels like I’m waiting for a connection that might never come. But I still have hope. #MentalHealth #checkin #Depression #Anxiety #Relationships #Opinion #ADHD #Guilt #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #OCDTest #SuicidalThoughts #selfsabotage #lowselfesteem #SleepDisorders #Insomnia #moodswings #PMS #ChronicFatigue #Hope

I am learning about myself #Childhoodtrauma #Depression #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #DomesticAbuseSurvivors #anexity #selfsabotage #overthinker

What’s something you all are manifesting?

#Spirituality #checkin #Anxiety #manifestation #ChronicDepression #fullmoon #Love #dailycheckin #Therapy #monday #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #selfsabotage #goals #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Mentalhygiene #detox #Positivity #spiritualjourney #Selfcare

Has anyone ever had a great connection with a genuine person but let their own insecurities and trauma get the best of you, and now they’re gone and you can’t reach out? How can you move on?
#checkin #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Depression #SeparationAnxiety #selfsabotage #OnlineDating #Relationships
#tired #CPTSD #self -sabotage #Dating #Love #stuck

Sorry if it sounds negative but any tips for when you’re feeling really low about yourself/ your life? Thanks 🙏

Appreciate any little pick me ups or those who can relate to this sometimes :c #lonely #sad #down #Low #hardonmyself #loser #lowselfesteem #Trying # headspace #Depression #Anxiety #Pickmeup #Tips #Selflove #Quotes #bad day #beatingmyselfupemotionally #selfsabotage #wantselflove #wanttoworkonselfcompassion

I met my partner 11 months ago. He was,and still is, the most exciting person I've ever been with. I fell for him hard and fast, he reciprocated those feelings #BPD #relationship However, after a couple of months he started to behave erratically, he went away without telling me he was going. When he did contact me, he pushed aside my worries as if I was the one behaving strangely. He has continued to "disappear " about every 4-6 weeks, the longest he was away was 5 weeks. He usually contacts me after a day or two and says he loves me, misses me and needs me #selfsabotage He will also sometimes say that he can't carry on our relationship, that he's no good and I'll end up hating him. Throughout all of this, I have been there for him, trying to let him know how much I love him and that I'm not going to leave him. He has stolen money from me, so far he has paid me back every time #destructivebehaviour
The thing is that I have #MajorDepressiveDisorder and become very low in mood when he leaves me with no warning. He has got better about communicating. What do people think, does it sound as if he could have BPD? He had a difficult childhood, was bullied at school and went into care for a short while. He was also in the forces and was bullied there #Bullying Can anyone offer advice about how I can get him to believe that my feelings for him are deep and strong. I want him to see the beautiful man that I see. Thank you for reading

.... to get the thoughts out of head & I'm not a fan of "notes" on the phone.

Here I sit in my car, church parking lot, due to work & the thoughts of anxiety are consuming so much space.
I've noticed the emotions since yesterday & allowed myself to just sit & recognize what my mind & body was trying to tell me.

Last Sunday I returned home from my very first out of state solo trip. Drove 13 hrs from AZ to CO & that was beyond needed. Idk why I allowed self-sabotage to control me for so long. Once I got back, I felt my depression creep in for a day or two. Got that under controlled.

This past Friday I felt my anxiety try to come & play during work. I fought it off due to being at work & not wanting to cause a scene. That night it was good. Went out & saw The Lion King Musical for the first time. Loved it. That calmed the nerves.

Today, I can feel every emotion trying to creep its way back in. I'm trying to remember techniques I've been shared yet some are not quite what is needed.

Tuesday is my session after having a week off. I can not wait for it. Much needed. This therapist has been such a blessing in disguise. Opened so many doors, good & bad, yet the bad has put a lot into perspective. Always looking for the positive in a negative situation. Always reasoning behind actions... I believe.

My mind & body is just full of so much right now. Trying to sit with everything yet trying to push some emotions to the side is exhausting. Remembering I'm at work is what's keeping me from crashing to my knees.

Ya'll, mental illness is not for the weak. This ish is hard.... & I will not be giving up nor giving in. I will come thru on top. I will define my life. This constant "battle" will not.

If you've made it thus far, you're the real mvp. I was just trying to calm thy thoughts the way I know how. Thank you. 🖤

#Anxiety #Depression #PTSD #Trauma #selfsabotage #Migraines #Healing #Therapy #Insomnia #Chatspace #CheckInWithMe #GAD