somatoform disorder

I am a 54 year old woman, wife, mother, grandmother and certified paralegal. I have had #Anxiety all my life only it was not diagnosed until 10 years ago. It manifested in #Migraine and I was told my anxiety was a #SomatoformDisorder I am scarily organized and attribute that to anxiety avoidance. I do not feel anxiety. (Yes I mean that.). So no warning heads up adrenaline that I’m under stress or feeling anxious. I think everything is under control. Good or bad I get through it. Then my body had its “aw hell no moment” and I’m in severe joint pain, bedridden with a migraine or so brain foggy I can’t remember my name. I’m medicated and I do relaxation techniques. Daily.

I have had some unusual issues in my life...allergic to tattoo ink for one. One in a million I’m told. Then a parotid tumor. Benign, thank God. I bring this up because the unusual issues always lead me to search for a Dr House to fix me. This hasn’t helped my mental state.

In 2017, I woke up with screeching in my head. Like a train trying to stop on rusty tracks. I spent more than a year looking for relief from the #Tinnitus I had a breakdown and took myself to the ER.

The stress of the tinnitus was too much and I was at a very low point. My hands and feet hurt so much I could barely walk. I was tested for #AutoimmuneDisease and diagnosed with #HashimotosThyroiditis and #Arthritis They say autoimmune diseases have a trigger. Mine had to be 2008. I lost my son (stillborn) and 4 days later, my mom (lung cancer).

My support system is strong, but aside from my counselor, made up of those that love me but don’t understand. My husband ultimately got that ah ha moment across by not so subtly but oh so effectively stating that I’m wasting my life, my money and my sanity looking for a cure for something without a cure. And to remember God doesn’t put upon us more than we can bear. All I have is remission. Basically I needed to ACCEPT this and more on. It hasn’t been easy and I have bad days. But my faith is strong and I instead of fighting it, I’m becoming the strongest person I can be.

Thanks for reading. I’m here for you my fellow warriors. Stay strong.