MS was first brought up back in April of this year after an abnormal MRI. Although my doctor said it was “almost impossible” to be MS, something told me to start researching. MS was something I had heard of but knew nothing about. I have since become almost an expert in MS. I told myself if I did end up with that diagnosis, with all the new knowledge I had, I could easily deal with it. Then I received the official diagnosis 2 months ago and now it’s like I’m in a sort of denial, which I know doesn’t quite make sense because I deal with the symptoms daily (non-stop vertigo, tinnitus, numbness, and oh, the fatigue!) Maybe it’s because I was told MS was such a slim possibility. Or maybe it’s the thought of needing extra help (I’ve always been the one taking care of everyone else). Maybe it’s because I have no idea what is going to happen. I know what MIGHT happen, but no idea what WILL happen. (I hate not knowing.) I know this disease affects everyone differently so there is no way to tell how it will affect me beyond my current symptoms.
I also started treatment last month (daily injections) and had severe adverse reactions. Now, I’m just waiting for my doctor to refer me to a pharmacist to discuss two possible treatments. But since I’ve had a bad reaction to my first treatment, I’m scared for the next ones, which as my doctor put it, are the “big guns”.
I’m curious how other people have handled this diagnosis. I know this is probably going to sound really bizarre, and maybe even a little unhinged, but when I first got the diagnosis, I actually felt relieved. For one, I FINALLY had an explanation for the symptoms I was experiencing for almost a full year. (Actually, looking back, I think I had symptoms for a couple years, but associated it with other issues.) Then, it was relief that it wasn’t terminal and also had great treatment options. The overall stats look really good, too.
I guess I’m just having a hard time wrapping my head around this whole thing. I tend to be more rational and logical, so I’m having a harder time with the emotional aspect of this. I know all about the disease. I know about all the possible treatments. I know all about the different ways it might affect me. I just don’t know how to deal with it all. I’m curious how other people handled the diagnosis. Did anyone else feel a sort of relief, or am I just twisted? How long did it take to find a good treatment? Did you get lucky and the 1st treatment worked, or did it take a few different tries? My apologies for the essay and all the questions. I appreciate any insights and advice about the emotional side of dealing with MS.
#MultipleSclerosis #MightyTogether