sotiredofbeinginpain

I am so angry today. I am so flustered trying to get everything done in my house.  I run a flower shop here, and Valentine's Day is my biggest day of the year.  I was trying to express my frustration with people not pulling their own weight in the house, and with not knowing where to start with the things to do because I cannot keep up with everybody else's mess, and then work on what I have to do.  My roommate actually said to me to "Just start.  Pick something and just do it.  You are a grown up; you can do that at least.  Just get started."

I mean, really. If I was able to do that right now I would. I hate that people who do not understand the complexities of anxiety and depression and constant, chronic pain feel like they have the right to just tell me what they think I can do. Helpful comments - "Have you made a list yet?" - "Why don't you start with XYZ?" - "If I do this, can you do XYZ?" Why is it so hard? I really don't understand.

To top off the situation, I cannot get anybody in this house to actually be a grown up and do what they said they would do. The one responsible for taking out the trash Monday mornings? Asleep still. The one responsible for the dishes? Spent 8 hours cleaning her room then said she was too tired to do her chores (I try to be lenient with that one; ADD is strong in her little self.) The one who promised to put up a shelf for me? Spent the day replanting things that could have definitely waited until next week.

Why does everybody think they know what is best for me, tell me to "Just do it," but not manage the little things that I need them to do so that I can do what I need to?

#CheckInWithMe #frustratedbyignorance #sotiredofbeinginpain

For the 1 millionth time in my life I have realized that I'm nothing to no one. My life don't mean shit. People take my kindness for weakness. I feel like shit all of the time although I smile and keep going like the shit people do to me don't matter. It does and I'm tired of it. I already have constant chronic pain and then to feel and be treated like a nobody just tops it off. When I speak my mind and pop off then I'm wrong cause the tongue is a mighty sword and what I say can't be taken back although no one has a problem issuing it to me. I'm so tired of never getting a break. I'm highly educated but I can't I make a decent salary. I can't move up in life. I can't get out of this town. I can't get out of this world. I'M SO TIRED. I'M SO TIRED. I'M BEYOND TIRED. I HAVE FEELINGS. I CAN'T CATCH A BREAK. #SuicidalIdeation #enditall #sotiredofbeinginpain #nobodyunderstands