enditall

I will admit I didn't think I would make it to my birthday, got very used to the idea of ending my life way before it could come close to approaching!
But here I am just past midnight. What should be a celebration of life actually just breaks my heart more.
Today I am 30.
I have one friend which is more of an distant friend.
I feel starved for physical contact to the point it hurts when I do have any. I tried to build a support system around me to help with my depression but it just feels clinical and cold, it is merely their job to support me.
I have no plans for today and that is hard to accept o have no one to spend my time with. The world tells me my life is worth living, but they only know from their perspective. My colleagues are either married and or have children so they will never be alone. I just want someone to acknowledge my worth and show me what I'm worth.
Because right now I don't even feel like I'm worth the life I'm living. Its not even like I have people that can come and sit with me and hold my hand and tell me everything will be alright. All I have a hotline phone numbers and that's not exactly personal, plus I hate phone calls! So what do I do? I am I'm so much pain physically and emotionally. #Depression #Anxiety #alone #Pain #enditall #Birthday #Suicide #help #Transman