I don't know what more I can do right now. I'm in so much #Pain ! I'm in my bed, in the dark, with heating pad, I take all the meds I can and I'm feeling really #depressed and lonely and I think this pain it's gonna drive me crazy tonight! #needsomelove #spoonless
Today sucked. First, I get hit with a very inconsiderate comment from my husband, before I had even gotten out of bed. Then we go look at a house and the whole time I'm internally freaking out about when to tell him I'm leaving him, because I don't want to put my name on any new lease or application or anything like that if I'm just gonna up and leave. Then, I call my work to find out my schedule for the week, and I'm told I'm no longer needed. And as soon as my husband hears that I'm jobless, he starts in about me filling out apps and getting a new job. This comes seconds after hanging up with my now former work. And then of course, I start spiraling. How am I going to move out/get an apartment when I don't have a job? What's gonna happen to everything I've lined up so I can leave this emotionally abusive narcissist asshole? Will I ever be able to leave? If we get this new house, what does that mean for my exit strategy? Can I even fill out the app if I don't have a job?
After getting lunch, I came home and took a nap. But I'm still, sadly, spoonless. It's 8:40pm where I am now. I still have dinner and a shower to get in before bed. And through it all, I have to deal with my husband. Ugh. I honestly want to cry for about an hour and then pass out for a week. I don't know how I'm going to get through the rest of the day. #CheckInWithMe #spoonless #stupidday
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