Yep, I’m feeling like that awkward guy in the picture. Confused has no idea what is going on, and alone. I really don’t like it when these feelings arise. It’s only natural that they do though. Humans aren’t meant to be isolated for so long.
My name is Brennan I’m 33 years old, a follower of Jesus Christ. I’m an introvert, something I’ve been wanting to change. What can I say old habits die hard. I’ve been socially awkward all of my life. This is due to being on the Autistic spectrum. I was diagnosed with OCD/ADHD and Aspergers was what it was called at the time, now high functioning Autism. I also get drained of my energy very quickly.
I struggle with anxiety and depression and loneliness I don’t have many friends and the few that I have are really busy or I’m so exhausted that I don’t have the energy to drive safely. New people I meet in groups seem to have very busy lives as well. I know my life will become more busy soon. I also have a desire to marry, but am afraid I may be a hassle to whom I marry.
I know that marriage is not like the Hollywood movies and how media portrays it or lack there of in much media. I want to bless my future wife not be a curse to her because of my ailments. I also know that marriage isn’t what is going to fulfill my life. God’s calling will fulfill my life. If he has marriage planned for me in the future then I praise him! If God doesn’t have marriage in his plan for me then I will praise him! I can’t help but hope though. It has been one of my dreams to marry. I know God cares about our dreams even if they are not in synch with his will he still cares about our feelings. And I can’t say that marriage is not in his will for me. Can’t say it is either.
Right now though, I have a need time aside from church meetings and functions with my brothers and sisters.
Ugh 😩 I feel so defective. There are so many things wrong with me. Yet there are many gifts 🎁 God has given me. Skills in certain areas. It’s just so hard to deal with all the inadequacies in me. My short temper 😡 My impatience. My social anxiety. My lack of social skills.
I know I’m not supposed to compare myself to others but it’s hard not to. I realize that the people I see functioning on a much higher level than me have their problems even if I can’t see them.
It’s just discouraging seeing so many people younger than me functioning at what appears to be a much higher level. It makes me embarrassed about how my own life is going.
With all that being said there are a lot of things that I have going for me. I just needed to vent a bit. Thank you everyone. Actually I tend to crave reassurance and that isn’t something I should be seeking. Knowing that this reassurance craving is something caused by my OCD.