My mom is toxic #Toxic #ToxicParenting #BPD #Angerissues #Childhoodtrauma #narcisstwithvictimcomplex #Depression
A few days ago I had a fight with my mom because she is rude, doesn’t want to understand my emotions and thoughts, and honestly she is toxic. The problem is, my bank account is overdrawn and right now I can’t do anything about it. I just started a new job and it’s exhausting. I tried to explain to her, I tried to say that I just can’t do an additional side job because of my mental illness.
She also insulted my girlfriend, talked to her like she was her child and yelled at her.
She almost made me explode, I was going to freak out and then my girlfriend showed me a text message that said I should calm down a little bit cause she makes me angry, and she’s right. She makes me angry every time I talk to her. Every time there’s something that she doesn’t like or hate about me. With every call my self esteem dies a little bit more, and the pain won’t stop, and then I’m crying because of the things she said. Every time. And now she ignores our fight, ignores her words and the terrible things she said about me. Honestly I don’t know why she does this. I mean, she should have learned from New Year’s Eve - I had a suicide attempt with my girlfriend. Since that three days at the hospital in the ICU and psych ward she says that she worries about me. Although we haven’t circled around another “attempt” since then at all. But being rude doesn’t help, it makes everything worse. Now she wants me to just get over it, to forget and “be(act?) happy and communicative” for her, so she doesn’t have to worry about me. Well, I don’t think she worries. I think she’s jealous of my girlfriend, I talk about everything with her, I can be myself. With my mother, everything seems unreal and I’m not really there like I see everything through clouds or something. Can anyone relate? I just have no clue how to deal with my mom, how to explain that I am ill and I’ll never going to be healthy. You can’t heal borderline personality disorder if you just “find a hobby that you love and care about” I mean wtf is wrong with you?! Like “you could start riding a horse again or working with animals, animals are pure therapy and joy”.
Does anyone knows how I can deal with her? I just don’t know what to do anymore. #NarcissisticAbuse