Toxic

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    When you thought that they appreciated you. But then you discover that they think very little of you. #Caregiving #PTSD #Toxic #MentalHealth

    I’ve come to discover what my siblings really think of me. And I have to honestly say that I’m trying hard to get over feeling the way that I feel. It’s like they are moving on and living their lives. While I’m stuck swimming in a pool of emotions. I took my mother into my care in 2020. Because she was living alone 8hrs away and was mixing her meds with alcohol. And when I traveled to check on her I was heartbroken. All of my 4 siblings saw the condition she was in and also her living environment. And we did a group call trying to figure out what to do next.

    No one really knew what to do. But they didn’t seem to be doing anything about it at all besides just talking about it. I’m an at home mom so I volunteered to let her move in with me. In hopes that they will agree to help out. Which they all said they will send money to help, they will let her stay with them during holidays. All of this type of stuff lol. It’s hilarious because none of them kept their words after my mom’s first year with me. They did what they said they would do one time. But no more after that.

    It’s saddening especially when these people are those that I have also helped. I’ve traveled long distances to support them, babysat their kids for weeks at a time. I’ve loaned money. And the thanks I get for all of the good I’ve done for each one of them. Is to overhear them talk about me behind my back and call me sorry. And to actually have a phone conversation with one who accused me of neglecting our mom when I went out on a date with my husband and didn’t include her. Hmm..

    I’ve been on a journey of trying to self heal from all of this because this all happened this month. And November is almost over. And I’m still not over it. I went on a vow silence for a weekend. And it was a super beautiful experience. But two days was not enough for me to completely reap the benefits of silence. I wanted to tap into my inner peace but couldn’t really do that. I would like for it to be a month long experience but with me being a mom and having to take kids to appointments and meet with teachers it seems impossible.

    I just need to figure out another way to heal from this realization that my siblings thinks horribly of me. Although, I have been there for them emotionally and financially. Please someone give me some advice. Because my next appointment with my therapist isn’t til after thanksgiving break. And this will be a stressful first holiday that I am absolutely heartbroken by my toxic family members. #sad #HSP #Highly Sensitive person aka hsp #Depression #Introvert #FamilyAndFriends #TheMighty

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    Removing Stress From My Life By Cutting off Toxic Family Members 🖤✂️ #Caregiving #Stress #Toxic #Depression #MentalHealth

    Sadly, last week was disastroustly stressful. My mom had an accident on my brand new carpet that I had to clean up then that weekend I got yelled at by my bitter eldest sister. I was so baffled and confused.

    My entire heart felt like it was becoming detach so that it can begin to fall into a never ending void.

    I was so taken aback because I was unsure as to why she verbally attacked me. Especially when she knew of the week I had caring for our mom.

    Now, to give a bit of insight on our relationship. My sister is one of those people who has a super short temper. And it’s like walking on eggshells when you enter a conversation with her. I always have to make sure that I am mentally prepared for whatever she decides to sprew before answering any of her calls.

    I am writing this on The Mighty so that I can get it out of my heart and move on to the healing phase. Because this happened last Sunday and I’ve been tossing and turning, losing sleep over it every since.

    Because when you have sacrificed so much for a person and not receive the same efforts in return it becomes torture to one’s mental health. I am thinking though when I look back that maybe she was only pretending to be nice to me so that she can use me.

    I have traveled 9hrs to be there for her when she was sick. I loaned her money on several different occasions whenever she asked and she has never paid back what she owed. Also just a little FYI me loaning money to her has always put my family in a financial bind but we always just try and use local resources that we have within our community.

    However, I think that when I finally told her that I couldn’t loan her anymore money that was when she decided to be disrespectful. I told her that my husband and I went out for tacos and she screamed in my ear asking why I didn’t bring our mom along.

    I am a caregiver for my mom but this was a night out for my husband and I. And on another note. No one else has offered to help care for our mom. I’ve had her for two years and whenever I call to let them know that I need help I get no response. Plus what business was it for her to even question me about our mom when she don’t even pick up the phone to call and check on her. She has never offered to let her stay with her for a holiday to give me a break.

    Every since the ordeal with her I have been having a headache and my hair seems to be shedding because of the stress. So I am going to leave this here on the mighty and take a break from social media to focus on clearing my mind, removing toxic people from my life, and to make a promise to myself to never allow a toxic family member back into my life (this isn’t my first rodeo with her). I tried to cut ties with her before but she called apologizing once before and like I stated before I believe she only did that to have access to my kindness. Only to take advantage of me.

    I close this in hopes to move on, reduce stress, and to get back to happiness. Because my taco night with my husband was pure happiness until my toxic sister called to ruin it all for me.

    #overthinking #PTSD #DysfunctionalFamily

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    Been put on bed rest .... #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare

    So after a good few days with new excruciating pain in my side and back I went to hospital lastnight ,I have a severe kidney infection ,and dehydration after getting fluids etc I managed to talk them in to allowing me hone to rest as its the little ones birthday tomorrow, I have enough going on and I'm back I next week for few more skin cancer biopsies. So have even given antibiotics, hydration sachets , and more painkillers.if it doesn't improve in 48 hours I have to go back in .So I am on strict bed rest and to be honest I can barely move I'm doubled over In pain so couldn't do anything even if I wanted to.

    Feel so fed up ad it's just constant health issues ,my body is already weak and not strong enough to fight this infection which is why its worse.

    Just feel very overwhelmed with the things I already struggle with and now this.

    I am physically and mentally drained .

    #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Toxic #Abuse #youmatter #beyou #loveyourself #Bekind #Insomnia #SkinCancer #narcissist #AloneTogether #Endometriosis #Upallnight #CheckInWithMe #GeneralParenting #Parenting #PTSD

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    How do you write to an abusive parent?

    There are things I want to say but don't know how. I am not planning on sending it, just writing for myself.

    #PTSD #Abuse #AbuseSurvivors #SexualAbuseSurvivors #Toxic

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    Tonight's feelings .... #MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe #Selfcare #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD

    Really feeling it tonight , past week or so been dealing with a kidney infection which is absolutely draining me with the pain in my back and side even walking I'm struggling, really bad flu symptoms and all on top of my usual crappy most day symptoms I deal with !I just feel like past 6 weeks have been so hectic and now that it's slowed down and settled my body is just drained.i feel really really down and struggling because I'm just so fed up of the constant pain ,sickness, depression,anxiety attacks,insomnia mostly every night and nightmares or flashbacks when i do manage to fall asleep.im trying so hard to make this house a home for the kids and make it a positive space ,and make new memories, trying to keep ontop of daily house stuff,or making things in the house to keep me focused but I'm just struggling! Just feeling far too overwhelmed with it all right now....hopefully tomorrow is a better day 😊
    #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Toxic #Abuse #youmatter #beyou #loveyourself #Bekind #Insomnia #SkinCancer #Endometriosis #COVID19 #longcovid #CheckInWithMe

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    It's going to be a LONG day ..... #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #CheckInWithMe

    Not really slept the past few nights with little ones having nightmares, and then myself having sleep paralysis or the most vivid dreams when I have fell asleep .Having a sleepover party for my daughter and her friends tonight it's 2.30 am and they're coming at 1pm and I have so much to get done today before they come .I've been in bed since about 10pm and yet still can't manage to fall asleep.
    I took my tablets and thought they'd help tonight to get me some rest and a few hours with less pain and hopefully manage to get a sleep as today and tonight is going to be so busy and constant and after everything especially just last month I wanted to make it extra special for Harpers Birthday and have a great day and night and not end up crabbit or moody because I'm overtired and sore.I am wide awake,in pain ,anxiety really bad and thinking about stuff that I really have no need to be stressing over.(can't do anything about any of the things)

    I even built up new bunkbeds I'd got for their room as they're sharing now because we're in the temporary accommodation and it gives them more space in their room,so I thought I would definitely get a sleep after that .....

    I just wish my head would just stop or atleast slow down enough to get some rest ........

    Going to be up probably all night then need to sort the party and everything for later then have the girls all staying for sleepover .definitely going to have to stock up on energy cans for today !!!!

    #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Toxic #Abuse #youmatter #beyou #loveyourself #Bekind #Insomnia #SkinCancer #Endometriosis #COVID19 #longcovid #CheckInWithMe #Parenting #GeneralParenting

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    Now I‘m alone

    Now I'm sitting here with only my best friend; she's the only one I have left. My mother doesn't text me anymore because I told her that it can't go on like this - I'm dying in the relationship. And now it hurts. It hurts to see mother and daughters somewhere who are happy, and to see parents who are good to children and love them. It hurts. I'd like to write to her, but what's the point? #Toxicmom #Toxic #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #Disappointed

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    Things just go from bad to worse! #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD

    Just when I thought things couldn't get worse ! After over a year of issues with the neighbour and constant trouble (not involving me in specific )but obviously it does as its been constant and trouble and police incidents, her car was blown up and set on fire other night and we had to be evacuated out the house in the middle of the night.kids are absolutely terrified as am I. Doc has prescribed me stronger tablets to help with sleeping and able to relax due to how bad I am right now.We can't live at our home anymore now due to it and the kids go back to school in 2 days.Weve been put in a b&b (which is horrendous)justnow and no where near our home, I currently have a small sofa in the room infront of the door so I can feel safe with the kids due to the type of place this is.But I am grateful to have somewhere.this is until can get a temporary accommodation.I thought my depression qnd anxiety was bad before this but this is on a whole new level,attacks,nightmares, flashbacks,constantly anxious .I feel like I'm such a failure for the fact my kids are having to go through this.i just feel absolutely numb now and don't think I can take anything else.

    #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Toxic #Abuse #youmatter #beyou #loveyourself #Bekind #Insomnia #SkinCancer #narcissist #AloneTogether #Endometriosis #Upallnight #CheckInWithMe #COVID19 #longcovid

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    That would be perfect.... #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #PTSD

    I would love to have a buttoned for this right now, there are few too many people,memories and and alot of feelings I wish I could erase and never had to endured

    #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Toxic #Abuse #youmatter #beyou #loveyourself #Bekind #Insomnia #Upallnight #Parenting #GeneralParenting #Insomnia

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    Your parent's relationship with each other can affect your mental health

    Today's podcast guest, speaks with me about how living in a chaotic, dysfunctional household impacted her mental health and how she began to heal in her adult years.

    Listen to today's episode to hear about Erika's journey with her physical and mental health and her relationship with her parents. I'm sure a lot of people will relate to this.

    accordingtodes.com/94-2

    #dysfunctional #dysfunctionalhousehold #ToxicMarriage #Toxic #ChildhoodAbuse #podcastepisode