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    He said, she said #Drama #anger #Toxic #Trauma

    Im fine! It's fine! What do you do when you're no longer fine? For years I have kept quiet while letting the father of my kids disrespect me to the fullest. All the name calling an belittling me in front of our kids and me not having the courage to speak up for myself. I hit my boiling point these past few weeks. Every ounce of my being has been consumed with this raging anger I can't control. Panic kicks in an it's hard to bring myself back down. I can feel it in my face, I start trembling from the inside out. My heart knows I need to let go, but my mind is hurt, and wants you to hurt the way you've made me hurt.

    2 reactions

    I have been no contact with my biological family. Yesterday was my birthday and all of them called and of course, dumped all their problems onto me. there is shame in giving up or should I hold up for hope. #Toxic

    1 comment
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    Feeling a million things yet I feel as though I'm numb ....... #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #longcovid #CheckInWithMe #Cancer

    I'm not even sure if that makes sense, I'm not really sure of anything right now!today I was told that my urgent referral to get the swollen lump lymph node in my neck may take upto 6 weeks !ive had it since Sept last uear and was palmed off numeroustimes till last week my specialistsaid she was very concerned(and that is being classed as urgent)Due to my previous cancer and treatment before Covid hit and now to the way this is being handled and considering I had Covid and was hospitalised for nearly 6 weeks and since have been suffering Long covid issues I know how serious it is.But I felt so angry that I'm already dealing with all my usual issues,then this catheter in,still retaining, slipped disc so on crutches to get about and everyday and night I am worried sick about if this lump is serious !and now thinking I may have to feel like this for however many weeks/months and then even if it is serious the care at the moment chemo/treatments most people are having to wait months to get anything started due to the way it's all been since covid.I am angry at my body for failing me in the first place ,for getting to this ,I'm angry at having to feel like I'm begging someone to help or listen ,I feel like I've prepared for the worst now anyways and what hope is there to have !I know hospitals and staff have and do do their best and I'm not saying anything against that I'm just frustrated that myself and millions of others and people way worse off than me are suffering even more even when it's serious or terminal. I'm scared ,I'm angry ,I'm frustrated and then I just feel numb because right now I'm here and I'm a Mummy I have to just be as ok as I can which is difficult enough at the minute ........

    #MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe #Insomnia #Upallnight #SkinCancer #Cancer #Anxiety #longcovid #loveyourself #Bekind #Selfcare #Toxic #Abuse #youmatter #beyou #CheckInWithMe

    10 reactions 1 comment
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    Another sleepless night..... #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Toxic #PTSD

    So it looks like another night of non stop ovethinking ,lying in bed trying not to think about all the things I can't seem to stop thinking about !!

    Really wish I could just shut off certain thoughts, memories, things coming into my head .

    #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #longcovid #loveyourself #Bekind #Insomnia #Upallnight #SkinCancer #Endometriosis #COVID19 #longcovid #PTSD #AloneTogether #Parenting #GeneralParenting #IfYouFeelHopeless

    29 reactions 10 comments

    Do you regret cutting off contact with your family? #narcissist #familyissues #BPD #bps

    Hey there, I‘m 24 years old and I’m diagnosed with bpd.
    So here’s the thing, when I lived at my moms house with her husband and my brother, it was the worst time after moving out of my dads house (yeah, relationships with my parents are kinda my thing).

    I didn’t have the chance to express my feelings, I always had to explain myself and didn’t feel safe at all. She didn’t respect boundaries or asked why I react the way I do.

    There was a time where I was addicted to alcohol (I’m sober for two years and will never go back) and drank two bottles of alcohol on a regular wednesday. All I remember is me crying and sobbing about my life and everything, but no one heard it. I stayed in my room until I had to vomit and needed my mother to help me (cause I wasn’t able to do that).
    But instead of asking me what’s wrong or why I’m drinking, she just yelled at me.

    Her father was an alcoholic, but that doesn’t mean I’m one too, right? A few months later my car almost broke and I decided that it was time to get a new car. So I made an appointment and took my girlfriend and my girlfriends mother with me.
    Finally I had the guts to decide that I want this car at all cost.

    And I worried and worried I’m till I felt sick. Yeah well, I told them and what could I say? They reacted the way I expected them to react.
    Lots of yelling, telling me I could leave and that kind of shit. „How could you do this without asking us?!“
    And I realized that I will never be happy or be myself around them.

    It was the first time I did something on my own, and now I’m living in my own apartment and I’m SO GLAD.

    After I moved in I continued talking to them.
    But the criticism got too much for me, in her eyes I did and do everything wrong.

    I already feel like a failure sometimes and I think it’s because of her treatment.
    I’m also fairly convinced that she is a narcissist.

    My brother still lives at her place, don’t know how he can handle it but I don’t care. She doesn’t treat him the way she does me. I’ve always been held to a different standard.

    I have to live with the damage that my parents did to me and honestly it’s not easy, but then, no mental illness is easy.

    So, do you regret cutting off contact?
    #BPD #nocontact #Toxic #narcissist

    15 reactions 9 comments


    Never in my wildest dreams did I think my ex was going to be a crazy ex. He threatened my family and my favorite person in the world. I have never been so hurt by someone. He told me I'm not enough, I am just a stupid little girl (He knows not using my pronouns messes with me because he knows better), he threatened to hurt me, and he cussed me out badly. He said he was going to put a bullet through my favorite person (and many other similar remarks). The cops were called and I am going to talk to the administration at Uni tomorrow. I feel like such a loser. I believed my ex when he said I will never hurt you or threaten you. How could I be so blind? I will never find love I guess.

    #Toxic #Depression #Ex #lies

    29 reactions 6 comments


    You ever find yourself trying to be fulfilled by another person? Well this journey I’m in sucks lol. I see the red flags and ignore them so I won’t be alone. Mental health is hard and being cuddled feels great. I felt as if I had someone my diagnoses can be ignored. It does take away that void but when that person is no longer In my life, my mental illness sneaks right back in and shows me that I’m meant to be alone in the first place. Why do i put myself in these positions lol….
    #lonely #Love #Toxic #sad #Romance #BipolarDepression

    8 reactions 5 comments
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    6 weeks later ...... #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #CheckInWithMe #Insomnia #Upallnight #SkinCancer

    Well after a crazy ,hectic ,non stop 6 weeks of very long days ,all the decorating ,all the packing and moving things tonight I emptied the last of the boxes .This house now is starting to feel like our home :) .
    Organising everything and even just hanging shelves or photos and adding all our little things has made me so excited .It's been a lot of tears and it's not completely done but I'm actually so proud of myself and what I've managed to do myself in 6 weeks considering the mess it was in when I got it.ive done things I never thought I'd be able to , and it feels so amazing now seeing it all come together ,seeing how Happy the kids are and how much them and our little Coco are settling into it.Really does make all the stress and hard work worth it to see them all so happy :) due to my health and pain being so bad too just decorating things,making things or organising stuff has really been helping with my anxiety aswell and I'm actually enjoying it.ive had so many and fay's lately but tonight unpacking that last box felt like such a relief and such an achievement of the fact I've done it all myself while being in pain and struggling and also making sure kids are settling in .
    Going to bed feeling very satisfied and blessed tonight which is a really nice feeling compared to way I have been feeling alot lately.

    #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Toxic #Abuse #youmatter #beyou #loveyourself #Bekind #Insomnia #SkinCancer #narcissist #AloneTogether #Endometriosis #COVID19 #longcovid #Parenting #GeneralParenting #longcovid #CheckInWithMe #Bekind #Blessed #grateful

    18 reactions 5 comments