Hey there, I‘m 24 years old and I’m diagnosed with bpd.
So here’s the thing, when I lived at my moms house with her husband and my brother, it was the worst time after moving out of my dads house (yeah, relationships with my parents are kinda my thing).
I didn’t have the chance to express my feelings, I always had to explain myself and didn’t feel safe at all. She didn’t respect boundaries or asked why I react the way I do.
There was a time where I was addicted to alcohol (I’m sober for two years and will never go back) and drank two bottles of alcohol on a regular wednesday. All I remember is me crying and sobbing about my life and everything, but no one heard it. I stayed in my room until I had to vomit and needed my mother to help me (cause I wasn’t able to do that).
But instead of asking me what’s wrong or why I’m drinking, she just yelled at me.
Her father was an alcoholic, but that doesn’t mean I’m one too, right? A few months later my car almost broke and I decided that it was time to get a new car. So I made an appointment and took my girlfriend and my girlfriends mother with me.
Finally I had the guts to decide that I want this car at all cost.
And I worried and worried I’m till I felt sick. Yeah well, I told them and what could I say? They reacted the way I expected them to react.
Lots of yelling, telling me I could leave and that kind of shit. „How could you do this without asking us?!“
And I realized that I will never be happy or be myself around them.
It was the first time I did something on my own, and now I’m living in my own apartment and I’m SO GLAD.
After I moved in I continued talking to them.
But the criticism got too much for me, in her eyes I did and do everything wrong.
I already feel like a failure sometimes and I think it’s because of her treatment.
I’m also fairly convinced that she is a narcissist.
My brother still lives at her place, don’t know how he can handle it but I don’t care. She doesn’t treat him the way she does me. I’ve always been held to a different standard.
I have to live with the damage that my parents did to me and honestly it’s not easy, but then, no mental illness is easy.
So, do you regret cutting off contact?
#BPD #nocontact #Toxic #narcissist