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    Never in my wildest dreams did I think my ex was going to be a crazy ex. He threatened my family and my favorite person in the world. I have never been so hurt by someone. He told me I'm not enough, I am just a stupid little girl (He knows not using my pronouns messes with me because he knows better), he threatened to hurt me, and he cussed me out badly. He said he was going to put a bullet through my favorite person (and many other similar remarks). The cops were called and I am going to talk to the administration at Uni tomorrow. I feel like such a loser. I believed my ex when he said I will never hurt you or threaten you. How could I be so blind? I will never find love I guess.

    #Toxic #Depression #Ex #lies

    29 reactions 6 comments


    You ever find yourself trying to be fulfilled by another person? Well this journey I’m in sucks lol. I see the red flags and ignore them so I won’t be alone. Mental health is hard and being cuddled feels great. I felt as if I had someone my diagnoses can be ignored. It does take away that void but when that person is no longer In my life, my mental illness sneaks right back in and shows me that I’m meant to be alone in the first place. Why do i put myself in these positions lol….
    #lonely #Love #Toxic #sad #Romance #BipolarDepression

    8 reactions 5 comments
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    6 weeks later ...... #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #CheckInWithMe #Insomnia #Upallnight #SkinCancer

    Well after a crazy ,hectic ,non stop 6 weeks of very long days ,all the decorating ,all the packing and moving things tonight I emptied the last of the boxes .This house now is starting to feel like our home :) .
    Organising everything and even just hanging shelves or photos and adding all our little things has made me so excited .It's been a lot of tears and it's not completely done but I'm actually so proud of myself and what I've managed to do myself in 6 weeks considering the mess it was in when I got it.ive done things I never thought I'd be able to , and it feels so amazing now seeing it all come together ,seeing how Happy the kids are and how much them and our little Coco are settling into it.Really does make all the stress and hard work worth it to see them all so happy :) due to my health and pain being so bad too just decorating things,making things or organising stuff has really been helping with my anxiety aswell and I'm actually enjoying it.ive had so many and fay's lately but tonight unpacking that last box felt like such a relief and such an achievement of the fact I've done it all myself while being in pain and struggling and also making sure kids are settling in .
    Going to bed feeling very satisfied and blessed tonight which is a really nice feeling compared to way I have been feeling alot lately.

    #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Toxic #Abuse #youmatter #beyou #loveyourself #Bekind #Insomnia #SkinCancer #narcissist #AloneTogether #Endometriosis #COVID19 #longcovid #Parenting #GeneralParenting #longcovid #CheckInWithMe #Bekind #Blessed #grateful

    18 reactions 5 comments

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    Im having a hard time with knowing if what im about to say will upset a person. I dont realize that what i say will affect the other person negatively. When i think im joking with my wife she starts to cry and say that what i have said was hurtful. But to me its a joke. I dont want to be this person who is toxic. #Toxic


    Emotional Abuse, Abandonment and Finding Myself #AbuseSurvivors

    I become so wrapped up in the #SexualAbuse I endured that only recently have I begun to acknowledge the #EmotionalAbuse I also endured. It's not uncommon for two types of abuse to occur at once and I definitely experienced that. The manipulation, gaslighting (especially) and dismissal of my thoughts, feelings, needs and wants have left me with scars. #PTSD is no fun to live with but I thought I got it from being sexually assaulted not realizing that the emotional abuse had a hand in its development.

    As a result I suffer from low self esteem, over apologize, constantly wonder if people are mad at me, fear conflict and abandonment, doubt myself amongst other things. I often invalidate myself as well. I seek outward approval and validation and struggle with kindly to myself. I never realized that all these struggles were from the emotional abuse. I just always thought I was overly sensitive or something. I'll admit that I am also a people pleaser which is a trauma response. Either that or I freeze.

    I never realized that #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder can be caused by abandonment even though one of the criteria for the disorder is a fear of abandonment. I was abandoned (physically) by a family member after coming forward about the sexual abuse. I remember feeling so alone, unloved, unwanted and scared. Until I started reading about the effects of abandonment I never realized the effects being physically abandoned had on me.

    As I am learning more and more about emotional abuse, am naming it and am working to heal from it I can begin to move forward. Because I also experienced most of this abuse as a child, I suppose that's why I struggle as an adult. Now I am on a mission to find myself and heal myself.

    Healing is not linear but by shifting my focus to something else I can heal that part of me. My question for you all is, how do I start healing from emotional abuse and childhood trauma? I have a therapist but how do I go about doing it myself? I have tried looking inwards but that brings up hard feelings (shame, guilt, anger, sadness and confusion to name a few). I intellectually know that the shame and guilt aren't mine to carry but something about being invalidated and being abused in that way makes it hard to not feel that way.

    My hope for all of you is that if you are experiencing or did experience this type of abuse that you know it wasn't your fault. Someone chose to hurt you. I think my complexity comes in because it was family that abused me. As I posted earlier, the thoughts of the not so bad times gets in the way. The fact that the abuse wasn't occurring all the time makes it harder to heal. Just labeling it as abuse was hard.

    I hope that you can get the help that you deserve whether that be professionally or from someone you love. I believe in you, thanks for believing in me. As always seek help if you need to. We are here for each other.

    #PTSD #EmotionalAbuse #Toxic #Family #Childhoodtrauma #SexualAbuse #abandonment #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

    6 reactions 3 comments

    Hi everyone, happy new year y’all. I hope each one of you we’ll find happiness and strength in this year. And hopefully, it will be good for all of us.
    Sadly, it hadn’t started well for me.
    I want to leave my bf. I’ve been wanting that for a very long time. I feel caged, emotionally abused, belittled, manipulated, always makes me look like I’m a psycho for voicing what bothers me or for setting boundaries. Always turns things around to make me look bad.
    That’s what happened over the weekend.
    My cousins came with his wife for a visit, from Poland. So me and my sister drove to my moms house to greet them, and then, they were going to my sisters house, where I was invited with my bf as well.
    While we were there still at my moms house, my bf decided to visit few bars, along with my sisters husband. Her husband kept sending me pictures to piss me off. But I didn’t react. Then, we came to my sisters house, they were already there.
    They talked about how fun it was to be in the bar, that some lady gave my bf her number. I was already a bit tense. But I tried to put up a good face.
    It was late already, and I already talked with my bf through the messages that were not staying long, because I didn’t feel well that day. But he continued to drink, and whenever I asked him to leave, he mocked me. He played sweet and nice in front of my family, while ignoring my well being and me wanting to leave. He kept asking, why do I look at him like I’m angry, knowing well that I am and what’s the reason. I was already super mad, when he and my sisters husband started talking about my brother. And my bf said some really mean things about him. I cut off that conversation and went to smoke. I texted him that once he finishes his drink (it was almost done) we’re leaving, and he said okay. But when I came back, he already had another full drink in his hand, and laughed at me for being angry about it. I got so angry, I felt my chest tightened. I wanted to cry and he knew that, but he kept mocking me and everyone thought he’s funny and I’m being moody and mean.
    I couldn’t take it anymore, so I left without him. I asked if he’s leaving with me, but he said no. But he started messaging me to leave his car alone, that I can walk, that I don’t know how to behave, and that my family thinks so too, that I’m crazy, and he has had enough.
    I feel so beyond disgusted by his behavior. Especially, that it’s not the first time he ignores my well being. And manipulates me into thinking I’ve done something wrong. The way he twists things around to make me look bad. He acts like I’m the bad guy, while he was pushing it too far all night.
    I don’t want to be with him. I didn’t want to for a whole know, but I dragged.
    My options are very limited, because I don’t have a car and a place to live. Living with my sister isn’t an option because I’ve already tried. He husband was okay towards me, but behind my back it was obvious he was so bothered by that he started to make things up to turn my sister against me.
    I don’t have much money saved, and I don’t have a social. I don’t know where to start. But I’m mentally tired, and can’t take it anymore.
    Yesterday, he asked me if I have nothing to say about my behavior. Of course, my behavior, not his. When I said no, he said I made him look bad, I was telling at him, and that he’s tired of it, so I can start looking for a place to live or he’ll move out .
    I was so hurt that night, so angry, I cut myself. It was a distraction from the internal pain he caused me.
    Please, give me some rational advice and not anything out of my reach. Thank you! #Toxic #Selfharm #Depression #mentalabuse #PanicAttacks

    12 reactions 10 comments
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    Ending the year on a positive..... #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #CheckInWithMe

    I'm feeling so content right now , and very positive ☺. To be ending this year decorating our new home and getting it all sorted for us to move in and get settled just feels amazing ♥️Afte rather past 6 months which had been hell & at times I thought things were never going to get better to now be able to get the keys to our very own forever home ,decorate it and get it all sorted for us to move into in a few weeks 😀 getting our little Coco and helping her get better, for the first time in a very long time I am feeling excited and happy .I'm actually enjoying all the decorating even though its alot of hard work myself but it's an amazing feeling seeing it all come together and being able to be excited and look forward now 😊 hopefully this will be the start of an amazing year and things will continue to go good ( even though I'm still really struggling health wise ,but I'm actually dealing with it all alot better now even on the bad days )

    Hope you all had a lovely Christmas and a Happy New Year to all you Mighties 😊 😘 ❤

    #MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe #Insomnia #Upallnight #SkinCancer #Endometriosis #COVID19 #longcovid #loveyourself #GeneralParenting #Parenting #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Toxic #Abuse #youmatter #beyou #AloneTogether #PTSD

    14 reactions 3 comments

    How to cope with a turbulent home life?

    Any tips or your own experience/ struggles turbulent or non functional families where everyone fights miscommunication grudges insults etc resentment. Sometimes it gets better but typically it’s only good and then it gets worse. #dysfunctional #Family #Toxic #belittle #Abuse #Fights #Energy #Draining #lovethembutitshard

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    Feeling very frustrated and overwhelmed 😭 #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD #CheckInWithMe

    Well this week has eventually just gotten too much for me ,was meant to get the keys to our new house this week and 3 times half hour before due to collect its been cancelled, the house is needing fully painted and is a bit of a riot , I had been planning to start it all right away .Because we're moving to it from temporary accommodation I have to get everything for the house ,all furniture, flooring,paint,everything plus for myself and kids that we need as nothing is provided by the house no white goods,flooring nothing .
    I had arranged to get things that were being given away from free by a van and have now lost all them due to them cancelling me getting the keys today ,I ahd bene promising the kids they would se etheir new home each day as I was expecting tk get the keys and to get them excited for it too to only have to be told no again and feel like I'm disappointing them Iver and over again.Its now 3 days to Christmas she's said I will get them today but I am not holding my breath.I had been so excited and looking forward to getting it started and now I just feel completely deflated.The fact of everything that we've bene through past 6 months ,having to be in temporary accommodation and the kids constantly asking how long we're here,feeling frustrated because it's not our home and can't be settled to then for the past 7 weeks be told we're actually getting our own house and going to bed every night this week thinking that tomorrow will be the day we get the keys and can finally have a fresh start to then keep being let down has just gotten too much and ruined all the excitement I had with it .I am praying I get them later today (it's 1am here)
    But I have lost all hope that I will which then means it will be another 2 weeks before I would due to the holidays and everything being closed .

    #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Toxic #Abuse #youmatter #beyou #loveyourself #Bekind #Insomnia #SkinCancer #narcissist #AloneTogether #Endometriosis #Upallnight #CheckInWithMe #COVID19 #longcovid #Parenting #GeneralParenting

    18 reactions 4 comments