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"Why are you telling me?"

I find myself in a strange place in my life.

I've been an out bisexual for a few decades. After a high school career of closeting and hearing my identity used as a slur, I stopped caring and just decided to be me. If people couldn't handle it, then they weren't really my people.

About 6 months ago I came out as bigender. It was precipitated by some very difficult mental health problems that, ultimately, ended my marriage and have left me in a very liminal space at the moment. I'm living with my parents, back in Ontario where I grew up, and reconnecting with old friends back home.

Except I am, 100%, not the Tom who left 11 years ago. Not just internally, but externally, too. I dress in a much more femme way at the moment, and it definitely has drawn some double-takes from people I pass on the street here. If I'm to be honest, I take a sinister little delight in it.

But, from a few people now, I've had a strange response. They say something in the variation of "I'm cool with all of that, I just have trouble with....[insert feminine idea here]." It could be the make-up. It could be skirts. It could be carrying a purse. And I don't think this is intended as a denigration at all. These are people who love me. But I'm not quite sure why they are telling me these things. Like, telling me about the things about my transition that make them uncomfortable. So I keep wanting to ask them "Why are you telling me this?"

Has this happened to anyone else?

#Transitioning #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ADHD #PTSD

30 reactions 9 comments

Legally changing my name (again)

Hey there, I’m Alex. I changed my name legally in 2015 to Alexander. But I go by Alex. Have been going by the name Alex for at least 10 years. When I changed my name to Alexander I thought it had to be formal, because my parents names are formal. I’ve been seriously thinking about legally changing it to just Alex. I hate being called Alexander. It’s just not me. I hate being called that. I regret changing it to Alexander. . It was stupid to change it. I never even went by Alexander at all!! Dumb!! 😅 i DONT regret changing my name in GENERAL- just the name I chose. so yeah, I guess just lookin for support? I’m an adult-24. Kinda worried about bringing it up to my parents? #Ftm #trans #Transgender #LGBTQIA #Name change #Transitioning


I suspect my young adult is on the "spectrum" although she showed no signs as a child. #social anxiety #Autism #Selfesteem #Transitioning

My daughter is Transgender and I need some advice from both other YA and parents who have experience with helping a loved one with social anxiety and autism. #transgenderyoungadults # parentalsupport



I’m closeted transgender, and although I don’t plan on coming out just yet, I think I can start my transition. Nobody in my life knows me as my real name yet, but I hope to tell them about it when a bunch of us get together on thanksgiving. I’m just posting about this for moral support and so I’m less likely to back out at the last minute (again). I’ll also take any advice that you’re willing to give, but I don’t anticipate a lot of pushback on the name change thing, so I should be fine either way.