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How to help someone with low self esteem
Hi all,
It's been quite a while. I'm back because my girlfriend is dealing with some pretty major low self esteem and I feel powerless to help her having never dealt with it myself to a significant degree except within the context of a bout of severe depression when I was 18. We have a lot of things in common with our brains: OCD, anxiety, probably autism, and generally being weird smart nerds. But my environment growing up was a lot more supportive than hers. I grew up in a progressive west coast city with a queer friendly community and friends and family who were also weird and felt that it was a good thing to think for ourselves and not be "normal." She grew up in a Texas suburb in a conservative Catholic community that socially punished any kind of nonconformity or inability to instantly understand and follow unspoken social rules and has only had maybe two real friends, not including me, since being a preteen. She has such a low opinion of her ability to make friends and feels like everyone thinks she's weird in a bad way. She assumes that all social interactions are going to go terribly which leads her to not interact with anyone thus worsening the anxiety. I understand why she feels like this given her past experiences, but I just feel like she can't be so much different from me that a modest but fulfilling social life such as mine is impossible for her. She's seeing a therapist mostly for the OCD but also the self esteem, but I just don't know how to help. I do everything I can to tell her how wonderful she is, naming specific things I love about her and reasons that she is great outside of any personal relationships. But at the end of the day I don't have much personal experience with feeling that way and so I have no tips to give her like I can with OCD, the treatment of which I am now somewhat of a veteran. Any suggestions from those who have dealt with such things for what might help? And advice to give someone struggling like this? Especially if you've successfully been able to manage these feelings and gain self confidence and self love/appreciation. I suppose I should also add that we are currently long-distance and she visits me every 1-2 months (she has a more flexible schedule and makes a lot more money, and I have the more independent living situation whereas she still lives with her somewhat homophobic parents). So as much as I'd like to hug her every day and whisper a litany of her wonderful qualities in her ear, I sadly cannot.
#Selfesteem #lowselfesteem #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Autism #Relationships #Advice #Support
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