trumaSurvivor

I tent to feel ripped, like I’m about to be broken in million of pieces and I’m afraid that I will never be able tu put them alltogether. It’s a disconcerting feeling, It might be one of my biggest fears so I try to avoid pain or conflicts because it’s when the rupture begins. It’s like every day you are trying really hard to not succumb, to not lose your shit because if you do there’s chance you won’t comeback from that last crisis. It feels like living in the border of two countries and neither of them feels like home, neither of them gives you peace; it’s a constant doubt of where the hell you are because you get lost constantly. It’s funny how you try tu run away from everything that hurts you, but it hurts you to scape, cuz is a exhausting feeling that always leeds you to the same place, to your pain. So unresolved pain may be the reason why we live from the border, sometimes it hurts so much that I don’t longer feel human I don’t longer feel like I exist. But maybe you don’t have to arm the puzzle of your existence with the broken pieces, maybe they have to be broken to get new pieces so beeing on the border can also be the start of something new.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Pain #mentalhealthpatient #mythoughts #trumaSurvivor