mythoughts

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Mass Confusion

I sit here slowly going out of my mind! These walls are closing in on me! I can’t breath! I see no reason to live anymore! I have no one to really love me! I have nothing! Living isn’t fun anymore! It is so hard to smile and it is impossible to be happy! The world is so poisoned!! The stars no longer shine in your eyes! The moon has blackened your spirit! The sun has scorched your soul! The wind blows you in all directions! The love you once had in your heart has now turned into hatred! The memories you once had has faded to almost nothing!! Everything about your life means absolutely nothing to anyone else!! You try to cope day by day, but it is getting harder and harder to do! Why? Because we are in a world of MASS CONFUSION!! #Itiswhatitis #mythoughts #myworry #GodBlessYOU #butterflywings

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Living from the border

I tent to feel ripped, like I’m about to be broken in million of pieces and I’m afraid that I will never be able tu put them alltogether. It’s a disconcerting feeling, It might be one of my biggest fears so I try to avoid pain or conflicts because it’s when the rupture begins. It’s like every day you are trying really hard to not succumb, to not lose your shit because if you do there’s chance you won’t comeback from that last crisis. It feels like living in the border of two countries and neither of them feels like home, neither of them gives you peace; it’s a constant doubt of where the hell you are because you get lost constantly. It’s funny how you try tu run away from everything that hurts you, but it hurts you to scape, cuz is a exhausting feeling that always leeds you to the same place, to your pain. So unresolved pain may be the reason why we live from the border, sometimes it hurts so much that I don’t longer feel human I don’t longer feel like I exist. But maybe you don’t have to arm the puzzle of your existence with the broken pieces, maybe they have to be broken to get new pieces so beeing on the border can also be the start of something new.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Pain #mentalhealthpatient #mythoughts #trumaSurvivor

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🌩

most days just feel like a daze, like time is just passing by. I haven’t seen outside in 2 days and been sleeping around the house not wanting to be bothered by anyone. when I try to express my thoughts I feel like no one is listening. #mythoughts

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Just a poem I wrote

Does love truly exist

You thought you had me
This is true
At one point it was me and you
But now shit
It’s just me versus you
I never knew what pain you caused
Till I sat there crying in my car

I realize something
You were a fake
A liar a thief
But yet I still loved you
But your love was full of shame
If I could go back in time
And stop ever meeting you I would
You fucked up
Made me see who I truly am
You put me on blast for what
The shit you were already doing
Damn hurt huh

Now I’ll sit here high in my castle
Not giving a fuck about you
For what I thought we had was worth it
Turns out you had different intentions
All the false pregnancy scares
All the late nights fighting it out
But shit you gave me life
And for that I’m great full
My daughter means more to me then you ever did
But yet you hold her over my head
About how I’m such a horrible parent
How I cannot be trusted with our daughter
Who raised her everyday for 3 years
But yet you can’t trust me

But oh he’s the one for you
Good glad happy for you
But to you I say deuces
You have no life
You feed on misery
I hope that mother fucker knows
He will see your true colors
And fly away
By then I’ll be gone away

#mythoughts #whendoesitstop #Depression

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Everything Makes Me Upset #Depression #Anxiety

I often feel like I'm always being needy with attention. It's not like I didn't get any attention when I was a child, maybe I just got used to it and it makes me sad whenever I am being ignored. Every single thing upsets me and I think this is because of my depression and anxiety.

It makes me upset when I see my best friend online but is not calling me on FaceTime.

It makes me upset when a person who I often talk to suddenly tells me to go out of the house and have fun. It feels like he/she is pushing me away and is tired of me.

It makes me upset whenever I get a late response to people with whom I immediately respond once they send me a message.

It makes me upset when people make fun of my depression and anxiety. That I won't be able to handle things because I get anxious with every little thing around me.

It makes me upset when people joke about suicide or when they joke about me to just kill myself.

It makes me upset that it's so hard to explain everything to everyone, including my shrink.

It makes me upset that the people who did me wrong are still living and are all okay mentally. When here I am, suffering from every single memory that I have.

It makes me upset that I am very forgetful and that there are a lot of things that I can't remember, yet I can remember every single bad thing that had happened to me.

It makes me upset when a relative or a family member talk about mental illness, how in their generation, everyone was happy and well. That mental illness is a made up thing by shrinks to earn money and for pharmaceuticals to earn. That shrinks only prescribe medications just so people who are suffering from will be relying on these meds.

It makes me upset that I am often sad and upset. That I am still alive when I was told that I don't even have a future.

It makes me upset that I feel like crying while typing this. That I can't still control my emotions 100%. #Overthink #overthinking #mythoughts

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#mythoughts


I think sometimes I over think way to much which makes it hard to not have fun or even go out, I’m always scared something is gonna happen or go wrong.

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Sleep, why doest thou hate me so? By the light of day, my mind allows a peaceful, dreamless sleep. But by the time of dark and slumber, my psyche buzzes, sings, and wonders if penguins have knees. **sigh**

#alwaysbassackwards #sleepgames #notevenwithrx #MySymptoms #mythoughts

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