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Recently I spend time in a mental health hospital and now in an outpatient. This entire situation has opened my eyes to how awful the situation at work was. I’ve realized that working full time on second shift was messing up a lot more than just my sleep schedule, but my meds as well as other things.

I’ve decided that once my outpatient is over I’ll ask to be moved back to partime. However my mom keeps dropping rude comments about going back to full time. I have two partime jobs that equals what I would have in a full time position. I just have to find my own insurance.

I’m afraid to talk to my mom about all this. But I know waiting is only making me more anxious. Any advice?

#CheckInWithMe #upsetwithmyself #DepressionAndMentalHealth #Depression #MentalHealth #mentalhealthpatient

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Living from the border

I tent to feel ripped, like I’m about to be broken in million of pieces and I’m afraid that I will never be able tu put them alltogether. It’s a disconcerting feeling, It might be one of my biggest fears so I try to avoid pain or conflicts because it’s when the rupture begins. It’s like every day you are trying really hard to not succumb, to not lose your shit because if you do there’s chance you won’t comeback from that last crisis. It feels like living in the border of two countries and neither of them feels like home, neither of them gives you peace; it’s a constant doubt of where the hell you are because you get lost constantly. It’s funny how you try tu run away from everything that hurts you, but it hurts you to scape, cuz is a exhausting feeling that always leeds you to the same place, to your pain. So unresolved pain may be the reason why we live from the border, sometimes it hurts so much that I don’t longer feel human I don’t longer feel like I exist. But maybe you don’t have to arm the puzzle of your existence with the broken pieces, maybe they have to be broken to get new pieces so beeing on the border can also be the start of something new.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Pain #mentalhealthpatient #mythoughts #trumaSurvivor


A #mentalhealthpatient treated like dirt?

Does anybody have faith in me? A lawyer after a lawyer has dropped our case because "it's too difficult." You see, in Poland, we have two kinds of "lawyers", "solicitors" (cheaper) and "real" "attorneys" (much more expensive, but tend to know more about...than the debts. We wouldn't have had debts if the advice given by the Polish Social Services back in 2009, when I was still young and had a glimmer of hope, hadn't been wrong (and I'm learning about it all now!!!). And the government is surprised that every third suicide in Poland is money-related. (Don't worry, I'm not in the mood for harming myself. Harming the system -- now, that's another story).
How can an #agoraphobic with #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder cope with all of this? I don't even have time for my treatment because I'm supposed to find that decent attorney, and, if it weren't enough, read up on the Polish Bank Law (I'm not a lawyer!!!).

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