Tweens

#Antidepressants
#Depression #Tweens
#Parenting

Someone once told me, “he looks so happy and healthy! He’s gotten so big and mature looking!” If this were about my other children, I would have thought nothing of it, but it was about my oldest. My child that suffers from anxiety and depression that is so debilitating he can’t get through his daily tasks.

What I wanted to say is, “yes, he’s grown in size but also in his poor self-image. He’s not happy; he will tell you it’s a mask he wears for others. He’s not healthy; he’s sick. He’s really sick, and it’s a sick that isn’t fixed easily or quickly. He isn’t mature; he’s regressed and can’t do things alone that he used to.”

What’s to blame for this? The triple threat - anxiety, depression, and panic. It’s a fifteen headed dragon that has stolen my son. It’s a quiet illness that no one sees and few feel comfortable talking about. If he had cancer or diabetes, I’d post on social media and people would offer support. This - this is different. I can’t post it on social media because people will see him, or us, as weak and push overs. People would be afraid to talk about “it.”

What is IT? Do we fear mental illness because we don’t understand it? I find that hard to believe given how many people suffer from it - often suffering in silence.

What is it going to take for us to wake up and start fixing this problem? I can tell you the things that woke me up.

1. "Mom, I’m a mistake.” As your child stares into your eyes and looks blankly at you. You offer reassurance; explain that they aren’t a mistake, and yet they continue to say this several times a day for weeks on end.

2."Mom, it would be easier if I didn’t exist.” This shatters your heart, and you are forced to face this reality. You ask if they plan to hurt themselves, or worse, have plans to kill themselves. These were thoughts and questions I never imagined having to face.

3. "Mom, will I ever get better?” The hardest part of this is realizing you don’t know. There isn’t a quick fix, or an easy answer. It’s a long,scary and dark road you are walking down. It’s likely one you’ve never walked before, nor planned to.

4. "Mom, why me?” If you answer this one honestly you’d say, “why us?” This monster has taken you from us,and we are all hurting. But, you steal yourself and say, because you are strong and courageous. I believe it chose you because you will make a difference for others, and I will help you.

5. "Mom, nothing is fun anymore.” This one hurts at my core. You are a kid. Your life is meant for fun, and this one isn’t fair. I hate when people say things aren’t fair, but a kid who can’t have fun is far from fair. When I see little glimmers of a smile or hear you laugh, it builds my hope and recharges me for this battle.

Now that I’m awake here’s my promise to my son and others suffering. I’m done staying quiet. It’s time