Unreliable

I had to have the day off today. I had pneumonia in November and I’m still in recovery from that, but over the weekend I became really unwell and knew it was a chest infection. I spent today at the doctors, sorting meds and generally being a mess. I cried in the doctors office, about missing work, about always being ill and mainly about the guilt. If I’m off work it has such a massive knock on effect for so many people and the guilt of that crushes me. I’m going back tomorrow (way before medical advice) because I know if I stay off longer I will not cope mentally. How do you cope with “the guilt” that accompanies chronic illness?
(next time I will try and post something more uplifting 😔)
#Guilt #ChronicIllness #Unreliable #lettingpeopledown

i've forgotten my lesson again this is the secound time in a few months that it has happened. the first time i stresed thinking that my teacher was going to repromand me i made a tin of cookies and apologysed to her she just brushed it off and said it was ok. but to me it wasnt ok i forgot a comitment i showed myself to be unreliable. but even after that i felt i had apologised and attempted to make amends and that it was ok. but this time i didnt even have a reason other then i forgot. i feel like garbage and ive been thinking how can i make it up to her making her wait around and never showing up and i feel i cant, because how many times can you say sorry and have it still mean im sorry. i now think that she believes im unreliable and that she has lost respect for me in the process or thinks that i dont respect her or her time because of it. after the first time ive been trying harder ive even been showing up early and i even set alarms on my phone half an hour earlier then i need them. i dont know what else i can do and im not sure how i can say that im sorry again every time it gets harder. she doesnt deserve to be treated like that i didnt do it on purpose but its still all my fault. i feel like even asking on here or looking for someone to respond, im just trying to make myself feel better or to get some one to tell me its alright or some other nonsense to pass the buck i dont know. #Seekingadvice #Anxiety #Responsibility

I’m planning to come tomorrow
Please don’t be angry if I don’t show up
Typing this is painful
Lying here is painful
Standing here is painful
I plan to suck it up and be there tomorrow
To shove my fist into the gaping maw called “guilt”
Please don’t assume I don’t care because you don’t see my face
I want to be there tomorrow
Sitting in the pews dancing in the aisles
Listening to tough love and constructive criticism
Basking in unconditional Love
Please don’t be mad if I don’t show up