I’m in my early 50s, severely low and in depression for many years. I’m married to a woman who has serious debilitating illness confining her to bed most of the time. I did my best to take care of her. I still love her and want to be with her come what may and however acutely stressful and emotionally taxing it is on me to see her totally incapacitated. However if this wasn’t bad enough now my wife wants to leave me for she finds me emotionally inadequate. I still love her and I’m ok to oblige her just so that she obtains some satisfaction. If being with me is so stressful, she is entitled to some comfort and satisfaction that her painful health condition denies her. We have no kids and I have no siblings either. I don’t have many friends and hardly any ties with my kins. I’m extremely lonely. Further career wise despite bringing in passion to my work and positively influencing people who came in my ambit, professionally I didn’t make it big. So much so given some financial security I still have, I gave up work just to limit the trauma I was subjected to both on personal and professional front. Given all these I was taking help of shrinks and was on medication. I carried on with my routines and continuing to take interest in hobbies of mine like reading, cinema and gardening. Most people wouldn’t even know the trauma I’m going through for years. I still communicate/d well with people ably and mostly civil. Even those who knew of my personal issues and the enormity of the mental crisis I was confronting would deal with me as if I were very normal and my life was nothing but usual and ordinary. They expected me to fill the role I was defined and identified with - well read, articulate, with a sense of humor. I used to take interest in all my friends life - inquiring about their work, their strengths, struggles while very very rarely would most of my friends take any interest in my work or personal life. Never or again extremely rarely have I ever received any vindication of my struggle, my contribution, achievement - I was never very bright in studies ( my childhood was always full of taunts for my weakness in maths and sciences. Neither was I street smart and was a sucker for many’s shenanigans) but slowly, steadily, I hardworked my way to evolve into a unique & singular pedagogue of humanities. But over last couple of months I dropped the medicines. I felt my life conditions were heaping and piling one misery and tragedy over the other on me and in unrelenting vigor. These medicines were merely anesthetizing me and making me more like a zombie carrying on irrespective of the tragedies my life has been hit with for years on end. Today no conversations happen with friends - they don’t ask me anything and I realize now that my relationships were sustained more by my indulgence than anyone indulging me. I had enough with life & living & anti depressants mislead me 😢 #Loneliness #Lackofsupport #vindication #SuicidalThoughts #Antidepressants