weirdness

i think of all that fibromyalgia has taken or caused to happen.
First my freedom! I use to just catch a bus or something.
Now I must plan any event like going to the war.
Itchy skin because I took a shower or something with my wife.
I can't cook by myself im a trained chef.
Foods I cant eat. Spices etcetera because of heartburn and the vomiting.
I have a good pain doctor but he gives me looks when I say my pain is past 10.
I'm not a druggie, I'm sick!
My knee I've decided to get my brace fixed no surgery because u know folks that it just made it worse
#needfreedom
#sickofbeingsick
#gooddoctors
#Whatsnormal

I know atleast one or two of you have to have a taste for the esoteric, myself I am reading "A comprehensive manual of the abhidhamma" though im going at it at a snails pace, its basically the buddhist analysis of mind and mental processes, so far ive only gone through the preface and introduction for context but im finding it interesting overall, so what have you dug up from the dusty corners of the bookshop? #Books #weirdness #RareFinds

It makes me feel powerful knowing I control who I want to see, and when. It makes me feel good knowing I'm not going to hang out with people or do certain things when I don't want too. Even when I know people want to see me, it makes me feel so good knowing I don't NEED to go and see them if I'm simply not in the mood to see them regardless of birthdays, or holidays.

I have social anxiety, and I also want to please people all the time, but it feels like nice knowing I am pleasing myself for once by doing whatever it is I want to do.

I am still learning to live, and I am still finding my place in the world and because of that I don't feel bad for being stingy of my time and picking and choosing who I want to see or want I want to do that day. I know the time will come when I do come around, but for now. I am okay with being stingy or selfish as some would say..

I don't like the feelings that come with being around a lot of people and because of that, I'm okay with being by myself.
At the same time though, I don't want to be consumed by my social anixety and so I am also confused to weather this i s a good thing or not...
#social isolation #SocialAnxiety #power #weirdness