i think of all that fibromyalgia has taken or caused to happen.
First my freedom! I use to just catch a bus or something.
Now I must plan any event like going to the war.
Itchy skin because I took a shower or something with my wife.
I can't cook by myself im a trained chef.
Foods I cant eat. Spices etcetera because of heartburn and the vomiting.
I have a good pain doctor but he gives me looks when I say my pain is past 10.
I'm not a druggie, I'm sick!
My knee I've decided to get my brace fixed no surgery because u know folks that it just made it worse
I had a psychotic episode recently and I'm feeling pretty shaken up. I was in two different hospitals over a period of about 6 weeks. I got lots of shots and remember thinking and doing a lot of really crazy things. I had doctors and other staff crying when they talked to me. It was terrifying. I thought I was the devil and that I needed to be put down. I believed there was crowds outside the hospital chanting "lock her up." I could hear them. I believed lots of crazy things. Then I was stable enough to leave the hospital and I'm back in the real world and I'm seeing my regular psychiatrist. I don't believe those things anymore. I know I was crazy. It was just terrifying. I hope it never happens again.
Yesterday I got confronted that a bunch of the conflicts around me are caused by my deep hate towards myself. Or my avoidant behaviour, trust issues, etc... but But I can‘t even remember a time when I haven‘t hated myself. I mean, it‘s so natural and trivial for me. My therapist told me it‘s because I turn all my hate against myself. That I should learn to accept and love myself. I can‘t even imagine it!
How can someone love oneself? How could it work with so many regret and shame inside? How does one begin it? And what if then I‘ll feel negative towards my loved ones? I‘m terrified of it #hate #Selfhate #Fear #Love #HowTo #CheckInWithMe #confused #WantToChange #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PTSD #Anxiety #Whatsnormal #Trying