social isolation

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Healer Pains

Healer Pains

Full of Anger and rage
Feeling like I’m a animal locked in a cage
My nature is so misunderstood
Perhaps it’s time to move on from the hood
But I Love my independent city
Even though the committee ain’t take no pity

Isolated and assets frozen
Although they don’t yet know I’m part of God’s chosen
Treated like a hardcore criminal
My poem are definitely subliminal
If you know me, you’ll get it
Ain’t the usual one to quit

I walked away for self protection
So, wouldn’t be forced into flexion
Straight forward as it can be
Though I did flee, At least I’m free
Self love is a priority
Even if I ain’t in the majority

That don’t stop us from doing as we please
Perhaps, why I’m a narcissist that is to be put in a freeze
From trauma and vulnerabilities we came up,
Banged up, beat up - yet we still worked hard and built up
So, why the hate?
And all the jealousy mate?
Took you for free spins and fed you during your worst

You were injured and I was the one to bring you back to health and nursed
And now I’m cursed?
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you
One day, you gotta regret it my boo
True love, acceptance and understanding- heck, gave even my soul
Now, all this hurt masking as anger and making feel like a burning coal

Quite the toll, though I thought your love was free
Then, why the hefty fee?
Anger and rage on the front
Amidst a manhunt
Hurt and grief under the front
Perhaps, nows the time to get blunt

Yes, I am fucked up
And the only one who saved me is my pup
You were right, I was stupid
The only mistake I made was chasing Cupid
Don’t know my story yet think they know all
Destroying me so I forget to walk and can barely even crawl

Malicious prosecution and defamation
Think it’s a game of persuasion
It’s nothing more than a crime
To prevent me from the social and corporate climb
You think I forgot, that’s cute
I never forget a learned friend dispute

You know I’m better than you
And that’s a strong fact that’s more than just true
Don’t let simple nature and humble attitude fool you into arrogance
You caused me to lose my soul and become spiritless
The student is now the master
Now that deserves a round of applause and laughter

Karma is a mogul’s game
And though I don’t care for the fame, it ain’t gonna stop me from bringing the claim
Justice is overdue, stayed quiet for too long
Have come closer to being proven wrong
My only regret, had I spoken earlier
I would be worthier

Money is important but my people are my assets
They are the ones to get my out of bad debts
Got my back because we init for ride or die
They ain’t no supply, they real niggas on which we can rely
Now that’s a fact you cannot deny
My team here for the full and permanent long haul

And although right now, I’m back at the stage of crawl
I got the mindset and approach to stay resilient
Cuz I found out way too late that I’m more than just brilliant
Genius and gifted talent, that’s God’s chosen
So, let me give you a glimpse of my life in slow-motion
Watch out cuz this girl’s a tornado, not to be tamed

She won’t remain for much longer chained
It’s time to break free
And I think that’s something y’all agree #heartbreak #Love #Pain #growth #soulpain #selfhelp #SelfHealing #writings #Journaling #feelings #Emotions #validation #hurt #Grief #Loss #Rejection #abandonment #social isolation #punishment #Karma #sins #good #bad

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How Do You Make Community Accessible?

How does everyone make community accessible to them as opposed to a utopian ideal? How do you involve yourself in community and really feel supported and empowered by that community? Do you feel that you can turn to them for support in times of need?

#lesslonely #Community support #findingyourtribe #social isolation #Depression anxiety

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Ranting about how this world is making my mental illness worse and how I just wish I was normal. Friday, may 27th, 2022 3:48pm.

Just a random thought. Not random actually. I have this thought a lot lately. I'm currently not able to work. Not full time. Not even part time. I can hardly keep my composure in the "comfort" of my home. Due to the cost of everything going up, practically doubling, the cheaper things that I used to get to eat breakfast/lunch or just snack on until dinner time once my boyfriend comes home has gone up and I dont even get that anymore. I don't have an income so I feel guilty for literally everything. I think about everything I do and the cost of it and how I'm not paying for it. Everytime I eat I feel guilty. Everytime I take a shower for longer than I think I should I think about how that's going to effect the water bill. I didn't use to be this bad. I used to be very independent and could not only fully support myself but another person and some animals as well. Now I feel completely defenseless and vulnerable and like scum of the earth. I absolutely hate going grocery shopping because I'm thinking about how I'm not contributing and it's soully coming out of my boyfriend's check. I don't even get anything for myself to eat anymore, I just wait until dinner. I have PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, and major depressive disorder. Therefore I already don't do well out in public and the guilt I feel for not helping pay for things in this extremely expensive world is literally about to take me out. I can't just tell my boyfriend to go in by himself because he gets mad and doesn't get anything we really need. He doesn't want to get everything we need at once so we don't have to go back to the store multiple times a week. I'm not ok with that because I absolutely hate going in places especially multiple times a week. It's just a reminder of how I'm not productive and I'm not helping. Then he asks my opinion on what we should get and the things that I say is always something "he can live without" so I just get irritated and that increases my anxiety and then turns into full blown panic and I have to leave the store and it's just always so dramatic and a shit show. The prices of everything going up is really making everything more complicated and adding extra stress and more existential guilt. I feel like I'm suffocating in this world. I feel trapped. I don't agree with any of what's going on in the world with the prices of everything going up. It's unlivable. Unaffordable unless you're getting some form of assistance and then then you're still struggling. We don't get any assistance at all. We were denied food stamps. I feel like it's my fault that we're struggling so bad and honestly it is. If I was a normal person I could work and everything would be more manageable. I've been in counseling for a year and seven months and it's helped a little bit but not enough to where I'm magically fixed and can work and do normal people things. My counselor got me set up with a psychiatrist and a psychologist and I'm waiting to go through with that the 16th of June. I had a very horrifying experience with Zoloft the antidepressant and it sent me to the emergency room. They ruled it all off as a panic attack. That trip I had from the Zoloft took my mind and headspace somewhere I haven't fully returned from. It made me see the world different. That was a year and a half ago. October of 2020. That was really when shiiz hit the fan for me and I've never been the same. I haven't been able to work sense. I worked for roughly 2 months at the end of last year into the beginning of this year. It was a disaster and all it was was a 2-3 hour a day Monday through Friday cleaning job working with another person. I couldn't handle that. Different triggers would set me off. From the way the day just felt in general, the weather, a certain smell, often the chemicals used for cleaning, the way someone would look at me, to a random body sensation. I was a whole mess. I was chronically fatigued. I couldn't hardly walk or hold my body up. I was in a lot of pain. It wasn't even from the labor of the job. It was just the stress on my body from the panic anxiety and depression I deal with. It once again put me out of work and was extremely discouraging. I have a difficult time maintaining the house and basic chores due to the fatigue and pain I feel everyday all day just from existing with these mental illnesses. I don't know how I am supposed to pull my own weight. The thought of working 8 hours a day 5 days or more a week is unfathomable to me. I wouldn't physically or mentally be able to do it. I was told by my counselor to think about applying for disability benefits and that thought shook me. It wasn't until this last couple weeks I decided to start that process. It's a hard pill to swallow knowing that there's an invisible illness in my head that makes me unable to work and fend for myself. I'm calling a disability lawyer this coming week and I'm going to go forward with it. I'm not sure if I have a case or not. I know nothing about this process but I'm at a loss and I don't know what to do. I see people on the streets sometimes and I can't help but to think that it it weren't for my very patient and loving boyfriend I would be standing there with them. I'm not blind to the fact that I would be homeless if it weren't for someone helping me. I don't like that feeling. I don't like feeling like my lively hood is in someone else's hands. I don't want people thinking I'm using them or something. I hate this mess I'm in. I have a hard time accepting that I even am applying for disability. But I need it because this is the real world and you gotta fend for yourself you can't rely on anyone. I hope that I will eventually be able to work part time at least. I felt much better when I was working. But for some reason something has a hold on me. I feel weird about telling people I'm applying for disability because there's a stigma on mental health and when it comes to telling people that I'm applying for disability due to mental illness they look at me like I owe them some explanation and am explanation for that is not simple. I've been so irritated and angry at myself and this world I've.almost. completely isolated myself. I don't want to be around noone because I don't have anything positive to say. I'm tired.of. only talking about this deep.emotional stuff because that's the only thing I feel. It consumes me
.I guess.ill stop here. Thanks for reading if you have read all this. I don't expect anyone to. I just like the ability to vent and hopefully go back and read it all one day and see progression and how far ive come. #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #MajorDepressiveDisorder #MajorDepressiveDisorder #PTSD #hermit #social isolation #SocialAnxiety #inflation #Guilt #Disability #amidisabled #MentalHealth #Journal #venting



Looking for advice- unfortunately, about two years ago when my anxiety was unbelievable, I got prescribed Xanax and did indeed become addicted. Very much so. It’s taken almost two years now but I’m almost off. My brains coming back. It’s exciting and also completely terrifying. I haven’t been able to work because of withdrawals, but I’m well enough now to at least get out into the world and start trying.
I miss life. I miss people.
The problem is, in my past, the people I had in my community as friends were not nice people. It’s not a great neighbourhood and holds a lot of dark memories from my past.
I don’t have many people to rely on or even see and it’s led to (along with other things) a huge crash in self esteem and confidence.
What are some things I can do to get out and be social without committing to a job yet? I’ve thought of volunteering but any other ideas are also helpful!

#Benzos #withdrawal #Xanax #valium #Socializing #BPD #social isolation #CovidIsolation #selfisolation #Newfriends

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Holiday Blues and lonliness

There have been many posts that have stated that quite a few people will not celebrate the holidays due to the holiday blues and a host of a myriad of factors. One of them is loneliness because of depression. Do me a favor, reach out to someone who may be alone or do not have a tribe of friends or the positivity to spend with family (family can be toxic)? Also, some people are social isolated, have social anxiety, have mental conditions, in quarantine, working, etc. Do me a favor, reach out and check in on folks? #Depression #SocialAnxiety #holidayblues #social isolation #quarantine



It makes me feel powerful knowing I control who I want to see, and when. It makes me feel good knowing I'm not going to hang out with people or do certain things when I don't want too. Even when I know people want to see me, it makes me feel so good knowing I don't NEED to go and see them if I'm simply not in the mood to see them regardless of birthdays, or holidays.

I have social anxiety, and I also want to please people all the time, but it feels like nice knowing I am pleasing myself for once by doing whatever it is I want to do.

I am still learning to live, and I am still finding my place in the world and because of that I don't feel bad for being stingy of my time and picking and choosing who I want to see or want I want to do that day. I know the time will come when I do come around, but for now. I am okay with being stingy or selfish as some would say..

I don't like the feelings that come with being around a lot of people and because of that, I'm okay with being by myself.
At the same time though, I don't want to be consumed by my social anixety and so I am also confused to weather this i s a good thing or not...
#social isolation #SocialAnxiety #power #weirdness


Pandemic feels a little like normal life

anyone else feeling that normal life has a lot of loneliness and isolation in? I live far from a lot of old friends so often don't have crazy social plans. That means the lockdown hasn't changed things enormously. A lot of extroverted people I know are complaining about loneliness/lack of connection during the pandemic. This is of course valid and it's a really scary time, but I feel like for so many people feeling lonely/having bad mental health is just normal life, and that hasn't been acknowledged. 

#Loneliness #Anxiety #Depression #SocialAnxiety  #social isolation

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#Selfcare #Themomentsbyyourself

so I am in #social isolation and I am just taking it a breath at a time, day by day, I have homework and I feel #depressed but I will #overcome this wave of #Depression. Thanks #mighties . 💚💚💚