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× " Sooo I Had A Busy Day Until The End Of My Shift... Then A Co-worker Of Mine Got Electrocuted... Out Of The Blue He's Ok.. Man Now I Don't Want To Learn The Front-Line... It's Too Dangerous Apparently 🤣.. I Liked Going In At 9am And Off At 3pm.. But Now I'm Going Back To 9 To 5 And Also 9 To 4.... Sigh.. My Adventure's In Saving Is Also Going Well.. I Hope That I Can Reach My Goal Soon... But I Don't Think So. I'm Sooo Exhausted I Need Better Sleep.. And I Also Need To Definitely Stay Away From Toxic People... I Have Been So Stressed Out My Entire Life.. With People Wanting To Control Me And Everything I Want To Do... I'm Not Lazy.. I Don't Sit On My A** All Day... Yes I Did Before.. But Whenever I Explain Something To Someone... They Take Everything I Say In A Defensive Way... So Now I'm Just Not Going To Open Up To Anyone Anymore... It's Just Not Worth My Mental Health... I Bounce In And Out Of Depressive Episode's.. Why Can't People Just Love Or Like Me... I'm Not Changing Myself To Fit Thier Mold Or Nearative... I'm Me For A Reason... And If They Don't Like It... Well " DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU ON YOUR WAY OUT " × #AnUpdate ☆▪︎☆ S. K. ☆▪︎☆

I hurt. So bad right now. I'm just going to cry.

Yesterday was a very bad day. I woke up okay. A small headache, but okay.

But as I was on mum's phone, I suddenly got hit with a panic/anxiety attack.

My heart started racing, I got really hot, I couldn't comprehend anything. I started freaking out.

It lasted all day.

Today, well... Let's just say yesterday rolled into today. But let's add that I got irritated at the smallest thing.

I tried to nap. No such luck.

Then we went to Richfield Park with Alpha (our neighbor ❤️) and I was okay-ish. When we were leaving the park, I tried climbing this big pine tree (she was beautiful 😍🌲), and all of a sudden, I started panicking again. Like I wouldn't be able to get down from it. I tried to hide it, but my mom saw.

Then (after we got home) I got a message from my old boss asking me to work part time. I wanted to say yes so bad. But mum reminded me that I can't do things like I used to be able to do. She reminded me of my bad brain days, like today and yesterday. I mean I have to think about, What would happen if I was talking to a client and couldn't remember what I needed to? What if I screwed up a $5,000 sale? What if I forgot to lock the safe? Or walked away from a $2,000 diamond ring?!

So... I had to pass. It hurt to tell her (my old boss) that I couldn't do it. I want to so bad.

Tomorrow I call a disability lawyer, and try to get a consultation, so I can appeal my denial for Soc. Security. (They think I can work around my Fibromyalgia and Lupus. - Must be nice not having it.)

But now, now I must finish my soup and try to sleep. I took my meds (and by my meds I mean either Ibuprofen, Aspirin or Alieve with Tylenol (and yes, you can take an NSAID with Tylenol. Practically, my whole family, is in the medical field so I do know what can go with what. Heck, I can even read most of a medical chart. Lol) It's the only thing that dulls the pain, so I can kind of sleep). Goodnight Loves. 💕💜

(Oh, and to top everything off... Today I got bit by a Mosquito! Ughhhhh... 🤞 It's all good and there's no EEE)

#Fibromyalgia #Lupus #tryingtobepositive #PositiveVibes #whataday