Well, another great topic, but turning my what is into what is, IS exactly the path I've been trying to work on. I feel that I can make my way down this path, but I must be honest in saying, I've been working on this subject for years. I have many health issues, PTSD, is probably the biggest to deal with bbecause it comes up in almost every aspect of my life. I also have chronic pain, for 20+ yrs now & currently at it's worse ever. I went through extensive daily therapy over 28 yrs ago after losing my oldest son, who was only 13 yrs old. Fast forward to the loss of my 2nd son in 2007. I again had extensive therapy, in-patient. I've learned how to cope with this & while working & functioning as productive, until both 'sudden' losses of each. So, in many ways I know I must put 'me' first, before I can be productive. Yet, here I am again, 13 yrs after the loss of my second son, who was 27 at the time. I've been diagnosed with multiple health issues, & they keep knocking me down with each & I must struggle to deal with these as I'm diagnosed, because that's what I was taught to do. Here are some, 2 total knee replacements, 10 yrs apart, #spondylitis , COPD, sleep apnea, use of c-pap, #Anxiety , #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Osteoporosis #Osteoarthritis . So I would call that a full plate in itself. Now, I'm facing a bone fusion in my back, lower lumbar, & possible hip surgery, not clear if in joints, waiting results, I also have a tear from each hip to the sacrolyic joint in back, which complicates the back surgery. The day I was to have my back surgery, it was found that i had a DVT, blood clot in my leg, halting surgery. About 3+ weeks ago, I was diagnosed with chronic myeloid leukemia. I also have spinal cord damage, swelling around that & both legs, making it almost impossible to walk, let alone bend or do much of anything. I cannot sleep more than 2-3 hrs each night, & rarely take naps, because of not being able to get comfortable. No position works for me. I can fall asleep, but not stay asleep. I am taking many meds. My pain level is an 8 out of 10, only for 3-4 hrs after taking my pain meds. At it's worse is a 10. I have other chronic issues #Fibromyalgia , but after 25+ yrs, fails in comparison to the other issues, but still painful. This all brings me back to the #whatifstowhatis . I try extremely hard every day to stay as positive as possible, & try to deal with ALL. I've found it extremely challenging & exhausting. So with the help of a local group, NKY SEL, (Social Emotional learning) & "The Mighty", just recently, are my biggest support systems. My family knows of all this, but quite honestly, I have a good handful, maybe more, of friends who are more supportive. So in trying to deal with one issue at a time is quite difficult, but currently I am working on the pain which now leaves me to a sedative life style, along with the daily PTSD creeping back in motto mention my anxiety & some aspects of depression. Daily goals are a priority now. I star