As a 51 year old man and veteran, who has a plethora of memories of abuse, I daily wonder why was I born. My past is a chaos of memories, sisters making out with me when I was just a kid and they were in highschool, to a much older male cousin touching my privates, to an old friend who as me if I wanted to rape his niece. This created hate for offenders, and a pure love for children that I fear the outside world wants to corrupt. I have spent 8 years without a womans touch and have felt rejected and this is while taking care of an 89 year old mom and attending a church. I don't know now that I trust anymore if that church is guiltless of pedophilia. One day a young girl in walmart stood up in her cart and in my peripheral vision I saw that she stripped her pants down. This made me feel like children sensed my concern that I was beautiful to them but that the world was changing. I am in AA now because of feeling suicidal over my private thoughts that are not always pure like they used to be. When I ride my motorcycle and travel and stay somewhere at night, I feel there is dark world of men who want to hurt me for caring because they feel they are in danger from a vigilante. I know from what I have seen out there, dangerous men are box truck and tinted vehicle men, not riders. Not all riders are on the same page though. I rode from NY to Phoenix with burns on me from self infliciton and the burns made me feel stronger. Where is Jesus I asked? 30,000 miles on 3 bikes in a year twice from NY to Phoenix in storms and I have to believe I am alive because God cares.#rejected #onlywantedlove #notthedevil #whohasbeenhere #whywasIborn #whomessedupamerica #Molested