Loneliness

IT'S A LONG WAY BACK TO THE PLACE WHERE WE STARTED FROM

FIRST OF ALL I control my rembrances of my dead n only have 1

SECONDLY I smoke to turn things down, a squabble, a rest between cooking n cleaning, restlessness, tears, trauma, wine

THIRDLY I believe Good Food, Exercise, Fresh Air n Good People are everything

FOURTHLY I need old roads, old dogs n old people

FIFTHLY I don't know what to do about Strife, I didn't Grow up with it, I don't Understand it, It doesn't make sense

SIXTHLY I try to be there for 5 people as a mom or caregiver

SEVENTHLY I don't esteem money but need a little to feed people, for transportation, for pleasureful gifts for those in hosp nursing homes or at home

Eighthly lyrics I'm the problem it's me

NINETHLY I have no idea whether I or someone one I love have trauma pain, it's best to let it go, but face it a lotta sad sad sad sad shit happenned

TENTHLY NATURE and nurture and nurture with Nature

PARTICIPATE, I make it available to you

ELEVENTHLY Song is everything, Use your voice for Good

TWELVTHLY I'm capable of doing it without maids if not given huge obstacles, deterrent teens and if given a small bit of financial resources

THIRTEENTHLY I seek help where it is available, hold on to my family n work my ass off

FOURTEENTHLY TO LOVE IS EVERYTHING

Fifteenth screaming n threats make no sense, are uncharacteristic, what's wrong

SIXTEENTH I don't know how to be a Child or Youth Worker but am clean n clean people n things

Seventeenth I have bipolar n loss of extended family, with strife added I uselessly wallow for a day with Passive SI

Eighteenth It's hard

NINETEENTHLY I'm doing the best I can, ended therapy and was hoping I could host Christmas for young and Old

TWENTY I have faith, sometimes freeze to Give thanks, and am faithful

Thank you, I'm so Grateful for my life n my family but it's lonely, like the Darkness My Old

And Home

YOU can buy a candle called booklore

BUT when's the last time you read even a Self Help Book

CHILDREN'S Lore read to little ones

LIKE THE SCENE in You've Got Mail

IN THE LITTLE BOOK SHOP AROUND THE CORNER

I like THE Giving Tree and ON the Day you Were Born

SOMEON'S Hideaway and the Princess who didn't Laugh

A Christmas Carol read aloud

ANNE of Green Gables, the Whole Damn Set

MAYBE Little Women

BUT WHO AM I to talk

MEG Ryan's character meets her love over a Rose and Pride and Prejudice

BUT WHO am I to talk

QUIETUDE, Sanavara in a Blog says you have to be bored in the Quiet to Grow

THE Cottage Fairy is so much about Fairy Paintings and Books

IN Sanavara's Norse Blog a Library BUS comes to their Nordic Town

IN MY Town we have a Library that Serves Hot Chocolate when the local Santa Parade is On

IT'S in an Old part of the City

HERE the library's being renovated and we sit in the food court for very damn mediocre ambiance

I USUALLY sit on a Couch by the Romance Novels and Read Travelogues, a blue one I bought

LONELY Planet Travel Guides are worth a Dream

SCHOOL GIVES A STUDENT INCENTIVE

AND OLD BOOKS IN SHOPS ON BLOOR, ALL ALONG IT

OR AT THE JUNCTION, I think there were 2

ONCE Indigo was Chapters

NOW IT'S a Bit Joni Turbulent

A Bookstore n Cafe

EVERYONE'S DREAM COFFEE SHOP

AND THE PEACE TO FEEL THE LORE

WITH A MOM WHO WAS A TEACHER

AND A DAD WHO SOLD PAPER

AND BEING A KID WHO WAS READ TO

CHARLOTTES WEB, THE WIND IN THE WILLOWS

I've come so Far in this Cold Internet Clad World

DISTRACTED

Hungry for the Old Ways

UNFOCUSSED

Busy

CLUTTERED

Sad

INNEFFECTUAL

Angry

LONELY

Unkind

TRASHY

Unlearning

SOMETHING'S BROKEN

OR IS MY HOME JUST A FIGMENT OF SOCIETY

SNOW AND LORE

KIDS N FOOD AND MAGICAL LORE

JK ROWLINGS, Bridget Jones

BOOK MOVIES

JULIE AND JULIA

WHAT CAME FIRST

REST

RESIST YOUR CHAOS

IF YOU MUSTN'T READ, GET BACK THE ATMOSPHERE

HOME

RECORDS SCHMECORDS

ISN'T IT INDIGO BOOKS N MUSIC

SAYS MY LAZY UNLEARNED CLUTTERED

EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTED ANGRY MIND

I’ve isolated myself from every friend and close family member I’ve ever had and sometimes my depressiveness drives them off. “Don’t be a stick in the mud” when all I really needed was “it’s ok if your sad you can stay around”. Toxic positivity is potent around here lol. But anyways I feel alone most of the time. I’ve grown fondness for my lonesomeness but when I get lonely there’s no one to call on. No one there to check in on me on my darkest days. That sucks.

#CheckInWithMe

Hi, my name is binxy888. You can call me Binx or Binxy. I've been diagnosed with Epilepsy, Lupus, Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, Insomnia, Depression, Anxiety, and PTSD. I work as a director of programs at a major insurance company and own another company. I am a single mom of two teens. I spend most my time masking and hiding my conditions from people as most people do not understand chronic illness. It is very lonely and isolating. I am looking for people that are going through similar situations to relate to.

#MightyTogether #AutismSpectrumDisorder #PTSD #Anxiety #Depression #Lupus #Epilepsy

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I’ve written many posts on this, so I won’t go into detail of each individual thing. I think I hate this city. I feel like not even this city tolerates well to neurodivergent folk/folx like me. No city does. I’ve been threatened, accused, bullied, and misunderstood numerous times (even at a fucking hotel to the point where I had a fucking meltdown), I can no longer trust to go into any hotel now, and I can’t even get fucking disability payment no matter how much I poured my heart out on why I can’t work because the government is too fucking stubborn and ridiculous (and no, I cannot afford a lawyer because I’m not rich). My heart is fucking torn right now just thinking about it. It’s like they want us dead or something. Just for existing.

I hate it here. Am I really just going to be fucking homeless in my future because this damn capitalist society doesn’t give a shit about me? Should I just end it if that’s my future? Because I probably will if I ever have to deal with that shit. I’d rather be dead than sit with the feeling over how this society doesn’t give a fuck about me without a home. There would be no happiness anyway.

(Please refrain from calling me human (I have dysphoria, I’d rather not go into detail right now), please and thank you!)

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #AutismSpectrum #Autistic #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #OSTD #OtherSpecifiedTraumaDisorder #neurodivergent #Neurodivergency #Vent #triggerwarning #SuicidalThoughts #SuicidalIdeation #SuicideAttemptSurvivors

Some days the loneliness sits quietly with me, and I feel the weight of doing everything on my own. But even in those moments, I remind myself that I am still deserving of love, connection, and people who see my heart. I may feel alone sometimes, but I am not broken I am growing.

#lonelybutstrong #healingjourney #deepfeelings #innerstrength #keepgoing #youarenotalone #emotionaltruth #heartspeak