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How am I doing?
When someone asks how I'm doing, I'm going seems to be the only way I can think of to put into words how im feeling. Im a single mum to a wee 4 year old boy who has a severe learning disability along with cerebral palsey with dystonia. It was his birth and the trauma of it that brought on ptsd but anixety has always been there from as early as 4 years old (thats when my own dad left). At beginning of lock down I watched "13 reasons why" on netflix and it brought back alot of memories I hadn't realised at the time where abusive/sexual assult/emotional abuse the list goes on, I mean even memories i hadnt known about, someone once told me once you open pandoras box there's no going back and thats litetally what it has felt like. While all these realisations are coming out im still having to parent as many of us do. Childs dad takes him for 1 hour every night and to be honest thats more hassle to get ready for than its worth and most nights i come back feeling crap because he has told me im a part time mum can call me all the names of the day,then next day its whiplash as he says I'm a good mum, its just mentally draining. He has him overnight 1 night at wkend and theres always a story when he comes back how difficult he was or what I could do better. I send absolutely everything down right down to a list of his routine and meds. It gets alot and while doctor has said ptsd, i have researched anixety depression, bipolar disorder, ocd, adhd and autism. I would love some clarity and ive such a long road of councelling needed im on a waiting list for cbt but that is long and nothing else offered as of yet, but I just keep going and try to remember everyone has their reasons they are the way they are #anixety #PTSD #CBT #13ReasonsWhy #singlemummy #cerebalpalseyawareness
