sexualassualt

Hi, my name is Coco56. I'm here because

#MightyTogether #PTSD #MultipleSclerosis #Anxiety #Grief #Rape #sexualassualt #MentalHealth #ChronicFatigue #Stroke #a #Widow

Tattered clothes and venomous grins

Screaming soul and helpless being

Oh, what sort of monsters are you #made of?

Who couldn’t see a pleading prey?

Sinful hands stripping the peel,

Suffocating it in its demonic grip,

How cruel can you be not to hear?

The screams and shouts and aching tears

It’s like the earth herself was crying,

Burning by the devil that she resides

Where are we heading to if not the hell?

Every day, an innocent soul is sold

Snatched by the hands of the beast,

Into the horror of a hollow pit

Humans, Animals and even the dead

What is this desperation that reeks in them?

Waves of fear now crumble us down,

We see, we hear, but nothing we do.

Oh, how are we going to face them too?

Is this what the hell feels like?

Even evil has some mercy inside.#

Sadly, how we sat there empty

With Humanity and Justice sobbing aside

Little souls who believe in dolls and dreams

When did they get trapped in this grim?
#sexualassualt #RapeSurvivors #Poetry

Tattered clothes and venomous grins

Screaming soul and helpless being

Oh, what sort of monsters are you #made of?

Who couldn’t see a pleading prey?

Sinful hands stripping the peel,

Suffocating it in its demonic grip,

How cruel can you be not to hear?

The screams and shouts and aching tears

It’s like the earth herself was crying,

Burning by the devil that she resides

Where are we heading to if not the hell?

Every day, an innocent soul is sold

Snatched by the hands of the beast,

Into the horror of a hollow pit

Humans, Animals and even the dead

What is this desperation that reeks in them?

Waves of fear now crumble us down,

We see, we hear, but nothing we do.

Oh, how are we going to face them too?

Is this what the hell feels like?

Even evil has some mercy inside.#

Sadly, how we sat there empty

With Humanity and Justice sobbing aside

Little souls who believe in dolls and dreams

When did they get trapped in this grim?

#dark #darkpoetry #sexualassualt #Depression

#Emptiness #Emptiness

When my depression gets extremely severe I feel this deep sense of hollowness inside and complete desolation takes a hold of my life. For a very long time I had no idea what to do other than let it overtake me as long as it did. I had mental illnesses before my physical ones but I was unaware since I was so young. I got Inflammatory Bowel Disease when I was 20 and diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. Now my GI doctor at the Mayo Clinic says I have Crohn's disease. Anyway, this disease brought out the depression and anxiety a great deal so I believed it was the cause. However just recently, I was told I had Complex PTSD and so many things made sense, and the fact that I thought about suicide when I was in 4th grade and tried it horribly but luckily badly my Junior year in High School definitely demonstrates that I had mental illnesses back when I was school age. To me, it was just a logical way to deal with wanting to leave my house because I couldn't deal with my mother's abuse any longer. And wrongly, I thought if something happened to me she would care more. I tried to go back to school but kept ending up in the hospital so I was always filled depression and just having the disease gave me great anxiety. I was so bad they often had to almost sedate me with high doses of IV Ativan. My dad had died six months before I got sick and he was the only person I knew loved me, and my getting sick proved my mother and both my older brothers could not care less, since they abandoned me and left my care to my boyfriend of 2 years, and never came to visit except once. I never was able to graduate, not for a long time.And that was a sense of shame and feeling of unworthiness that filled my life as well.There's a lot more to the story, but I don't want this to be that long. But the loss of my father was an incredibly huge impact on my life in a negative way since I never and still really don't know how to deal with death and grief, and it brought back 2 years ago when I lost an extremely close Uncle of mine to AIDS, both were way too young to die; and their deaths left me with an emptiness that beat all other types of hollowness that have occurred throughout my life. I pretty much think of them every day and just wish they were still alive and with me. I believe the grief I carry from them and now a few others often is one of the main root causes of my depression, and makes me feel the complete desolation around me and complete emptiness inside. Thankfully I have a couple of very supportive people who do their best to help me through it, which means a lot, but sometimes the deep depression just has to run it's course throughout me.

#Emptiness #Depression #Anxiety #Shame #complexposttraumaticstressdiso rder, #CPTSD  #Grief #IBD #inflammatorybowel disease #CrohnsDisease #UlcerativeColitis #ChronicPain #sexualassualt #Anemia #RheumatoidArthritis  #Osteoporosis #Insomnia #ChronicIllness #Disability #MentalHealth #MightyTogether

it’s hard to love your body when someone has taken advantage of it . everytime i look at my body i am reminded of what he did to me #sexualassualt #BodyImage

I feel like I have been through so much for someone my age, multiple lifetimes of #Trauma on my back. I grew up in an unstable, emotionally abusive household with parents who were neglectful, cruel, and threatened to leave or said they were “done with” my brother and I — genuinely MODEL children — semi-regularly. I was bullied in middle school on an anonymous online forum of my classmates, who made fun of my weight, impersonated me and told me to kill myself. I was drugged and experienced #sexualassualt before I ever had a consensual sexual experience. And now I am too afraid to put myself out there romantically. Today, I’m 24 and live with #Depression #Anxiety and #CPTSD. It’s a miracle I got through college and today hold a stable job.

But I feel so insecure and unlovable that it’s hard to let others in, because I feel like for someone to really know me — and for me to trust them —they need to understand that under the very high-functioning surface there’s a lot of pain and struggle. Not to pity me, not even to know the details. But being able to share things with friends like “I’m not close with my parents” or “I don’t date because I had a bad experience and have trouble feeling comfortable in those types of situations” or “I struggle with depression” makes me feel like I’m not hiding a part of myself. And I would do the same if a friend shared that with me.

I used to have a ton of friends, but now I have very few. I’ve lost friends over opening up or having my struggles show through. Countless times I’ve reached out to someone just to see how they are doing and reconnect, and been ignored. It’s become such a regular occurrence that I’m afraid to open up at all because I feel like I can’t take another rejection. I’m so afraid to let any semblance of what’s underneath be perceptible. Depression medications haven’t worked for me, my therapist advises me to stop talking to my parents — which is probably a good idea because they contributed a lot to the way I am today — but also they are the only people who (sometimes) are at the other end of the phone. It’s lonely and very bleak. How can I be less terrified of being vulnerable?

To get through the last yea, there has been one song that has helped me. It has kept me here on this earth. It has saved me and helped me through theropy. That song is Joanne by Lady Gaga. It just hits me as I have had to greive the old me that was taken away from me due to an assault. I find this song helps me and comforts me in a way that no one else can.
#Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #sexualassualt #PanicAttack #panic #MentalHealth #SexualTrauma #Music #LadyGaga

1. Jessica mentions that everyone is impacted by sexual assault. Do you think this is true? How is everyone (not just the “survivors”) impacted? How can we make things better?

2. Justin opens up to Jessica about a childhood sexual assault history. What are the long-term consequences of sexual assault? How can someone get help for dealing with their traumatic past?

For the last few weeks, i've been struggling from a violent Sexual Assault! I have no one except my counselor for support. It doesn't seem that there is much support here for someone like me. I really needed some friends behind me or cheering me on. I geuss I'm just not enougg, not even for myself. I'VE TRIED SO HARD, LEFT FEELING SO COLD AND DIRTY! I geuss thats all I'll ever be. Even in my own pain, I've tried to reach out to maybe help someone else. Left with nobody. #checkinonme #allalone #sexualassualt #CPTSD #Incest #Depression #ChronicPain